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Hi!

   I have a question...

   What do you do when you have an older son who was VERY CLOSE to Dad. And in his eyes, no one MALE should get too close to Mom The son is very protective. 

Susan

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As they say, timing is everything ...

I recall many widow/ers ready to date were questioned about their love for their Mom or Dad ...

Even though dating is an individual choice, children, no matter their age, need their time to grieve ...

Changes are not easy for anyone ...

Oh my.   My grown son's response after my husband (his step-dad) passed away last year was;   Oh dear, now I have to worry about my 73 yr old mother dating!!!   Complete role reversal at this stage in life.   In time, I'm sure your son would be fine with you finding a "man" friend.   Son's are much more receptive than a daughter  

Hi @Susan,

I was asked a month after my wife Lisa passed if I would date again... I had know idea if I would, the thought scared me, but now I look at it differently.

My story is very different for many reasons. Last year I was going through depression and wasn't thinking right, until a close friend reconnected with me, I have known her since I was 12 years old, and we dated in High School. She even came to our wedding and Lisa and I went to her wedding a year later. 

So last year Lisa started to ask more about T and how she was going, we both got told that her marriage was not strong and hadn't been for years, my wife started pushing me towards T and asking for updates. When Lisa passed I felt like I was cheating on Lisa as I was talking to T more and I still felt married to her. But I dug deep and pushed it from my mind after speaking to my Doctor as I was also having nightmares seeing Lisa dying in front of me every night...

I found out that T hadn't truely closed off her feelings for me and I felt the same, even after 27 years since we broke up. Lisa even wrote me a letter a week after she was diagnosed with Brain Tumours in 2017 telling she wanted me to be happy and not to be alone, she knew that I needed that companionship and the support.

The first thing I did was talk to my kids I have a son (18), daughter (16) and a son (11) - asking them what they thought of me talking to T and what if down the track we became more than friends. I was surprised and humbled by my amazing kids responses and love they had for me... They had seen the pain and heartache that I had been through watching Lisa battle her Cancer and how much I did as her Full-Time career (I stopped working, we were both on Pensions, I was her Uber driver, Chef, House Cleaner, Dad & Mum, PA, Went to all appointments - Chemo, MRI, CT, Cyberknife, Brain Surgery, Drug Dealer, I even had to inject her daily with Blood Thinner meds).

I had put on a lot of weight and wasn't mentally and physically healthy. I was told by my daughter that it was my time to shine and mum would want me to be happy and that my youngest son missed out on having a mum around for the past 3 years (he was 8 when Lisa was first diagnosed). In fact my youngest is the biggest supporter of my new friendship and hopes one day calling T his Step mum. 

We have our own FB Messenger group and the kids and I talk to T, we Skype when we can (she lives over 4000km away from me) and my kids talk to her, we talk about Lisa and T encourages it and wants to know more about Lisa and what she was like. Nothing is hidden, they know where I stand, it's not going to happen over night, it might take another year, but if love comes back into my life again I will grab it by both hands and hold on to it for dear life. 

So if I was in your position and my kids were older and Adults, I would still in form them of the relationship I had with this new person, be it just friends or coffee buddies, but I would not let them determine how I live my life, I would also know that Lisa would be supporting me where ever she is. My relationship with T started off as just friends someone I could confide in and express how and what I was going through, it has blossomed from that, we talk pretty much everyday via phone calls or Skype, we have so much in common and my kids know she will never replace Lisa but are so stocked that I am happy, I have also lost over 15kg since Feb 2019

Please note that I have not looked for a relationship or love again, but it has found me.

I am going to date again.  I have informed my son (20) of this.  He’s not crazy about the idea but when I pointed out he wouldn’t want me to be alone & he would want me to be happy, he warmed up to the idea.

Good for you, Laurie. Dating after the death of your spouse is tricky territory and many cannot step into it. Everyone needs to do what feels right to them.

I waited two years before a date after we had been married for almost 50 years. Two of my children encouraged it. They knew I was alone and all the kids lived quite a distance away. One daughter (in her mid-40's) said "I don't want a step father". I told her I wasn't interested in finding her a step father, but I did want a playmate to keep me company. OOOOOhhhh. The light bulb came on! I found a wonderful guy who was also widowed. She loves him now and recognizes he would do anything for me or anyone in our family. Keep looking and stay safe!

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