When Barry was alive, he always told me that he wanted me to keep his ashes in the back of the van, and then if I got stuck in the ice or snow, to throw him under the tires and he'd help me get going. LOL I was always horrified when he said that, but now it makes me smile and laugh at his humour, which I miss every single day.
He was cremated, but he was a big guy. Tall and stocky, and overweight, so I have a LOT of ashes. When I was at the funeral home with my mom, I picked out an oak urn and had it engraved, and he was put inside. This is now sitting on top of my very high book shelf that we can look at but not see unless we look for it. There were extra ashes though, and some I had put into the kids' teddy bears (we made teddy bears at Build a Bear last father's day,the ashes I took along were in film canisters), and maybe an 1/8th of a tsp I had put in my pendant (which I showed on an earlier post), but we have so many more.
I was doing what I thought was the proper thing when he died. I know he wanted an urn, so I got one. But now I don't know what to do with them at all. I have extra in my hope chest, and this big heavy oak box on my book shelf. It was a waste of $300 to be honest. We dont have anywhere that is extremely special to us, I don't feel right about putting him in a cemetary because what if I move some day? but would it be wrong to keep him in the closet? One of my girlfriends did this actually, she didn't "display" them. I just did that because I felt it was right, but now I don't really want to have them out. And let's not get started on the extras..yikes.
I'm just drawing a blank because I don't know what to do. I guess I could keep them till the kids are older and then if they want to have them, they can divvy them up? that sounds morbid, but i dont have any other ideas.
Made the decision to put Mike by his parents. Now to get myself to the cemetery, find their marker and decide how to go from there. Not much time left before kids get out of school. Hope to have this done soon. I don't know what else to do, I know he would be happy being with them. Better than sitting in the spare bedroom. And yes, I opened the box and put my fingers through them once. Gave him the riot act while doing it lol! Haven't felt the need to do that since though.
My husband and I felt the same way as you and your husband about wakes, funerals, etc... We ended up having a wake (for everyone else, not for me) but it was very non traditional. My husband's ashes were not even present because he was still being autopsied (there just happened to be a big shake-up at the local coroner's office due to corruption issues the day my husband died, leading to delay after delay....just what I needed at the time....right?) My children, some of my in-laws and I made poster boards with our favorite pictures of Reid which were displayed at the wake while his favorite songs were playing in the background. Our religious background is exactly like yours so we didn't do the church thing. When the ashes were ready I was not. The funeral home would not store them for me so I had to go and pick them up. That was extremely hard! I cried all the way home and left them in the garage all night. They are still in the garage in one of my husband's favorite places, his beloved pickup truck. I haven't decided what to do with them. I've changed my mind a dozen times so, I've decided not to make any decisions until I'm totally sure it's the right one.
I've enjoyed reading the posts about what others have done! There's some great ideas here.
KrustyTheCat - It sure does sould like he had a great sense of humor! I know you must miss him terribly. When my partner died, she made a whole body donation and the remains were cremated and returned to me. I still have them sitting in the beautiful heart shaped box they were shipped in, which is on a shelf in my living room right next to a picture of her and the guest book from her celebration of life, as well as a box of condolence cards. I know she wanted her ashes scattered in the ocean, but I did not get them in time for the celebration of life and have been putting it off ever since. One of my acquaintences waited a year, and then scattered the ashes at a small memorial get together. When my great uncle died, my cousin made 8 containers, 1 for each family member, and the ashes were divided among us. (By the way, she is a potter, and made and fired the "urns." ) One of my friends wants me to send her some of the ashes so she can have them made into a piece of jewelry for me. Whatever you decide to do will be fine. Wishing you peace and strength!
Thanks everyone for your responses.
Time is counting down now, and we leave for our trip to spread his ashes in just two weeks. I'm a little scared, but I can imagine that is completely normal. I feel like I am really letting him go this time. But at the same time, i haven't felt his presence in a long time, and I feel he is really at peace now and has moved on.