I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did, calmer. It would have made him happier. That is my main regret.
I have regrets. I wish I would have been more willing to do the things he wanted to do. He was always on the go. I put up resistance to stay home some. I wish I went with him to pick up dinner then night before he passed. I would value those extra minutes with him. I wish I said I love you more. I wish I told him how handsome I thought he was. I wish I praised him for working so hard to provide for us. I know I DID do these things but I just wish I did MORE of it.
Today has been a hard day for me. I guess regret just fits right in with my mood today.
I have some "I wish I would haves"...traveled more together, come home earlier from work, lived each day with the same positive attitude he had.
Kris & Shadow - thank you for your encouraging words for each of us to deal with what we would like to do over.
I regret that we had a big fight last Memorial Day weekend because he wanted to work in the yard all weekend, and I do mean all weekend. My husband could be a very stubborn man. But I really didn't have to get so angry and yell and slam doors, which actually isn't even something that I typically do. I regret times when I was with Tim but so worried about or distracted by other things that I wasn't really there. And, his children were busy young adults who needed reminders to see and call their father. I wish that I had been more assertive in reminding them to call and stop. It really hurt him that so often he had to be the one to call them.
Looking back, I now see my husband in some ways as more vulnerable that I did in when he was alive. I feel very protective of him and very upset with myself for having caused him any pain or distress.
I pray that you are right MsKris and that all is forgiven now.
We were both workaholics - and while our lives were so full and meaningful to us, we took few vacations and were often tired. I wish we both had taken more breaks - the few vacations we had are burned in my memory like fire as being sweet and precious and rare. I also wish I had been less exhausted for lovemaking more. But, it is all relative. Be were always highly affectionate even went we could not ebb into high arousal.
I regret a few things as a caregiver when he was home with hospice, but I found release from guilt through the EMDR treatments I did.
With all of life, I think this quote sums it up best:Everything that happens to you is your teacher…the secret is to learn to sit at the feet of your own life and be taught by it. —Polly Berends
I am glad that you asked this questions and that so many people responded. I have regrets. Mark was very sick for 18 months and the last couple of months were the worst. Although I was with him every day; in the hospital and when he was at home, I feel like I was so busy taking care of him and the other necessities, that I did not spend enough time comforting him and talking to him. When I am thinking rationally, I realize that we spent a lot of time laughing and talking, discussing 'what ifs' and reminiscing. I just miss him so much that I don't think that any amount of time would have been enough.