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Hi. Every one.

my sole mate of 44 years took his own life, leaving a note saying his disability was getting worse, and he did not want to be a burden.

No one saw this coming, it has left me even now after 3 years lost and traumatised.

i have been flying around trying to fill this huge empty black hole with anything I could, friends old and new, volunteer work.

care work.dancing.

but as I have read on the forum I too have days were I am so tired of the effort of carrying on, my energy level is 0, on these days I give up,

i shut the world out and walk from bed to sofa, drinking endless cups of tea in my dressing gown.

This is not the way it should be, and I hate it all.

but I carry on for my wonderful children and grandchildren.

I would like to say the pills and councilling helped, it didn’t, but it was some one to empty your inner thoughts, as the children are suffering too.

And 3 years on others think you should be over it !

my husband is pain free and at peace, I wish I was.

so what do we do, just push on and hope one day it will get better.

i wish us all peace of some kind in the new year.

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hugs to you Bibbys

Many thanks x

I'm so sorry for your loss. Dealing with a suicide is almost in a category of it's own, I can understand why you feel traumatized. Are there any support groups in your area for suicide survivors? There is no set time limit on grieving--it stays with us for as long as it does. We don't really "get over it" but we do, in time, learn to accept it and live with it. It becomes less painful and we can go about without having to think of it every second of the day.

You may be trying too hard to fill that huge empty black hole as you describe. It sounds like you are disappointed that these things failed to rid you of your grief. While interacting with others is a positive step ( and I do admire you for your efforts) you still aren't finished grieving yet. Wish I could tell when that will be, but you know, it is different for all of us. For me, I noticed a difference between years four and five. Try and be patient and maybe look for additional support. There may be a group here under GROUPS, have you checked? I hope the upcoming year is a better one for you, you certainly are deserving of some peace yourself. Happy New Year


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