Members

This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Does anyone get tired of hearing the I am so sorry's? I remember thinking the first time people knew I was a widow and if they DIDNT say sorry for your loss I got upset and judgy. Now I am so tired of hearing it. So on here, if you see this and decide to respond to me don't bother with the sorrys. I KNOW how sorry you are and I don't want you to waste your precious energy on saying it to me ever. 

Please don't judge me if I skip the I am sorrys as well. My heart is in it but my words are hard to convey. 

Views: 85

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

I am over 7 yr out and I never get  tired of hearing  people  say  they  are  sorry  because  I  believe for  them  it is  a way to  tell me  what their heart feels but words cannot express.  I  welcome it and any  comforting  words  I  hear  that  remind me others do  care. It is important  to  have a human connection  to the living  to cushion  this pain  that never  ends.   Likewise  when  people ask me how I am  doing....I  know they  care...so  I  answer  with  the  reminder....well, I am still a widow.    We  are  imperfect...each of us...I  try to remember  everyone  has different  qualities  and if others  bumble  and  are  not  saying or doing as I would  like them to do...it's  up to me to  cut them some slack  and to be kind.  What goes  around  comes around sooner or later.  They do not know and they  do not understand  nor are  they  gracious  and knowing  in what  they  ask or say....my being  irritated  with them  or  upset  by their words  does nothing  to  heal  the  pain.  Ah,  but kindness  and acceptance  heals  so  I  thank  them,  each one  for  whatever  they  offer.  Even  the  ones  who  tell  me what  I should be doing  now...I  used  to  argue  and get  upset  and angry...now  I listen  and  just  tell them  I may  consider  what  they've  said....brings peace.   Deep abiding love for my husband is not  altered  by  others  or their  words or lack of words.   It is  in another  dimension  far  apart  from  worldly  error and  judgement...and so my soul  says   All  is well.

Wow. This is beautifully, honestly, and kindly written. I'm only 6 months out, I have major meltdowns and lapses in judgement and horrible moments and deep depression and irrational thoughts and fatigue and forgetfulness and on and on and on, so I don't always respond graciously, but I do try. In my heart I know that you are right and this is the best way. Thank you for this 

MrsHill2015    You are  welcome.   Your  grief  is very  fresh  and  piercing  and  painful and  you  have  every  right  to  your  feelings,  takes a lot of time to realize  being  angry  with  others  because  of what  they  say  or  do  only  makes  you  exhausted  and  more  annoyed. The  amount of time needed  varies  but  eventually  though  the  pain  never  leaves  you  begin  to  find  your emotions  expressed can  really  leave  you  frantic   and exhausted...and nothing  you  can do or say  can  change  the  truth. We  will  all  die.  Some sooner.  Some  later.  And  life  is  NOT  fair  and  yes it does  seem the  good die  young  and  the  evil , nasty , hateful  seem  to  be  here  a long  time.  Even  our own mortality  becomes  an  issue as we age.  There  are  no  definitive answers  and no  quick  fixes. One step  at a time  one day  at a  time  and  the very steps  we take  forge  to  make  our  journey's  pathway.    Listen  to the love  in  your  heart  based  on sweet  memories and even  in your  widowhood  remind yourself love is always the answer.  If  you  are  not  ready to  accept  that  fact it's  OK.  Pain rules  right  now  but  it won't forever...

Love IS always the answer! 

Your words are so true. I constantly ask why him, the best father and husband, just trying to do whats right. And there are seemingly hateful, evil people out here living until they are 100. I don't get it. 

Much love....

I was tired of it less than 24 hours in. What the heck am I supposed to say back? "Um, me too?" "Thank you?" It's sort of a weird thing to say, when you think about it. I most appreciated my sister-in-law, also a widow, saying "This sucks. And it's going to keep sucking for awhile." That's what I really remember from that first evening/night.

Yes, Queen beez, I am sick of hearing the typical - I'm sorry - He's in a better place - God needed him more - It'll take time - He would want you to be happy - Be strong. Strong? Really? I think people want to say the right things but their words, though well-meant, are more "expected" social reactions to offer to the person grieving.

One thing that has got to me, this grieving has taught me to be more mindful of what I say to others when they experience stress.

My mother-in-law is really grieving. The other day, she ended a phone call abruptly when a relative told her the same old bullshit. The old lady had enough. 

I lost hubby on Dec 12 and the grief is still raw and suddenly overwhelming. I know the commonsense of life continuing but nothing anyone says actually eases the pain. However, the interaction of like-minded people (like everyone on WV) does offer me an underlying sense of inclusion and warmth. Like responding here, it helps.

RSS

© 2020   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service