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The movie "Bucket List" came out AFTER my LH died and it seemed weird to me, then, the idea of preparing a list of things to do before you die... and I am not really someone to pick up on this sort of trend.
It's been long enough now to not seem morbid to me (for example, I have a will and EOL plan, at last!), and the idea of the bucket list has proven pretty durable. I'm hoping to actually retire someday and be able to do things like travel, which just seemed unnecessary and impossible a few years ago... (Still seems hard to imagine where the money would come from though!)
Would love to hear your thoughts... and plans... whether they're pie-in-the-sky or whether you've already reached them!
When my husband, Mark, got sick he became obsessed with the idea of buying a Sprinter (a small RV) and traveling around the country "after he got well." He spent hours researching exactly which model we should buy and where we would go. I knew all his plans would probably be for nothing as he had an extremely rare form of cancer that is almost always terminal but I planned right along with him hoping I was wrong:(
He passed away on Christmas day and I have just started to formulate a plan to buy the Sprinter and do a one year tour of the country in memory of him. I want to go to all the places he wanted to go to. Every National Park, etc. It will be lonely and heartbreaking and a bit scary without him but I feel I need to force myself to get out of the house (to get out of bed!!) and do it. I KNOW he will be traveling with me.
You GO, Barb!! It will only be as lonely as you want it to be. Talk to strangers. Make new friends. Ask for directions. Ask for advice from other travellers about places to camp. Talk to your husband about what you have seen and where you have been. Cry when you feel like it. Give all the people you meet something to talk about. I applaud you.
Thank you Susan. Yes, I will talk to lots of strangers and make lots of friends. I'm very good at that as I have a real interest in other people and love to hear about their lives. I will look perfectly happy on the outside but inside I will be missing Mark every minute of the day. I know he will be there with me but I'm greedy, I want all of him:)
We were able to do one of the things on both our lists...swim with the dolphins! We went to Jamaica in October...and among some of the amazing things we did....we swam and interacted with dolphins....an experience that made him smile whenever we talked about it!!!
I want to get a motorhome and load up the dogs and go. I want to finish my memorial tattoos ...
Mostly, right now, I want to get through a day without crying....
We had put together a bucket list of places we wanted travel. I carried that yellow paper with me but about a month before he passed I threw it in the garbage becauser I knew we would never travel any more............together, or if we did we'd make a new list.
Here I am 43 days after his death and I am thinkinking of taking that Black Sea cruise we talked obout. Just need someone to share the cabin as other wise the cost is double. HAL Sept
I recently ran across a list of "things to do before I die" on my computer. It made me smile and cry. I was able to check off a couple of things that I wanted to do with my husband. "Take a trip to Alaska with Paul" was one of them. "Have a grandchild", was also on the list, this one made me happy and sad as my husband and we had scheduled a trip to Hawaii to meet my son's new grandbaby. She was born Feb. 18th, 5 days after he died. His funeral was the day of our scheduled flight. There were other things on the list that I do still look forward to doing, like "Trip to Smithsonian" - which has been on my personal list since before I met my husband. Some of the things I am working towards right now that have to do with career and financial. I think I will likely add things as time goes on, simply because now my perspective has changed of course, and I am in the midst of transforming. Who knows what the list will look like a year from now, or two. This experience has surely changed me.
I just finished reading this thread and want to say thank you to all because I so enjoyed your replies. I or we never made an actual "Bucket List" or at least called it that. However, there were things we wanted to do together. When Darryl died I had been retired for six years and Darryl for three. We'd been gradually increasing the number of small trips we did to go on canoe adventures and sometimes even getting larger home projects into specific planning stages, underway or finished. We figured we had lots of time for bigger trips, such as a trip to New Zealand with a stop in Palau where my husband was in the Peace Corp in the 70s, car trip to across Labrador and to Newfoundland, and back to Alaska and trips to western US. In our adjustment to retirement years, those 3 years of retirement he had and I was adjusting to both of us being retired, we did many smaller trips as we'd done when we took vacation from work.and small extended weekend goof-off trips (some during weekdays == since everyday is a weekend when you're retired as he would say). We often justified leaving home projects waiting in favor of these little adventures (sometimes his idea, sometimes mine), saying to each other, "Let's do it because you never know!" And that sure was true.
I haven't wanted to travel much in the 21 months he's been gone. I went on a couple of canoe/camping trips with friends last year and went to Sanibel Island with my sisters-in-law last spring. I took a natural dying class at a folk school a couple hours from here last fall too. I am planning a extended weekend camping/canoeing gathering with friends from out of the area for our anniversary weekend. I'm starting to feel like looking into doing some trips for winter and beyond, maybe with organized groujps or, if I can, with friends who share common interests.
I did a bucket list in April. (My husband died in January.) A lot of the things on it have to do with transitioning from being a caregiver/spouse to finding the new me. Funny thing, though, a month or so ago I was cleaning out our guest room and I found a paper I had written 20 some years ago titled, 100 Things I Want to do Before I Die. I had accomplished about half the things on that list and only one thing on the undone part appears on my new bucket list. I was much more adventurous when I was younger.
I had a lot of things on "my list" to do before hitting 30, and then before hitting 40...and I did them. By the time I was married, I felt ready to settle down and start a family with my husband (albeit late).
And this might be a little off topic, but when we were in the hospital being told that my husband's days were numbered, I remember one doctor pushing him to think about what he wanted to "do" with his last days, like perhaps go on a trip? It made me so mad that this doc was so callously talking about how my husband should spend his last days, even suggesting a trip. My husband was so sick and in pain, as if getting on a plane was even an option?!
But I'll never forget my husband's response. He said that both he and I worked hard, (he traveled a lot for work), and that his favorite thing to do was to spend time with me, and our dog, at home, and he didn't need a trip to enjoy what was most important to him. It meant the world to me that he said that. As for my future wishes, and "list"? I am at a complete loss. I did a lot of the "daring" things I wanted when I was younger, I really just wanted to enjoy being married and start a family, but I just lost my partner, the most important ingredient in this "plan".
I myself have two bucket lists one concerns myself and my future plans including my burial arrangements/at this time up in the air for my wishes.
The other bucket list is for things that my late mate and I discussed and never got to do. We planed to take the train to somewhere/he always flew. I just try and do things that we talked about only solo and make memories and toast him in his memory (sorry teary eyed still).. It seems to help me cope with my loss.