A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Before you judge my life,
Before you judge my life, my past or my character.. Walk in my shoes, walk the path I have traveled. Live my sorrow, my doubts, my fear, my pain and my laughter. Remeber, everyone has a story. When you've lived my life then you can judge me.
I came to this site because of a friend who mentioned it. I have made friends here but I have since run into the same thing I have on another site. Please do not ask for the name of the site because I will not give it to anyone.
People sometimes say things when they are hurting or having a bad day. Other people then judge them because of something they said. Do we all not have a right to our opionion? I may say some thing that may offend someone else. It is not intentional and please remember, it is only my opinion and not yours. I respect your opinion so please respect mine. We all grieve differently and how we handle it depends are where we are at any given moment in time.
I see some topics discussed in the Main Chat Room that I do not think should be discussed therefore I do not comment on them. This is my opinion and my opinion only, if you are going to bring up a topic in the chat room, please remember that people may think and say things contrary to what you think they should say. Be prepared to not just the good and compassionate words but possibly negative words as well. It is a part of life and it is definitely a part of grief. I chose my words very carefully and at times I chose to not comment to a post or a topic in the main chat room. It is because I am me and I am learning who the new me is. I speak more openly, honestly and frankly than I have ever done before. I thank my late husband for that. He spoke his mind and was not afraid to say what he thought. He taught me to learn to accept people for who they are.
Once a word has been uttered we cannot take it back. It is gone forever. Listen to what is not said instead of what is said. For it is what the person doesn't say that tells you something about them.
I pray that we all learn to be more compassionate and caring persons as we travel this difficult journey called grief. I also think that we should also learn that others may be hurting even if we can not see them and only have their words to go by in a blog, a comment in a group, and even in the chat room.
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by jean on -
Janet, I don't know what went on in chat but know this.. everyone is greiving at different levels here. I know I don't feel the same way I used to in the beginning and am sure next year I will feel differently again. So, I tend to take it all with a grain of salt.. I have learned that recently I am having trouble with people I 'percieve' as wallowing.. which isn't fair to them. So, I stay away... everyone goes through this at their own pace, it doesn't mean for an instant they wallow.. some would of said the same about me last year. For sure. I hope I didn't hurt anyone's feelings with this post, but I wanted to let you know, I hear you.. take it all with a grain of salt, walk away when it isn't your cup of tea. I personally feel the chat room is for all topics of converstaion because life is full of all sorts of topics.. if it's only about grief and doom and gloom, noone would ever heal.
Laugh.. life is short and laughing can heal as well as tears.. don't discount the tears, they heal. ((hugs)) Take care sweetie.. stay awhile.. take what you need from here and leave the rest, then come back and take some more. It works. It really works. If you read something you disagree with, just leave it alone.. then search for what you need. You will find it here. I did. You will too.
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Permalink Reply by janet on -
I understand Jean. I agree with the perception that some people do seem like they are wallowing and I am practicing the getting up and walking away routine.
I think everyone should have a right to express their opinions. I see alot that I do not agree with so I just don't say anything at all and I leave the site. One of the things I have learned from this site that I 'take away' is the old saying "That you can't please all the people all of the time and some of the people some of the time."
Yes Jean, I agree everyone grieves at their own pace and in their own time and way. Some days are harder than others. I think people sometimes say things without thinking but I am try very hard not to be one to critize someone because of what they said. I have done the same thing myself and have felt really bad after I said something without thinking. It is a part of human nature and who we are.
You have not hurt my feeling with what you said, Jean. It helps me to find who I am by listening and reading other peoples comments. A friend of mine commented on another site that "I believe most lessons are practiced rather than learned. I'm too "human" to perfect too many things so by the time I've figured out what to do, the 'to do' has changed. I guess this is one way I've come to terms with forgiving myself for the constant stumbling." It really hit home with me and has made me stop and really look at me from the inside and try to figure out who I am.
I am learning it is not about what we take away sometimes but it is about what we can give back to others. Yes, Jean, life is short and laughing can heal as well as the tears. Thank you, Jean, for your comment and I appreciate what you said.
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Permalink Reply by kimkirt (KK) on -
Jean, your reply was beautiful. Hugs Janet!
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Permalink Reply by Juliana on -
I find that sharing through the discussions suits me. First of all, I'm not fast enough to stay up with the chat. Secondly, I'm not a chatty person. I prefer writing words slowly so that I can think about what I'm saying. I reread what I have written and make numerous changes until my statement matches what I really believe and is coming from the deepest part of me. I now find that when I talk verbally to people, I pick my words much more carefully and listen to them to see if I really understand what they are saying to me. I was thinking (Yes, the brain is actually up and working again.) that one thing that I need to start doing is saying to people, "OK, this is what I think you said...is that right?" I know that my interpretations are so colored by emotions now.
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Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on -
That's what I love about Widville ... it's not just a chat room. Here you can chat, write a blog, have discussions on forum topics, or interact in groups with others you share experiences with. You can post photos, videos and songs to share with others. You can just read - or you can post. Something for everyone.
And, yes ... emotions, grief, kids, health, finances all can impact our daily conversations here, so compassion and understanding is so important. If the chat room discussion isn't your 'cup of tea', check out the other areas in WV and I'll bet you find what you need.
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Permalink Reply by Juliana on
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Thanks, I'll do that. I'm so new to this forum that I haven't explored that much. What I have experienced has been wonderful.
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Permalink Reply by janet on
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Juliana, this is a wonderful site. I do so enjoy coming here.
I am so sorry for your loss. We are all here to help and we do get it.
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Permalink Reply by janet on
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Thank you Diane,
I do leave chat at times or just do not enter the chat room when I feel the chat room is not for me. I am glad I found this site. I actually spend more time on it here than on any other site.
If I have something that I want to share but not here I go to another site that has also been a great comfort to me. I put my feeling there and it does help because the people there are also very caring and supportive and it is not just for widows/widowers but for anyone who has lost a loved one. Sometimes I share the same thing there and here.
This site has become a safe haven for me and has helped me during this time and continues to help. I am so thankful that I found this through a friend on FB.
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Permalink Reply by bad ass widow on -
Widowed Village is certainly a mixed bag of emotions and thats why I love it. I have learned so much from my experiences here and I wouldnt change a thing. Yes sometimes chat goes off on certain tangents and you can have 15 different conversations going on at once, but you can always PC someone if the conversation is not your cup of tea or you can ignore it or you can speak up and say you would like to change the subject, I have done all three. Yes maybe some people do wallow and thats ok. Maybe the only way they can express their feelings is thru chat. I personally have never felt judged here only hugged and understood whether I was being a "Debbie Downer" or when my other goofball side shows up. (((hugs)))
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Permalink Reply by janet on
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Amy, I always enjoy you in the chat room. You have a way of making me smile when I am feeling down. I hope you are going to Camp Widow West and I have a chance to meet you.
One of the things I have learned since my husband passed is that I do not handle people who do wallow. I find that I will get up and walk away from the conversation and return later or read a blog or forum that someone else has written.
This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
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