This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

A hard question but do you have any regrets about your behavior during your marriage?

I wish I hadn't expressed anger as much as I did. Ken would tell me that I felt too entitled to my anger and I think he was right. He was rarely angry, and I wish I would have behaved more as he did, calmer. It would have made him happier. That is my main regret.

Views: 854

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I can't help but feel all of us WISH some stuff was different , I know I do, I have beat the hell out of myself over things I had said or not said , did and didn't do.. we all prolly have some regret we are human after all. I know if it were I who had passed , my Sean would be feeling the same way and I wouldnt want him to. I am so greatful we met so young being our time was cut short.. now to get myself to accept what I just wrote.. I do believe it to be true <3 to us all

Yikes!  I certainly do and it tears me up if I allow it to.

Steve was the rational one-I can honestly say I saw him lose his cool one time and never with myself or the kids.  Shit just didn't bother him. 

A very wise person told me to let the thoughts and feelings of poor behavior go as there is a unspoken understanding,  a special intimacy in a loving marriage that forgives such actions. 

I cling to the understanding that all is forgiven now, where he is, there is no judgement and no regrets. And I'm doing the best I can to apply that same understanding each day while I'm still here. 


MsKris.... I needed to hear this! Thank you.
Love your comments, Kris.
Well said.
I have no regrets about my behavior at all.  Though Barry and I were both stubborn and fought sometimes, we had a fantastic relationship and loved each other so much.  We had our ups and downs, but I truly feel we had a wonderful marriage and I didn't act in any way that I regret.  And things that drove me crazy in our relationship, like him refusing to lose an argument and myself being forced to learn to "fight back" lol, I love that about me now.  He made me more assertive, and did he ever.  Perhaps it is because we got married so young, at 19, we shaped each other as we grew up together.
Cronan - Kris' comment is for you:  "A very wise person told me to let the thoughts and feelings of poor behavior go as there is an unspoken understanding,  a special intimacy in a loving marriage that forgives such actions."
If that's your biggest regret, you're doing OK. Was this at MD Anderson? I so remember getting into the bed with my husband there. Just think about how hard that was for us (the wives) as well. Our husband's didn't smell the same or look the same. Those were tough days and I know yours were tough like mine after reading your description of your husband's treatment. My husband got so mad at me one day in the hospital that he threw a water bottle at me, but he was all irrational from taking so many drugs, from being so weakened, and from living in a hospital with all those beeps and interruptions for so long. I'm sorry you feel bad about that moment when you wouldn't get into the bed, but I hope you know that it doesn't define how much you cared for him. xx
I have many regrets.  I regret getting angry over stupid leaving shoes out in the dining room instead of putting them in the bedroom or closet.  I regret not living my life more like my husband did.  He always saw the best in people and was so kind and welcoming.  Not that I'm not kind...I am, but I would get annoyed by people and feel taken advantage of at times.  Not him.  I regret not traveling more with him and for being content with just being together at home.  We should have experienced more of an active life together.  But, most of all I regret the times I got annoyed or frustrated with him for no reason.  It was because of me (being tired from work or stressed with family issues) that caused the annoyance...not him.  That I will regret the rest of my life.

Yes, that sounds exactly like what I feel. Somehow we need to forgive ourselves, we can rest assured that our husbands forgave us already. Hugs.

Oh you took the words right out of my mouth! I have been beating myself up since my husband died almost four and a half years ago!! So many times I was such a bitch and make life miserable. We were married for thirteen years and he had a drinking problem and then cheated on me, I divorced him and long story short we remarried years later after we both had failed marriages with other people. He had stopped drinking and we were older and wiser. We were togther a total of 35 years. But we didn't talk when he got the cancer and we didn't talk about him dying, we just didn't communicate about anything and he was not affectionate, but I knew he loved me. And I should have talked to him and thanked him for everything he did for me and all the ways he showed me how much he loved me but I didn't and he died and I feel so guilty and ashamed it's killing me!!!! Everyone says to get over it, that it's OK, he has forgiven me, but I can't forgive myself!


© 2020   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service