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the more I prefer to be alone.  Anyone else?

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I married for the first time when I was 31 so I definitely had "practice" living alone.  I grew up in a family of 5 kids, always shared a room with my sister, and finally had a place of my own- the freezing attic room of an old Victorian house- my junior year in college.  It was heaven.  

DH (second husband) and I were married 13 years when he died 3 weeks ago.  I loved being married to DH and many times in a day I think of something I want to tell him or ask him and then realize he's gone.  I'm finding, though, that I enjoy living by myself again.  I get to the gym every day and have outside activities, but I set my own schedule, sleep when I want to, wake up when I want to... it's a nice change.  I'm retired so I don't even have to answer to a manager.  I may take up playing classic rock on the sound system again (DH and I had many similar interests but he hated rock music).  I could get used to this.


I agree.

As an only child I was raised to be quite independent. Thought I would stay single for the rest of my life, then I met Janet. Together 34 years I'm back on my own again. No one could or ever will replace her. So while I still socialize somewhat I am very content to be living on the small farm Janet and I built located at the end of a dirt road that is rarely used.

Ok if people come over but I'm not sending out invitations.


I was married for thirty years.

At first, I needed to get out of the house--just NOT to be there. After some time, I got used to being on my own again.

I still socialize, but (being an introvert) I need my "alone time" to recharge.

Fellow introvert.  I totally get the "alone time to recharge" part.  But I sorely miss the "you and me against the world" part.  Having a life partner was so sweet.

Main Room

I was alone when I met my wife and I was miserable. I don't do the alone thing very well at all. I think that is my biggest fear that I might be alone till the end of my own life. I prefer a partner in life. Giving and receiving love everyday. I have only been alone for a month and its already weighing on me. I need to get out and be around people.

It's hard to describe. But, I like being alone with my own thoughts. But not in my own space. I'll go to the bar. Or out to a movie by myself. When it's warm, I frequent parks. There's people around, but would rather not interact with the people around me. I have friends, and I end up meeting up with them eventually but I cherish these public alone times. When I'm in my own space, I tend to go deeper in thought and get sadder. Maybe it's the fact I have to keep it together around strangers which drives me to go into public spots more?

The more I love it!

At 9yrs out, I've never dated nor do I have any interest ...

All I knew in the beginning was that I had to learn to cope w/my fears (of being on my own) as well as stay vigilant in reeling myself in whenever I had a wild hankering to do something stupid or dangerous ...

I, also, thank Mother Nature for slamming me into menopause a couple of months after Bob died. Yippy!!! No libido to make me crazier ...

I wish being alone wasn't so hard. I am working on some projects and its stuff she used to help me with. I keep working in between the tears. This was not our plan. It is not the way it was supposed to be. Just going shopping today was an adventure in trying to hold back the tears. This was her element, not mine. I have to stumble thru. I could not go out by myself. That would be just too much. So I stay in and try to keep busy.

You're still so new at this and being a caregiver for so long means that there is this GIANT hole in every day where you don't know what to do with  yourself.  That is normal.  

Strange, isn't it?  Shopping can be a minefield!  I once started crying over Kalamata Olives!!!  Hubby and I went to Greece, and drove through Kalamata.  You just never know what will set you off!

Keeping busy is key to sanity and well-being!  I don't know if you are retired..I am.  I joined Habitat for Humanity and am on the building crew one day a week, and work in the offices one day a week (and monitor the phones at the ReStore and schedule pickups of donations 6x week!)  And it really filled a void.  No...I didn't know how to build before joining... they don't care. They will show you how.  Meaningful work, whatever it is, should help you through.

I too prefer to be alone.  I have neighbors and long-distance friends I keep in touch with. I have become a recluse, with my dog; I do get out and walk him daily and sometimes talk to others out there, but I am at peace living alone.  The down-side is I am getting lazy about cleaning the house.  But who cares about a clean house when you've lost all your loved ones.

Would I like to have my husband back? YES.

Am I eager to get involved with another guy so I won't be alone? NO!

I have no problem being alone and have accepted that this is how I will spend the rest of my life.


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