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Crying here crying there crying everywhere. This has been heart crushing smashed it all up in crumbling pieces. I dont want to do this. Nobody wants this . Does it just get worse each day?? I try to be strong then the next 5 minutes Im sobbing on the floor. Im sick of all the questions and paperwork and things that need to done. I need to connect with someone else who is young has kids and completely heart broken and mad. What am I supposed to do right now. This is horrible horrible. I just want to punch the next person that says “Im sorry for your loss call me if there’s anything I can do”. Aaaaaaahhhhhh

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My brother-in-law plays in a band here in town (as a hobby, the fellas are professionals in town but hippies 4life). They broke into Rod Stewart's "Have I told you lately that I love you" and I lost it, realizing I don't ever get to tell SJ that again. I never really liked that song, but being with Jeff (in the band) and SJ"s sister made it hit home.  Also had a full on panic attack while touring the Key West city graveyard. Bummer!!!!

It's been a lot better since, but there are still times when it is hard to hold it together.


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