"You don’t get to comment on the choices of a widower while you sit happily next to your own living spouse."
I have one widowed friend that married after 13 months, good for her. I think he may have been an old boyfriend and it was easy for them to pick up the relationship where it left off. I have other widowed friends who waited until they were six years or more out before started dating seriously. You are right Callie. As for me, I'm four years out and I'm surprised how "agnostic" I am about dating. It's a personal journey, and good for Mr. Oswalt as well.
This was timely- although a former HS classmate who's a social worker also posted it on FB. He lost his first wife early, remarried a younger woman and now has a couple of school-age kids. He's 64!
This is like finally being able to read letters that have been upside down for so long and finally-another person who I can relate to in the midst of agonizing pain. Two wives lost to cancer, in the same house, same room 7 years apart-can't describe the pain and the damage to my psyche, impossible.
I have a close family, I'm grateful for it. Last weekend I was invited to camp with them and for the most part I loved it. Here is widowhood 101 for me-at night, my brother and his wife go into a tent together, my other brother and his wife go back to their motel room, together, I go back to an empty tent and start to cry because it wasn't that long ago I had my wife in the double sleeping back next to me!
So to get to the point of this topic, if someone meets a person a day after their beloved spouse dies, a week, month, year, 10 years, it's no ones damn business and I say "Ya, enjoy that sleeping bag in the tent while listening to those oceans waves comfort you."
I read that post and I really liked it! I am 7 months out from my husband's parting. I just realized it, this is the first month I haven't been counting days. Wow! This is a year from when he started chemo and our world was turned upside down. I try to take people's judgment in stride. People have told me they were upset I stopped wearing my wedding rings. People told me I should become a lesbian because my husband would prefer that over me dating a man (this was mostly joking or I will take it that way because why not?). I have been told by people that they can't ever see me remarrying even though I am only 33 and have a lot of life ahead of me. I have also been told 'you know you will never find anyone like your husband, he was one of a kind. You can date as long as you can accept that.' My son did ask me for a stepmom and I told him I wasn't sure I could give him one, but I would think about it. It will be hard for everyone to accept whatever it is that I decide to do, but it is harder for me to deal with missing my best friend every day. So who cares what they think anyway?
It's been about a year since your comment here. Any updates?
It is a year later and I am in such a different place! I started really saying a year and a month post loss. I am not entirely convinced my husband didn't send him. He is a great guy who doesn't understand all of my feelings but he tries and he gives me room to feel. He met my kids the months ago and just today someone assumed he was their dad and when I explained she was shocked because they were so comfortable with him. I am genuinely and incredibly happy. People have had a lot to say. My mom told me I couldn't tell my kids they were driving me crazy because I only get to date if I am a good Mom. People have complained about not seeing me as much, said I need to focus more on my kids and that I am pushing the relationship too much. I am not invited to as many things with the in-laws, though I keep trying because I want to keep those relationships for my kids. So many people have had negative things to say, but the happier I get and the more comfortable I am with things the less I care. My son still wants a stepmom, but says my boyfriend is good too. I am scared to be vulnerable again. To fall so deeply and lose him like I lost my husband. Thankfully he is patient and thinks we are all worth it! Thanks for checking in!
I am thrilled to see this article!!
I too was. ready to date by a year after the death of my husband. I received so much flack from family
and friends who are no longer friends of mine. My husband died over 7 years ago and I got remarried last
year. No one was receptive so we kinda eloped and then went on a month long honeymoon. To this day
they have to acknowledge our marriage but they still do not fully accept it. It has been hard.
My inlaws never considered me as a part of the family and now that their son is gone I am definitely not in the picture.
they only deal with me now because of my kids. My latests frustration is that they tell my teenage and adult
kids about a family event and leave it to them to invite me. they don't have the balls to invite me themselves
I am considering bowing out of my sons bday party because I have to drive an hour and they left it to him
22 years old to invite me. argghghgh. kirsten