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From the day Mike was diagnosed, and still ongoing I've struggled with insomnia. I haven't slept a full night in months. Like tonight, I just can't shut my mind off. Last week it was tears, and lots of them. When I can get to sleep, I usually wake up a couple hours later. Sometimes it was from a dream, sometimes a panic attack, other times it was for no good reason at all. I have 3 young kids. This, along with a couple hours in the AM when they are all in school, is the only time I have alone. The only time I really have to work through my emotions, my grief. While I know this is important, the lack of sleep is really getting to me. I hope this works itself out in time.
Any other night owls out there with me?
i am not scared but i understand how you feel. i sleep on the couch now.
I know so many widows who are on sleeping medications, and they really scare me. I'm lucky -- I've always been a talented sleeper -- but after Gavin died I had a lot of trouble. I put this CD on my iPod (Plus 1/2 hour of relaxing music or someone reading poetry) and it worked GREAT. And no side effects!Belleruth Narparstek, Health Journeys: A Meditation to Help You with Healthful Sleep
I was a good sleeper until my husband became ill. That's when I started lying awake, listening to him, hoping I'd hear his ear-tearing, air-ripping snore because it would mean he was sleeping well and everything would be ok. Then, we found out he had cancer. I lay awake all that night with wave after wave of panic flooding through me, heart pounding, stomach churning, and that became a habit. I would worry - would he make it through the night? If he was in hospital and I was alone, strangely, I'd sleep very heavily - exhaustion, I think - but when he was home and I was the one on watch, then sleep was a strange and fitful thing.
Now that he's gone, I still don't sleep very well, but for different reasons. I find it hard to get tired in the evening. I wake too often, and every time I do, I'm hit with the 'he's gone - you're on your own' realisation. I wake too early and find myself too alert, already thinking about how I'm supposed to get through another day. I still worry that I didn't do enough to save him. My jaw, neck and head hurt because I'm grinding/gritting my teeth while I sleep - stress. I can only hope it will settle over time.
I decided right away that if I woke up in the night, I wouldn't stress about it. I just get out my Kindle and read for an hour or so. My kids are grown. Usually all I have to do most mornings is put the dogs out, so I know I can catch a nap later if I need to. It helps that I am on a couple of drugs for other reasons that make me sleep like a log most of the time.
Sometimes I sleep on Philip's side of the bed. It makes me feel better.
I'm sorry to see so many are struggling with sleep. While to a point I am used to being alone, I don't think you can totally get used to it. I can't use medications either. I've done some weird things on some sleeping pills. And I need to be able to get up if my kids need me and be able to wake up and be alert enough to get through the day! Thanks for the non med suggestions everyone. Hoping everyone can start sleeping sound and well through the night sometime again, soon.
Sleep - I am an 8 hour girl - Donald Trump I'm not (apparently he only sleeps 4 hours). I haven't had a solid nights sleep since Michael died in May 10. I use Zopiclone when I need to sleep (a full pill gives me 4 hours, a 1/2 - 2 hours - with no drug hangover. I take them sparingly - definitely Sun Night, so I can start the work week with a little energy... I'm waiting for the day when I wake up refreshed... Grief is simply exhausting.