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I have been keeping a journal since losing my Tom and losing my life as I knew it. Keeping this journal the day my heart broke the day the me I once knew when I lost you...I miss you so much Tom and I cannot believe 3 years to this day have gone by the day my life changed and I lost you and in that moment lost me. I will 4Ever love you my love, 4Ever.

I was looking at our pictures on the buffet table and on the fridge. There is one picture that was taken of you on our honeymoon trip and when I look at that picture I still get butterflies and still cannot believe to this day you picked me to be your wife and all I can say is how damn lucky I am that you picked me. I am the luckiest woman in the whole wide world…Then I look at the picture of us on our wedding day and I see the way your are staring at me and those eyes, those beautiful blue eyes saying how deeply in love you are and what a lucky woman, that woman in that picture and what amazing smiles of love on the faces of those two people in that picture. Now I look at the picture we took for church in 2013 and I see this woman in the photo. She looks familiar; a distant memory of someone I once knew comes to mind. She is so happy, and her eyes are lit up like the beautiful stars of the heavens in an evening sky where all you can see is their brilliance, their amazing bright twinkle. How lucky that woman is how very lucky. And I think to myself what I would give to be her and have that love that is so vibrantly shown in the smiles of that beautiful couple. How lucky where they? I wish I was her and wonder where she is?

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Three years is not that long a time unless you feel you haven’t made progress in your grief journey. It can seem very slow but if you are journaling like you say, you should see some progress. Pictures can be a tough thing, I really had a time with that. Even at nine years, it produces mixed emotions. Looking back at a time we were happy, I am very grateful for that! That is the pleasant side— but then comes the I still miss you and always will. It is truly very difficult to get to the point of acceptance. Acceptance to me means that there is nothing I can do to change that. I must go on living and try to reshape my life without him in it.  I look for things that make me happy and try to let go of the minor worries, issues, I once saw as important. I have placed a greater value on life and I want to spend my remaining days happy or at least, content. We can find our peace, Gypsy. 

It would be great if grief had a schedule and we knew by a certain day, month or year that the worst would be over and we could finally breathe in AND out. But we don’t know and cannot foresee. Circumstances are different as are many people experiencing grief. It stays with us until it is over. Just remember, you will always be one day closer to healing. I cannot say for myself I have gotten over my loss but I have gotten used to it. I don’t like it but I can’t change it, so I have learned to accept it. I hope this makes sense.

Gypsy, I can't add anything to help as I am only three months out.  I feel so much for you though.

Callie, that was very well said.  Thank you.

As you've mentioned, Tom's death changed your life - we grieve ALL our losses. 

Three years for myself was only a quarter of the journey in processing my grief - my many losses that was not only the death of my husband. It changed over the years to the point that I was no longer wracked w/tears or emotional meltdowns while the grief was still covertly present. I would question why I reacted to something in such an odd manner or thought of something at that particular time only to find the stimulus roused a memory long forgotten - they were all about me. Our past is who we are - made up of good & bad memories as well as information from experiences that provide many explanations for how & why we came to be the person we are. Answers became easier for me to find in the later years as an "Oh, I get it"; it allowed for quick resolutions to move on from it. Quite unlike the early years when everything came rushing at me that I felt my head would explode from the constant thoughts in a ball of confusion I wasn't able to cope with ...

We are meant to grieve - processing our losses to continually move forward teaches us to cope as well as sheds the binding emotional grips in adjusting to a new life ...

Grief changes over time, be patient w/yourself. This is all new to you & will continue to be so as you get better ...

Blessings ...


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