Thinking of you this upcoming week, KMA.
April 16th, Easter. April 18th, my first birthday without him. Hard to think about planning something to do, but know I should do something so I'm not just wallowing.
I hope you have a " As Happy as Possible Birthday " ... Do you have a son, daughter friend to go to Dinner with to celebrate your birthday ? On MY birthday, my son took me out to eat. If you don't know already, I'll tell you again... Your husband would not want you to sit home and be sad on your birthday. ... :-) ... In December ( My Birthday ), you can remind me that I told you this, so I can take my own advice. ;-)
My husband passed away 3 years ago April 17. This week brings back so many memories of that week when he was unconscious in the hospital after a heart attack. My emotions have been up and down and I feel restless . I haven't decided what to do on Easter or on the day he passed away. i usually go to church and sing in teh choir but it is hard to sing at this time of year.I may go for a drive in the mountains that he loved or I may go visit family.I feel I have come a long way but I still miss him soooo very much..
Today (April 13) is our 26th wedding anniversary. Last year, on our 25th, I gave her a new ring and asked her to marry me again. May 1st is the anniversary of our falling in love; a day we celebrated with greater emphasis than our wedding anniversary. And May 8 will be the one-year anniversary of the day she died.
How can I get through the next few weeks?
Intellectually, I know that these anniversaries are subjective and arbitrary, but nevertheless I feel them looming over me. And I know that statistically those are days when many widowers feel too overwhelmed to go on, and give in to the desire to end their grief. I wouldn't want to be one of those men.
I don't have any local family, and none of my local friends can empathize with my situation. It's difficult. I'm seeing my therapist twice a week, and she's concerned for me (even though I've assured her that I won't do anything to harm myself).
Can anyone share any tips about things that have helped them get through the first anniversaries?
I have no idea, but to say that I probably feel just as terrible as you. April 10th was our wedding anniversary, we were only together 11 years, married for 6. I cried all day at work and before I left I called my mom to tell her I needed help with the kids because I couldn't mom that day. My sister brought over tacos and we played video games and watched the warriors game. I can empathize with you if that helps, but I can't take the pain away. I would let yourself cry if that is what you need, I did all day long. Feel free to reach out to someone if you have someone to trust. I told my sister that I would be terrible company, but if she could feed me and be around me I would appreciate it. I hope today goes better than you think it will and that you remember lots of good and happy times.
Thank you for sharing and empathizing. For whatever reason, I find it comforting to be reminded that many people are in my situation, and my grief is not unique.
Today was harder than it's been for a few months, but I made it through. I distracted myself by trying to help an old friend of my wife and I who's had a run of bad luck, and then by going to the monthly meeting of my Masonic Lodge, where the members all knew and cared for my wife. It wasn't the all-encompassing, all-supporting environment that I would've liked, but it was still helpful.
And our cat seemed to sense that I was more down than usual, and voluntarily spent some quality time in my lap.
One anniversary date down, two to go.
The last three years we (friends and family) went out to eat at one of Lupe's favorite restaurants. May 6 will be four years. I wonder how many people will still be interested in doing this? I will find out soon.
I occupied myself on April 8th which would have been our 28 year anniversary. Went hiking with a good friend & then spent the evening with other friends. I was terrified of being alone that day. It's been 4 months since he died but it feels like just yesterday. So grateful for this site and so tired of crying. I read a post from another member who very delicately brought up feeling suicidal, that is how I feel- would never do it but feels like life is futile now that I am on my own. Our 22 year old daughter is depending on me to be there for her future so that is my focus and reason for not falling completely apart.