I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did, calmer. It would have made him happier. That is my main regret.
I can guarantee our husbands forgave us. My husband always found excuses for someones bad behaviour. And we need to remember they suffer no more, the past is gone, including our bitchines. But we need to learn our lesson and try to be less bitchy. Although we feel like there is no point since they are gone and we cant be the nicer wife they deserve anymore. I think we will keep processing the guilt, shame , and hurt throughout the years, its part and parcel of the “ torture” and there is no way around it. And please trust me, you were nowhere near as bitchy and horrible as I was. And my husband did not drink, did not cheat and was the best husband and the kindest soul you could meet. So maybe that will make you feel better. Hugs and love, Roxi
I have regrets. I wish I would have been more willing to do the things he wanted to do. He was always on the go. I put up resistance to stay home some. I wish I went with him to pick up dinner then night before he passed. I would value those extra minutes with him. I wish I said I love you more. I wish I told him how handsome I thought he was. I wish I praised him for working so hard to provide for us. I know I DID do these things but I just wish I did MORE of it.
Today has been a hard day for me. I guess regret just fits right in with my mood today.
I have some "I wish I would haves"...traveled more together, come home earlier from work, lived each day with the same positive attitude he had.
Kris & Shadow - thank you for your encouraging words for each of us to deal with what we would like to do over.
I regret that we had a big fight last Memorial Day weekend because he wanted to work in the yard all weekend, and I do mean all weekend. My husband could be a very stubborn man. But I really didn't have to get so angry and yell and slam doors, which actually isn't even something that I typically do. I regret times when I was with Tim but so worried about or distracted by other things that I wasn't really there. And, his children were busy young adults who needed reminders to see and call their father. I wish that I had been more assertive in reminding them to call and stop. It really hurt him that so often he had to be the one to call them.
Looking back, I now see my husband in some ways as more vulnerable that I did in when he was alive. I feel very protective of him and very upset with myself for having caused him any pain or distress.
I pray that you are right MsKris and that all is forgiven now.
We were both workaholics - and while our lives were so full and meaningful to us, we took few vacations and were often tired. I wish we both had taken more breaks - the few vacations we had are burned in my memory like fire as being sweet and precious and rare. I also wish I had been less exhausted for lovemaking more. But, it is all relative. Be were always highly affectionate even went we could not ebb into high arousal.
I regret a few things as a caregiver when he was home with hospice, but I found release from guilt through the EMDR treatments I did.
With all of life, I think this quote sums it up best:Everything that happens to you is your teacher…the secret is to learn to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it. —Polly Berends