Crying here crying there crying everywhere. This has been heart crushing smashed it all up in crumbling pieces. I dont want to do this. Nobody wants this . Does it just get worse each day?? I try to be strong then the next 5 minutes Im sobbing on the floor. Im sick of all the questions and paperwork and things that need to done. I need to connect with someone else who is young has kids and completely heart broken and mad. What am I supposed to do right now. This is horrible horrible. I just want to punch the next person that says “Im sorry for your loss call me if there’s anything I can do”. Aaaaaaahhhhhh
I most likely older than you but I do understand. I put together the funeral along with my adult kids for my wife of 30 years. Had to make discussions that I did not if I had the strength to do so. Now I keep getting bills from the doctors, hospital, labs, and other specialists. I had to get the mortgage, credit cards, bank accounts all in my name. I had to drop the health insurance on her, get ahold of our HR. Plus more. It is all overwhelming. I am back to work ant that helps.
Not has only been six weeks now
Allen- That stuff is the most hellish exhausting part of it all. Our daughter has a law degree and we were not people of wealth but it still took 18mo just to deal with the legal matters, business matters and veteran matters- even with her help. As for bills...after awhile I had extra copies of his death certificate and sent one to every inquiry/ bill I received -. Was a nightmare. Just do one thing at a time...don't get anymore exhausted than absolutely necessary. I tried to get it all done efficiently and it did not work that way.
It does get to be overwhelming. I lost the love of my life (47 years married, 50 years together) on April 29th....that's less than two months.....I know I was just in remote control the first two weeks....luckily I had my two adult children with me to help with the arrangements and to run interference for me....at times I just retreated to my room and cut off my phone. It was just too painful....I appreciated all the sentiments of others but it was like putting salt on a wound. I have had meltdown after meltdown....one thing that did help....before my husband passed away I had made arrangements to attend a church "revivial" with a dear friend of mine from the same church. Two weeks after laying him to rest I decided to keep my original plans. My children encouraged me to go. There was so much to be done.....insurance, mortgage, creditors,etc, etc.....I made a list and prioritized what had to be dine immediately. Then I left. Thank goodness my friends knew when I needed space and when just a pat on the shoulder was enough. It did help and gave me some relief for a moment. I really don't know how long I will be on this roller coaster.....last week I was in Wal=mart and the tears just wouldn't stop.....today I was able to smile a little...I just take it one day at a time....I think its something we are just going to have to work through,,,,my soulmate is gone....my joy is gone,,,but I am going to keep fighting hoping that one day the pain I am feeling down will subside....my daughter hasn't said it but I know shes having a rough time...she was daddy's girl....I told her to see a therapist if she needs to do so. My sons are back at work and they tell me theyre doing ok but I gave them the same advice. This is so hard but I believe we must have hope.
Oh Luv4Z, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you lost your love very recently. I'm young at heart with grown kids and a broken heart. The mad part has lessened in the almost two years since my sweetie of 33 years died. Yes, there will be days when it feels like things are getting worse instead of better with passing time. Then one day you'll realize that you just did something that you didn't know you could do, or didn't know you had the strength to accomplish. And you will find yourself taking pleasure in a simple moment. It will get easier with time. I promise. But with lots of ups and downs along the way. I read somewhere that grief never ends. We just learn to navigate around the hole it caused without falling in all the time.
When someone says words like these that sound trite and impersonal, it's because they are. No one knows what to say and while some people seem to be either cruel or utterly clueless by what they say, most people want to make a connection and be of help. The next time something pops up that you don't know how you are going to get done (like getting kids to practice, etc.), write it down. Then when someone asks what they can do, you can pull out your list and see which they'd like to take care of.
I feel that there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Whatever you are feeling is 'normal'. But I have learned that feeling those emotions and honoring them at the time will lead to much healing. This is the hardest thing I've ever done. Be kind to yourself.
(((HUGS))) for you Luv4Z. I'm 32. I've got 2 girls ages 9 and 5. Please feel free to friend and/or message me. My Marcus died in January of this year, so my wounds are still fresh, my heart is still broken in a thousand pieces. I can't tell you when it gets better... because it's still bad for me. But I want to do what I can to be here for you in a way that no one who isn't a widow can be right now.
I hope everything is going okay now. I know it is tough my kids are a lot older. My daughter is 29 and my son is 26. My son still lives at home, thank God. I also have my daughter best friend from 1st grade living with us with her 9 year old daughter. I paid you her to go to church camp next week. Her mom is going to school for the next year. My wife I told her she could stay here for the next two years rent free, including food and anything they need. Just wanted to give them an opportunity to get ahead.
if you need to talk just message me.
I am a lot older than you but feel the same pain.
i just turned 62 in March
well i have a feeling never better but im not crying out in lawn for now. Crying through all the dumb paperwork though. I can only get through a little bit at a timeOne moment at a time. Its good that you have people in house. All the kids voices and hub bubb and hugs help at my house.
Yes, the paperwork part sucks a lot. Do you have a friend or family member who can help you? I was not smart enough to have someone else do Marcus's life insurance claim. It forced me to look at the death certification LOOOOONG before I was ready. I'm glad you have the kids, hubbub, and hugs to help you.
Trying to keep it together at my eldest sons baseball game. Im not crying but feel like it. Too many other peoples dads here. Hard to see other families.
It is ok, it just takes time with God's help, at least you were there:)
Try making a list of what must be done, then prioritize. Attempt to resolve one each day and keep notes—things like time and date and who you spoke with. Also, what they tell you to do. Concentrate on taking care of yourself and your children. If you are not in the mood to talk to anyone, don’t answer the phone. I know it is all very overwhelming, I only hope you can get some counseling and maybe some help and support from family. Sending hugs to you and the children.
I never thought I could cry so many tears as I have. I have a few of our kids here and they have helped me with so much of the decision making that had to be done. Even though they were grieving as much as I, they have been a huge help to me. I have Bipolar disorder so I've had 5 or 6 meltdowns since Mike passed. The police have been here a few times, I've said mean vile things to the kids, but they have not told me to f*ck off and die. Over the past couple months things have settled down within myself. I've done a ton of praying and it seems to have been answered, I have no other explanation for the calmness and serenity I'm now feeling. God bless my kids for not giving up on me. Yes, I'm still shattered and heartbroken but doing better. Be good to yourself, at some time you may find someone to just unload all of your thoughts on and it will help you to feel a little better.I thought I had made no progress until Mikes brother passed away unexpectedly and I reached out to his wife.I then realized that I had made progress and that I could be here for her because my pain is also still raw. That has helped me immensely.Just hang on sweetie, you'll get to a comfortable place in time.Hugs and love to you.