One of my widow friends told me, shortly after I was widowed, "Now you will find you." It is true, I was half of "Barb and Frank" for so long, it is hard being just me. But I am doing things I have always wanted to do and I think my husband would approve. I will always be half of us, but now just in my heart. The world sees just me. Always cherish who you were as a couple, no one can ever take that away from you. But be open to the new you.
Thanks for your comment, Barb...I was married to my best friend and soul mate, Bruce for nearly 34 years and you articulated exactly how I feel.
It is so strange being just me...I catch myself continually still saying "we" and have to catch myself and say "I mean I"...there are days that I am strong and very proud at what I am able to accomplish, i.e. basic home repairs, etc. Then there are those days, like yesterday, that I have a complete melt down and don't know how to live without him...evenings are the absolute worst as we always spent our evenings together, eating, watching TV, etc.
Thank you again...helps to hear that others share the same feelings / emotions.
I can't disagree with a single thing here. I missed Judith's presence, looks, glances, hugs, advice, etc. I was afraid of being alone more than anything else--and yet I moved forward. My days were either ones of "resignation" or "acceptance". The former finally gave way to the latter. Many of my triggers began to fade. I know that something can (and probably will) happen--and whenever it does, I 'll deal with it.
I shall never forget, but after five years, I am "me" first, rather than the "surviving half" of the couple that once was. There is a difference.
I'm glad this thread was started. It's hard to describe this feeling to DGIs, but I know everyone here, while not necessarily thinking such things are possible (as I did once) at this given moment, either "gets it" now or will later on.
It stands for "Don't Get Its" ... those who have not lost their person (yet).
There is a poem by e.e. Cummings entitled " I Carry Your Heart, I Carry You In my Heart," which I can relate to.
I find that no matter where I am or where I go, the part of him that cannot die stays with me. I am nearly 2 1/2 years along and I still miss him and think of him all the time. In essence, I carry his heart, I carry it in my heart.