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the more I prefer to be alone.  Anyone else?

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I am new here. Holidays are always hard but I have been alone now for 8 years and am used to being alone. I tried the "Match" thing and that was horrible. So many unrealistic expectations. I have my dog and spend time ith my adult daughter when we can get together.  

This is the 6th Christmas without the love of my live and I feel like I have been in a coma most of that time and have been running on remote control just going through the motions.  I loved my time with him and we did almost everything together. Even just sitting in the car or in front of the tv was comfortable just having him there.  I lived alone when I first moved to NYC. Then got married - had children - then was suddenly alone again. Then met a special man and didn't want to be alone, But now I am. 

  I think it was easier when I was younger as I could do more things on my own. Now physical challenges stop me from doing even simple repairs in the house - and it is had to find someone to come in and do the little things - like this morning my bathtub drain stopped draining,:)  When the ice in the driveway melts I will run to the store and get some drain clearer to try before I call an expensive plumber.

 Athena - I still start to call him, or look at my watch and think he will be coming home soon. One of the hardest places is the grocery store, I keep picking up things because "he would love this"  Quite often I leave the store almost in tears.

 I wish all of you peace as you go through this season. I feel we can do what is right for us, if it is to be alone for the day, be with family/friends or even travel.  I thought about taking a trip, but don't know where to go and still not comfortable with the idea of doing it alone.

  Peace and Hugs

 My son lives with me but he is in his room on his computer most of the time. I spend my day working on models and building stuff and crying when the waves pass over me. The more I am alone the harder this gets. Went to the bank today and the craft store and I was fine. Even interacted with a few people. Soon as I get home the waves hit. I may never adjust to being alone.

You're new to all of this, and each one of us has to find his/her own way. You are doing just that.

The waves will hit and you will cry. this is normal. One goes through grief; not around, over or under it. This is an ugly process, but you are doing the right thing by meeting it head-on and not avoiding it. Keep reading and posting. It will help you.

Hello Stevie60 - my wife passed away in May or 2012.  And I still talk to her daily.  And this is indeed my biggest fear.  I don't do alone well, and I don't want to be alone.  My kids 18 and 22 - are home from school - which is great - but dear daughter had a screamfest just now and called me every name in the book, etc.  how she hates me, and that I'll end up alone.

Well, she might be right.  The longer I'm alone, the harder it becomes to be with other people. (I had a relationship for a few months 2 years ago - which I expect was a HUGE mistake kid wise)

When they're at school, I am alone.  Some days I don't speak to anyone.  And I find it harder and harder to "get out" and "do something."

And literally I don't do anything differently, the house is still the same, etc.

I originated this thread and it seems some are taking my "finding the more I am alone, the more I prefer to be alone" meaning I don't want another man in my life.  Another man has never occurred to me. I was speaking of any and all company. Since the post, life has become even more complicated and I feel more that way all the time except that I have been suffering from Vertigo and have had to depend on my adult children quite a lot.. They are concerned about my welfare and while I appreciate that, these three grew up with a sick father who only grew more and more ill.  The last 2-3 years of his life was extremely difficult for all and part of the reason he said, "I'm done."

I expect the Vertigo will eventually subside, but it has certainly fueled a lot of thoughts I have been having.  I will admit that on some level after 50+ years of caring for someone, and please don't misunderstand...I would do it again in a heartbeat, now I am requiring someone to help me.  Makes me so angry.  My girls don't deserve this and frankly neither do I.  Please, I know there are people who are worse off, but after 50 years of telling yourself that, pulling yourself up and together again and again and again, hearing/knowing that is no longer helpful. I am tired, just tired.

Hello Rose,

Thx for your thread, when I chimed in, it was based on my feeling of being more independent since 2013 when I lost my husband to cancer. Although, I do not want to remarry, not even date yet.   I'm sorry about your vertigo, my MIL has that, she takes three or four pills per day, depending on how she feels (dizzy and so forth), the prescription has been around for many years and is generic.  It does help her along with some forms of learning to get up from her bed, chairs, etc.  She was also told about a new procedure done by ENT doctors, something to do with the hair inside your ears, right now I can't remember what it is called, but it does have good reviews for working to change the way vertigo affects people.  Take Care I'm sure your kids will get through this, per your post, your have very amazing children, who as you said have endured so much worst.

Sea Bands, those little elasticated cuffs which you wear on your wrists for motion sickness (and morning sickness) are brilliant and well worth a try, especially if the vertigo is caused by an inner ear problem.
I wear them when I am up stepladders, because when I look up I get vertigo.

Yes..the more I am alone, the more i like it. I definitely am not looking to remarry - i was lucky to have 22 years with a wonderful man who can never be replaced, and and I dont need someone....i see girl friends occasionally (probably should do more) but the only bad time is Xmas when I am alone in this city no family here. The babble of human voices sometimes drives me crazy. And Match, etc i have heard so many bad stories, if i ever got the urge to date I would never use those sites.

It's better to be alone - safer than being with someone who may say something hurtful (without even meaning to)

Yes, I've always been a homebody, not a socializer. But I don't even want the distraction of the TV or radio. My quiet time is very precious !

So have I - my late wife was the social one!!

So it's been 5 years and 4 months for me.  And except for my kids (in college) when they're home...I too fear it's all too easy to just be home with the TV or a book.  All too learn to be by yourself...


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