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Are you in process of moving on, creating a new life after the loss of your spouse?

Hello, my name is Steve and my long time male life partner passed in March 2009, from an 18 month battle with stage 4 colon cancer. We had just celebrated our 30th anniversary the prior January before he passed, I was 46 and he 50 yrs old when he passed. I was absolutely devestated At his passing, the shock and awe of finding myself in this situation was so hard for me to swallow, and I was just so lost and didn't think I would survive it. It took me about 3 yrs to realize that I wasn't going to be joining him in heaven any time soon, and it was time for me to start trying to put a new life together. I have read so many books, participated in weekly therapy, and have done everything I could think of to assist me in my healing, and trying to let go of my prior life with Mike and allow myself to find a new, happy, content life. I am at peace where Mike is, I know he still loves me, and we will be together again, when its my time to pass. The tricky part I am going thru now, is moving on. I have worked very hard at this part. I have faced going thru all our memories and trinkets, cleaned out my entire life of our stuff we shared. I have moved from our home, come to terms with all the long time friends that are no longer a part of my life, a new wonderful man popped into my life in Aug 2013 and although I had great reservations and apprehension, I decided to move forward with him into a new love and committed relationship. We have now been together since December 2013. I love him very much, he is a wonderful guy. But still, in the quiet, I am still looking for my old life on a daily basis. I think I have moved on, have so many wonderful things in this new life, but still, I feel like something huge is still missing. Deep down inside, I am sad, lost and still yearning for Mike, still looking for him when I wake, still expecting him to be there when I have joyous news, or face a difficult challenge. I am still surprised at times, when I am cooking dinner waiting for my partner to walk in the door, and it's not Mike, it's now Chris. "Oh yea". "Mike is gone"! There are so many moments in my daily life, that are different now. Not that my new life isn't good, I'm very lucky, and have so many good things, it's just trying to create this new life, as my new "normal". When Chris holds me, is affectionate to me, picks me up from the airport, just every day, normal things, I'm still disappointed deep down inside, it's not Mike. I'm so sad, that I'm not so fulfilled, and joyous, in this new life, like I was before. I know I have to be patient, the connection I had to Mike was built over 30 yrs, and I have to give it time with Chris and my new friends, and so on. I just don't feel the connection to this new life, feels like I woke up in a new strange life, and I'm trying to make it work, but it feels like I'm faking it to a degree. 95% of the people in my new life are new, and I'm grateful for them, but I miss that long time connection with people I loved and knew so well. I'm missing "home". I'm hoping someone out there is going thru the same thing, or has gone thru the same thing and can share their experience in this.

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Hey Steve! So nice that you are only an hour away! The hotel is the Marriott Marquis San Diego, it's on the Waterfront -333 West Harbor Drive, San Diego. Absolutely stunning location. Hanging out anywhere on property is an experience in itself! Dianne's idea of meeting up at the pool bar is an excellent one! Like I said, I'd really love to go! And if I do go, I'd absolutely love to meet for lunch or dinner! :)
I know that property, just let me know if you decide to come, I would love to meet up with you. Take care. Also send me a private message if you wish and I can send you my private email and phone.
Ok, will do! Am traveling this summer with my mom. But, I'd love to come to San Diego too...went to CWW in 2013, it was phenomenal! Just will have to wait and see -SD is a rather long flight for me. I might decide rather last minute. My back and sciatica is still an issue, albeit a lesser one, praise The Lord!
I still think Dianne's idea is a great one for you! The pool bar meet up is usually Thursday, this year will be July 23. It's very causal. Everyone just hangs out and gets to know each other- oftentimes people from widowed village will just "drop by" even if they are not signed up for camp. As it gets closer to camp Dianne usually posts a "meet up group event"and you can see who from Widville will be there... Hope all is going ok with your Mom... Take care and I'm thinking of you, Chris and your Mom :)

The Thursday Widville MeetUp event has been posted; here's a link to it:  San Diego Camp Thursday MeetUp

And here's the link to the forum discussion on the San Diego Camp:  Let's get acquainted before San Diego Camp

Are there any meetings ever in Phoenix?

