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the more I prefer to be alone.  Anyone else?

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Are we not all collectively working with unknown outcomes?
I for one have no idea what my future will look like. I'm pushing towards a future, taking steps forward but I have no idea what the outcome will be. Will I fully get over my wife? Will I find that piece that I so desperately need? It just seems like we have to work with a great unknown.

mls64 I totally agree.

I am an "extroverted introvert", which means I enjoy being with other people, but I need a good deal of time at home by myself.  Emphasis on "at home."  For me, a weekend away is not half as enjoyable as a weekend at home when I can just relax.  I feel no need or desire for another male companion.  Sometimes it bothers me that I like this life so much; it makes me feel like the 30 years I was with my husband made no sense.  Maybe it's that during those years I was a younger and different person for whom marriage was fulfilling, but now I am old and crabby (*grin*) and I like to go my own way.

I think it all just hurts to much.
An urgency to find another future. Just to try and get out of the painful place I or we are currently in ?! Does that make any sense ? Any future would do!
We miss our partners and their absence is so magnified during the early months and years. It is almost frighteninig-- how am I going to manage the rest of my life alone? There are a lot of things that float around our heads for a long time. I think as time goes by and we are surviving and slowiy adjusting, we realize (at least some of us) that we can get by alone. Once we are not driven by fear or intense sadness, then we can make a choice as to whether remaining single is the best option for us.

IMO, it comes with risk. Dating as we get older is diffferent. I have to say, I would rather be alone than with someone that turns out to be wrong for me. I could not deal with turmoil at this point in my life! Alone is not the worst situation to be in. Also, I know for certain I would never marry again. So, I guess what I am saying is being single isn't so awfully bad, it actually does have some advantages. Once we pass through grief, we can see these options much more clearly and decide what is best for us. If we do decide to go looking, it will be for the right reason--but again, this is just my own opinion. I do not fault anyone for doing what they think is best for them. So far, I am good with remaining alone!

I've just passed five years since Ray died.  He was in care for the fifteen month prior to his passing so I have been alone for a long time. For the first few years it was really hard, and I missed him terribly.  Then my life settled down and I tried dating an older man but could see it was not what I wanted and he was the same having been alone for a long time..  It is not easy to fit in with someone else's schedule at my age (70) so we are still friends but that is all.  I feel better about being alone now. Maybe I will find another person to do some eating out or going to the movies with but for now my widowed friends are the people I eat out with.  At 70 being alone is not the worse thing that happens. 


   It seems to me that someday's I feel fine alone... Other days, I wish I wasn't alone. But if I need to be out amongst others, I just leave the house. I hope that is normal.

   I'm looking forward to becoming a Grandma for the first time. It won't be long now. She is due on Oct. 26 :-) I'm trying to concentrate on that and that only.



That's great news Susan. There is nothing quite like holding a grandchild for the first time! It also helps ease the pain of grief, if only for a while. You have something to look forward to, and it will be love at first sight!

Thanks Callie!

   I'm looking so forward to this baby boy. :-) 


There are times when I am fine when I'm on my own and times when I hate it. I had a good Christmas but now everyone I know seem to have plans for January (which is school holidays here) and my routine is disrupted as most of the organisations I belong to close down for at least three weeks so I have little to do and too much time on my own. When I was part of a family that was rest and relaxation time now it seems slow and boring.


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