Advice, comfort for the newly widowed.

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Alive & Mortal on March 8, 2011 at 5:33am

In particular, I love your last sentence. Good stuff, Lynette.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Dawn on March 9, 2011 at 2:15pm

Thanks for sharing, the   " I try to remember how well loved I was by my husband, how proud he was of me, and that he would want me to live my life the best I can.

My husband was proud of my courage, strength and endurance of the things I was able to do, and the assistance I was to others.. I guess it took reading your words to help remind me <3

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jill on March 7, 2011 at 10:26pm

Sometimes unexpected people turn out to be really, amazingly helpful, while others whom you might have expected to be there cannot, for whatever reason. Accept the gestures of these unexpected angels. I found that often others who had experienced losses of their own, perhaps those who lost parents when they were children, were very attuned to my loss and the loss of my children. If you can open up to the help, you might be surprised at how much is out there for you.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Alive & Mortal on March 8, 2011 at 5:33am

Very true - help comes from unanticipated corners.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Lisa ( Marielee) on March 8, 2011 at 1:08am

 

 

 

I would tell someone....

from the very first minutes when you have to make decisons that  you thought you would never have to make alone trust your heart , your instinct. Somewhere deep inside you is the place that tells you what is the right thing for you . Seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months time does go by and somewhere in here, in your own process of greiving(not someone else's) the hurt will ease just a little.

Surround yourself with only those people that will love you unconditionally and support you no matter how crazy you are

Be kind to  yourself. Give yourself time to cry and heal

You don't have to answer to anyone but yourself.

Someone says something totally insensitive like " you are still young and beautiful and will find someone else" just turn around and without saying a word walk away. They will get the message loud and clear :)

Sometimes we don't get the answers to our "whys" here in this time on earth.

To cherish  your memories, honor your love daily and never forget that life is precious.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Alive & Mortal on March 8, 2011 at 5:35am

What I love about this is that it is that prompt to stay close in to your core.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Jill on March 9, 2011 at 1:40pm

Today, during a little cruise through the internet, I discovered this entry from a blog of a Buddhist physician. It is his letter to a widow. http://www.happinessinthisworld.com/2009/02/15/letter-to-a-widow/

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Alive & Mortal on March 9, 2011 at 2:35pm

Ah, that is wonderful.

This also reminds me of another letter that was written by Ram Dass to a family after their young daughter was murdered. Even though it is a parent's loss he is addressing, I think it is applicable here. It is called "Rachel's Letter" and is posted on his website. It may not work for everyone, please know that it is okay to disagree - as they say, take what you like and leave the rest. I post it if it brings anyone a lighter burden:

Dear Steve and Anita,

Rachel finished her work on earth, and left the stage in a manner that leaves those of us left behind with a cry of agony in our hearts, as the fragile thread of our faith is dealt with so violently. Is anyone strong
enough to stay conscious through such teaching as you are receiving?
Probably very few. And even they would only have a whisper of equanimity and
peace amidst the screaming trumpets of their rage, grief, horror and
desolation.

I can't assuage your pain with any words, nor should I. For your pain is Rachel's legacy to you. Not that she or I would inflict such pain by choice, but there it is. And it must burn its purifying way to completion. For
something in you dies when you bear the unbearable, and it is only in that
dark night of the soul that you are prepared to see as God sees, and to love
as God loves.

Now is the time to let your grief find expression. No false strength. Now is the time to sit quietly and speak to Rachel, and thank her for being with you these few years, and encourage her to go on with whatever her work
is, knowing that you will grow in compassion and wisdom from this experience.
In my heart, I know that you and she will meet again and again, and
recognize the many ways in which you have known each other. And when you
meet you will know, in a flash, what now it is not given to you to know: Why
this had to be the way it was.

Our rational minds can never understand what has happened, but our hearts – if we can keep them open to God – will find their own intuitive way. Rachel came through you to do her work on earth, which includes her manner of
death. Now her soul is free, and the love that you can share with her is
invulnerable to the winds of changing time and space. In that deep love,
include me.

In love,

Ram Dass

 

I particularly like the sentence: Now her soul is free, and the love that you can share with her is invulnerable to the winds of changing time and space.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by cleodoggie on March 10, 2011 at 12:05pm

I got the best advice from my youngest daughter.  Talk to dad mom...if it would make you feel better.  I still talk to him every night and talk just the way we did when he was here.  A widow friend of mine talks to her husband too.  It won't bring them back but it sure helps. Remember love never dies.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Alive & Mortal on March 10, 2011 at 5:42pm

Wisdom from kids is always spot on.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on March 10, 2011 at 3:01pm

Thank you for sharing this, Jill.  I'm closing in on 6 months and these words were exactly what I needed to read today.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by SallyStarre on April 19, 2011 at 10:33am

Jill

   Thank you for the link to that beautiful letter.  I lost my husband on March 12th and am having a difficult time coping.The letter was inspirational

• ▶ Reply

• ‹ Previous
• 1
• 2
• 3
• Next ›
• Page