Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

My husband loved to eat and cook. I just like to eat. I am not much of a cook. He also liked Cuban food/snacks. I am not so much a fan. Tomorrow will be 9 weeks since he passed. It also happens to be the day of my baby shower (trying to be brave). An old friend from high school is driving down to stay with me and attend my shower. Because our pantry is stuffed with Jorge's food I have been letting everything pile up on my counter tops. It is not pretty, so today I decided I needed to clean out the pantry. I was not prepared for how much pain it would cause. It is just food...but it is HIS food! Now most of it is gone. Perhaps I wasn't ready to part with it? Did I force myself too soon? I will never know but I am just saying...it hurts!

How did you respond to cleaning out the pantry?

Views: 339

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Crystal, its OK if you weren't ready to do it.  You know, I still have Barry's Lipton instant ice tea mix in our pantry, and I've moved houses...i took it with me and couldn't bare to throw it away either.  Barry's stuff was all in his truck, so that was more of an issue for me than the pantry, but I had to clean it out because it had to go back to the company.  it was so hard, so so so so SO hard, but I got through it.  Can you recover any of the food, or is it long gone?

Thanks Joanna. I did save the chocolate bar he uses to make hot chocolate and the coco. I just couldn't toss it even though I don't know how he makes it. It takes up little space and will be my reminder of him when I look in the pantry. 

 

I know we have talked about our in-laws before and their take on grief. This is the stuff that they DON'T have to deal with. So many little reminders...always on our mind...our life forever changed. I know they suffered a great loss too. I will never discredit that. But, they still have their life partners. Cleaning out the pantry is NO BIG DEAL! Today is not a good day. I am in a mood! Thank goodness for WV!!! 

I'm sorry Crystal.  It is so hard.  I  threw away a jar of Russ's 'unsalted' peanut butter last night.  It made me cry too. 

I hope you recover for your baby showere tomorrow.   God Bless.

Bless you Joanna.  Triggers are so painful.  Early on I saw them everywhere.  So many things remind us of our spouses and early on that just brought the waves of grief over me like a flood. Its hard that sometimes we have to do things potentially sooner than we might have liked. 

 

I'm glad there were a few things you felt like you could save.  ((HUGS)) to you today.  So sorry this was hard.

Pat-NMWidower

 

Hi Crystal,

Forcing ourselves to do anything in life is usally a pain, so I try not to "force" myself with much. I certainly don't need the added pressure- I have the weight of the world on my shoulders as it is. I've saved some of Andy's favorite snacks..microwave popcorn, bbq sauce, beer, etc. The most significant food item I've saved is our leftover Blizzards from DQ- we went there hours before his death and it was his "last meal." I know widows/widowers do some weird things, and this is definitely one of mine. I'm sure I'll throw it away some day and I've thought about it, but that day just hasn't come yet..even after 21 months. Please try to take your time with certain things that don't need immediate attention. We deserve a little break! :-)

 

 

Was it too soon?  Probably not, Crystal. You did what you needed to do today for your growing family. Holding onto the chocolate bar will be your loving reminder in the pantry. Isabella and Jorge Matthew Jr. will be your lasting reminders of the love you and Jorge shared.

That said ... it's OK to hurt about this. These changes, these little steps we take that feel like we're removing our loved ones from our life are very hard. Take your time. When you feel the urge to take a step, take it if it feels like the right thing for you to do. And if it hurts afterward, come here so we can wrap our arms around you ♥

It took me two months to look in the freezer. My husband did all the cooking and I couldn't bare to look and see what was in there. I did find some chicken soup and it was comforting to eat it knowing my husband cooked it. It's been three months. I only cooked 1 chicken breast, 1 pork chop and spagetti squash twice. Today I actually cooked eggs and sausage for breakfast and oh yeah the children ( grown adults assigned me to make lasagna for Easter ) the food was good but the holiday was a flop without Lou. Tonight I pulled the canned goods out of the pantry and got them ready for the food drive tomorrow that the post office is doing. I gained 30 lbs after I married my husband and have already lost twenty. He was italiam and loved to cook.

Crystal, 

It is a difficult task and I'm sorry you are hurting.

I've been holding onto a case of Kuerig Coffee K cups (Green Mountain  Dark Magic Decaf). I ordered a case for my husband every month & this case arrived 2 days before his diagnosis in November and they were never opened.  I know if I brought them into work they would be used up in 2 days....but they were bought for Danny so I cannot part with them.

I wish you the best tomorrow at your baby shower. If you are feeling overwhelmed just speak up, the guests will understand. You have to take this period in life one step at a time at your own pace.

Blessings & hugs to you.

 

 

There's just so much sentiment connected with the belongings of our lost loved ones.  I just agonize over what to keep, give away and throw away.   Anything I've throw away I've had second thoughts about.  

 

Good luck, Crystal.  I'm glad you have an old friend coming to stay with you.  Hopefully, you will feel sustained by the love of family and friends gathered for your shower.

Ann

Crystal,

 

Hang in there. I think we all here can relate to what you are going through. So hard to let go of those things that are loved ones liked or held dear. It is a part of the letting go. I still find things that trigger those moments. One of my biggest breakdowns was eating a frozen pizza with my boys. Don loved pizza. Always ok with just throwing one in the oven for dinner. I think it's important to hold on to those things that bring comfort and good memories. Blessings to you as your friends and family come together for your baby shower tomorrow. Let them give to you and if you break down it's ok. No one expects you to hold it together. This is hard and you are allowed to grieve. Just try to find some happiness knowing that you will hold a new life soon in your arms.

With hugs and love,

Lisa

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughts and encouragement. I am glad the pantry has been cleaned out. It looks so much nicer. My house is clean! I will be able to enjoy my company without worrying about my house! I was sad though when my mom came home. She didn't comment on how nice the house looked. Jorge always mentioned how great the house looked after I cleaned. Even with the help of my dear friend, cleaning to the extent we did, 34 weeks pregnant was not easy for me. Instead, my mom wanted to know what happened to the Easter candy!!! I was so freaking hurt. She could stand to drop several pounds. I think she thought I threw it away...I should have! 

 

It just hit me pretty hard that THIS is my life now. THIS life sucks! THIS life is one I don't want. I just want my husband back. Is that too much to ask for??? 

Well, Crystal - I need to thank you. Your post made me realize it's been a long while since I cleaned out my pantry so I headed there this morning. 90% of the stuff in there had expired. There were a few memories along the way; things I had purchased to try to get Vern to eat (we had some very tough battles with his eating during chemo), but overall it was a good thing to get done. I still have the closet and the garage to deal with; those will be harder and will come another day.

RSS

© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service