David
Hi everyone, well today was a rough one. It seems that since I have taken over my parents life and care, everything always seems to take 5 times as long to complete, or is 5 times more difficult to complete. It seems that there are always at least 5 things I am juggling and struggling with to get completed, while taking care of mom, meals, laundry, doctors appts, house keeping and the rest. I don't know if I'm just stupid, or if things have always been this hard and I never realized it before. The morning started off with me logging into one of my parents banks to pay some bills. When I logged in, the system gave me a message that my user name had been locked, and to call customer service. When I called customer service, answered their 25 security questions, and advised them I was power of attorney and so on, the rep said I would have to call back with my mom because they couldn't help me even though the per of attorney on file. When mom got up gave her breakfast then called the bank with mom in tow. Answered their Ty questions again, and after being on hold back and forth for an hour, they advised that I have to go into our local branch with mom, to get problem resolved. this is a huge deal for us, and about the 5 th times in 3 months that they have had some problem and required me to physically come into the branch with mom to resolve a problem. Anoth thing that happened is dads SSI check didn't show up in the bank this month. So this has created a ton of paperwork and red tape involving dads doctors and me filling out paperwork, then I have to go to SSI office and wait in line to become dads representative payee so they will talk to me and tell me where dads check went. It's these things that just pop up out of the blue, that are a huge task to resolve, and it's one thing after another. I am doing better this week with feelings of "home" with Chris. I caught a cold from him the past weekend, and he told me to lay down, tucked me into bed, waited on me hand and foot, and was just a dream. After going thru a flu, and several colds on my own after Mike passed, it was so awesome to have someone make me home made chicken soup from scratch, and run to the drug store for me. I stayed in bed Sunday and Monday, felt horrible, and when I got up out of bed, the house was tidy and vacuumed, the kitchen was spotless, all the dishes were put away, and I felt so appreciated. So loved. It was great. I was out running errands today for dad and mom and Chris called me to see where I was and when I would be home. He missed me. I had such a warm flush come over me when we hung up, it's nice to have that again, someone to miss me and wonder where I am. After I got home, walked into the apartment, Chris was just finishing up the dishes and cleaning the kitchen, this is new for him, he has taken on this responsibility on his own, and it feels good to have someone helping me with the chores again. I layed down about 10pm for the night and Chris was laying next to me and we were going to watch some tv. He cuddled close into me and said he loved me, I thanked him for all his help, and I told him I not only love him, but really like him. He said, a www thank you! That is the first time someone has said that to me. I'm trying really hard to notice and be aware, of the moments in my life. Even though I'm so buried right now in responsibility, I try to go slow, listen to music in the car, say hello to strangers on the street, hold the door for people, smell the flowers we have worked so hard to grow on our patio, and stop and sit with mom, talk to her about her shows and listen to what she has to say. It is so easy for me to run around like a chicken with my head cut off, and then I'm exhausted and haven't spent any time with Chris or mom that day.i don't wait to later to spend time with mom or Chris. I sit down now with mom to listen to her tell me how the contestant on one of her game shows just won a car and so on. Listen to Chris tell me about his best friend that is struggling with drugs and counsel him about it. It's so strange, but also with a taste of wonderful, this new life, that I could have never imagined. I'm very close still with my first partners mother, and she was recently diagnosed with bladder cancer. So I call her every other day to see how she is doing, offer my love, support and advise. It's scary, I have known her for almost 40 yrs, she has been more of a mother to me than my real mother, and it trips me out that she is now 76 and she is getting up there in age. I always think of her in her 40s. It's weird, this time of life, when it seems everyone around me is preparing to leave. Lol. Not Chris thank god for him, but everyone else. Just thought I would write. Gnite

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