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Really beginning to feel distraught with life so I am here to whine. Don't want to hear it, hit delete, move on or whatever.  My husband passed away 6 months ago and I miss him terribly. I miss the companionship, his quiet strength, his dry sense of humor and I am so pissed that he didn't live to see Hilary Clinton lose the election.  (Not that he was terribly impressed with Trump either!)  But he closely followed politics and we discussed the happenings, good, bad and ugly daily.  I miss talking to him.  We were married 52 years and yes I know that is much longer than many of you had your loved ones and I am sorry for that.  But DH developed a chronic illness within the first year of our marriage so many of our years were not what one would call "stellar", but we did the best we could and we loved each other...actually were each others'  best friend.  But now on to today's "whine". I developed Tinnitus several years ago. It's a real joy killer to learn to live with; it seriously tries to steal your sanity I tell ya!  Then a few years ago I was diagnosed with Meniere's Disease.  Have only ever had 3-4 full blown "spinning", vomiting, (TMI, I know), episodes.  The past two weeks I have been having a flair and am staying close to home.  I had to be retrieved from the local grocery store, picked up at the curb after an elementary school concert, drug off to the ER by two really nice EMTs, but unfortunately while dragging me out of here, they really dinged up my hallway walls in my new house...and the halls are extra wide.  Now I have drywall repairs to get completed.  Was told by ENT to tell ER personnel to draw labs for electrolytes...told them twice. It didn't get done.  ENT not happy.  Called ENT's office to request script refills...3 conversations with 2 different nurses.   Went to pick up scripts 12/26 and was advised they were never called in. ENT is on an extended Holiday...good for her.  Had to track down doctor on call, he didn't want to call in scripts since I hadn't been seen in 3 months...duh...are you suppose to go every month/day just for good measure?  I explained about three phone calls with two different nurses, ER visit, etc., etc., he still protested but finally relented.  Thank you for your cooperation, Doctor.  I have three adult daughters who are a blessing and were all so supportive during their Dad's illness, especially the last 2 years with 18 hospital stays.  If I don't deserve a break, they sure as hell do.  This is absurd.  Every thing is such a struggle, I am tired.  I am tired of being burdened and being a burden. After 6 months, I am still trying to collect a measly $2000 life insurance payout. Every time I send them a completed form, they send me something else to complete. I am at the point I don't think 2k is worth it. I had to pick out my husband's headstone not once but twice, because the funeral home kept putting me off so I eventually went somewhere else.  Not something you want to do once, let alone twice.  Not very good "customer service", but then the customer is dead so what do they care.

As anyone who has walked the chronic illness path, you know you don't exactly collect a lot of friends along the way.  Especially when your disease involves bathroom issues, ostomy blowouts, fistulas and abscesses and your life consists of visits to 13 specialists.  My best female friend of 35 years stepped away when DH died.  She couldn't fit a visit to me in the month after his death because she was entertaining and going to see "Finding Dory", visiting ice cream shops, pizza parlors and such. Please don't preach forgiveness to me...I can forgive her, I just can't forget her blatant disrespect of the situation.  He died. He didn't have his gallbladder removed or break a leg, he DIED!  I am sorry it didn't happen at a more convenient time than when "Finding Dory" was showing, but we didn't get to chose.  If you're gonna tell me, "I wanted to come, but it didn't work out", perhaps you shouldn't have posted all the pictures on Facebook.  I would not have treated you that way. 

Tired, just tired...and pissed off too!

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Whine away Rose, we're here for you! Channel your pissed-off-ness and keep fighting the life insurance people, I truly have come to believe they are hoping you give up, go away or die before they have to pay out. Then, as soon as you have the energy, take your business elsewhere. Different doc, different friends, etc. I know how difficult it is to deal with anything and everything when you're not feeling 100% and dealing with a chronic or recurring illness. My escapes have been books and stupid comic movies.

And why didn't your doc say come on in and we'll draw the blood for the lab? Like you're supposed to do their work for them. If practicable, you could try just going to the doc's office and sitting there moaning and looking dreadful (preferably in front of a lot of other patients) until they take care of you just to get you out of the waiting room.

But to be less flippant, friends deal with death in different ways, some can't deal at all. This is a long-term friendship, maybe it gets one more chance. Could you call her and say, old friend, I'm having a lousy week, come over and help me spackle the wall, or whatever. Then if no response, cut her loose and don't look back.

So sorry that this is a time of struggle.

Thanks for your response widow85!  I personally liked your "flippant" remark.  We have had so many medical mishaps/screw-ups over the years, one more shouldn't surprise me! It truly is a wonder anyone gets out of hospitals alive.  As for giving the friendship another chance, trust me I have tried to come up with a way to do that.  Had it just involved "me", I wouldn't have a problem. We all have personality flaws, but her total lack of respect for my husband's passing...I just can't get by that.  She said, I wanted to come, but it didn't work out" and "I let life get in the way".  I found that very thoughtless since he DIED.  We had shared so many things over 35 years.  We welcomed them as new neighbors when they moved here away from their birth state. I cooked for her family when she was so ill with morning sickness with two of her pregnancies. We loaned them money to go home when family emergencies arose and they needed to travel.  When her husband was in a traffic accident, she called, I went. I could go on, but there's no point.  I can't even say I didn't see it coming as her text responses were usually one word, "praying".  Don't misunderstand, I wanted and needed her prayers, but for some reasons, lots of Christians think if they are praying that is all that is all God expects them to do.  I have never understood that. 

I will make an appointment and go follow-up with ENT in a couple of weeks.  It took everything I had to finally let my daughter call the ambulance the other evening as the very sounds and smells of a medical facility sends my mind right back to countless days and nights of tending DH and trying to explain things to nurses, and fighting to assure his care and to keep him alive. 

As for the wall, I have never "spackled" before...spell check doesn't like that word, so I can see I am already in trouble!  Thanks again for your response, I appreciate it.  Sorry, I think I have written another "whiney" post!  If you would like to share your story as to what "brings you here", I would be privileged to hear it.  I don't know enough about the site to know if there is private messaging or not.

When dealing with recalcitrant insurance companies, mention the name of your state insurance commissioner.  You should be able to find it on the Web.

Insurance companies do NOT like to have complaints filed against them.  A tactful letter detailing all the hoops you've had to jump through with a note that any subsequent correspondence will be cc'd to the state Insurance Commissioner should make them jump into action.  I worked in property-casualty insurance for 38 years and I hate to see companies behave like this.

Along with widowhood comes countless frustrations, things don't always go smoothly. I remember a lot of issues too--one where they cancelled his insurance the day before he passed instead of midnight. Hospital sent the bill to collections and I was hounded by them for six months. They even asked to speak to my husband! That's just one of many things--so I do get where you're coming from. My best advice would be to try to focus on one thing at a time.

Yes, I deal with several chronic conditions as well and had to undergo so much testing (and procedures) for several years. I hated facing all that by myself, I felt so alone and scared but I managed to get through it. The bad news is that they still cannot determine the cause for my anemia. I am not allowing anymore. I am not going to go through the same tests again as they are invasive and also pose a risk.

It is really very difficult the first months and years. You're dealing with grief which sucks up your energy and trying to manage the home front alone and it is not easy! What I had happen were many failures, you know when it's up to you to take care of the things your husband once did--but here's the thing. When we fail, we learn. (Have I learned a lot) When we get it right, we have succeeded and you need to keep it in mind and be proud.

Be patient with yourself, this process takes time. Be assured, you will get through this!


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