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Coming here because I know you all will understand.

I decided to join AARP this morning (I'm 64) and it seemed like a good idea. I did it online because I am used to doing this. Signed up and paid by credit card.

Screen came back and said - Congratulations, Edward! Your membership card will come in the mail in a few weeks.

I could not frigging believe it. No where did I put his name.

I called AARP and basically told them off. Apparently "we" had joined in 2001 (Have NO memory of that) and his name was still listed. Because no one had told AARP that he was dead, the name remained.

I totally lost it. TOTALLY. Yesterday was my wedding anniversary and I had done so well - felt good.

Now I am crying so hard, I can't believe it.

Of course I canceled. And told the AARP rep that AARP should look into this. He had the nerve to say it happens all the time. Can you imagine?????

Thank you for listening. This is one place where I know I am understood.

Added note: he could not guarantee the card would not come without his name!!!

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It happens, Susan.  I'm sorry it hit you so hard.  Our AAA membership was in Ron's name and for several months after his death he was getting offers for guaranteed-issue life insurance ("you cannot be turned down!").  The catch:  if you died during the first 2 years they just refunded the premiums plus a little interest.  I just kept writing a note on the marketing material in angry red, stuffing it in the postage paid envelope and mailing it back to them.  Ron's name is on a few utility bills and it's too much trouble to change them.

In fairness to AARP, the only reliable way they could keep track of deaths of members would be to tap into the Social Security death database, which is wehere mortuaries are required to report deaths.  Banks do it but that's so they're aware of when account holders die.  Bank of America got in contact with me about Ron's checking account before I did anything.  The database is not easily accessible because there are scammers who  open credit in the names of deceased people and, naturally the SS database has their SS numbers.  I'm also guessing that tapping into it, even if you have legitimate reason, is expensive.  Ron was an AARP member and when I joined so I could sign up for their Medicare supplement I used a different e-mail address and didn't have the issue you did.

I hope you're feeling a little better.


Thank you, yes. It just caught me totally off guard to see his name on the virtual membership card! If they could have guaranteed the card would come with my name, I probably would have kept the membership but they couldn't so I did cancel. Next time I'll do it by phone or paper.

I think a lot of it was a release from the day before, our wedding anniversary, and that today is his birthday. It doesn't feel difficult this year but I guess I am feeling something!


Sorry- I just posted a dissertation relating to AAA and remembered your issue was with AARP so I deleted it.  Just barely into my morning coffee!

The issue might be the same as what I ran into with our home and auto insurance.  Even though I'd dealt with the agent, who had never met Ron, and the house was titled in a trust in my name only, after Ron died they actually had to delete all the logon information and I had to create a new one because apparently they store only one "primary" name and they used Ron's, which I found very annoying. What century are we in, anyway?  I should have realized that because e-mails sent to me about our policies would start with a greeting to Ron.  ("Hi, Ron. Please click here for important information...")


Sorry that happened to you. It took years until I got my husband’s name off of everything but had no problem with AARP.  I’m not sure I want to re-up my membership, all they want is donations. I read their publications but don’t get a whole lot of relevant information from them. What is weird though is why they would issue a card in your husband’s name when you applied for it? If it happens a lot then maybe they need to use another format because that one is not up to date!  I really don’t blame  you for getting annoyed with them and their attitude. I mean, we’re talking about an organization for seniors so stored info from 17 yrs ago may not be accurate!


AARP  is  not up to date.  Must  be  run by old  people  because  I get  renewal notices  frequently.  My  husband  does  too  though  he was not a member when he died...six years ago!  I toss the  stuff. 

  AAA  was super  efficient  about  changing  membership, adjusting  car  insurances  and pmt of life ins was almost  immediate. 

  Some  time after my husband died  some  woman called  to make  dental appointment for  him/checkup.  I boldly told her he was  dead  and  could not come in for a dental exam.   She  was speechless.  Lots  of stuff like that happens...I have  mellowed after   six years...but  in the beginning  I too was  offended.  Not  worth  the energy. 

People  are  not  very  aware but busy with  their  own agendas....worst  is gov't. issues.(veteran's)...nightmares  dealing  with just trying  to find someone  knowledgeable to help....never  want to go through  that again....aged  me years.   I call it the  human  condition- and realize I too  must have  offended  hurting  people  in my lifetime  as well.   Forgiveness  works if you can get to that......sorry Susan.  Not  a  fun experience for you.


((((Susan)))) I'm sorry.

Thank you. I am fine now - it just was the timing of it all.

That's the thing about grief, if what is felt deep down inside is not brought to the surface its triggered in other ways ...

The articles for the widowed in the AARP monthly bulletin helped in adjusting to my reality even though it sucked in the beginning from receiving their information at the age of 49- just after Bob's death ... 


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