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We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

We can all understand the heartbreak others feel on losing their spouse, regardless of their age.  We know that the youngest, still overcome by the overwhelming rush of new love, feel keenly cheated of all the years they might have had, and the oldest feel as every year was a journey which brought them even closer together, they feel as if they had become a single soul.  Those of us widowed in mid-life can find ourselves awkwardly in between, uncertain where to turn, uncertain of how to go on.  The choice to look for a new love can be especially traumatic in mid-life because we spent so many years in the worlds we created with our partners, and yet there are so many years left ahead.  Some of us have still got it going on, and some of us may have gotten so “comfortable” in our marriages that we find ourselves unwilling to face the rejection we suspect we might find out in the dating world.  Whatever your story is, and whatever your choice is, you can help others by sharing it here.

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What a valuable post.  I think all of these things are key, the letting go of what other people think, the not making comparisons, the realization that life can never be the same, and then finally coming to realize that it can still be worthwhile to find someone to be there for us as the people we have and will become.  Thank you so much for weighing in.

Yes I agree, it seems harder for us ladies.  I too worry that about getting older and older.  On the other hand I think I'm fine with being single because I had such an amazing marriage for 39 years.  I think maybe it could last me for the rest of my life.  Although , its pretty lonely around here when the grand kids go home and all your friends are busy with their spouses, and I start feeling sorry for myself.  So I'm taking a big step to try to find out what I want to do with my life.  I'm going out on a date tomorrow evening with someone I met on match.com.  I'm already feeling nauseated .  

I know that nauseated feeling. Don't worry about it though. I went on a date from Match.com and really felt awful in the days leading up to the date. Although I ultimately wasn't interested in the man that I met, we had a perfectly nice conversation and it was fine. Just be your confident self; you have a lot to offer, not the least of which is that you made a relationship work for 39 years.

Erica, Thanks for that!  You're right its just going to be a conversation and food.  I can do this. I think the experience will tell me a lot about if I'm ready or if I need more time to heal.  

And you are right about that. I definitely learned at that time that I needed more time to heal. No matter what you learn, I hope you have some fun! 

However which way it goes Riley, you will be helping others who are hanging on the fence by sharing your story.  Good luck tonight.

Hi all,I"m home early because my first date since my husband died stood me up.  I waited at the restaurant for 50 minutes , ordered wine and then got dinner to go.  I'm not so much pissed at the fact this guy didn't show up , but what I am mad about is all the stress I caused myself yesterday and all day today .  Not worth it.  I'm home now with my beautiful horses and property, eating a good Italian meal LOL 

I am sorry that it went down that way for you.  I have a fondness for the stand-up story because back in the day a lackluster guy I thought I should give a chance to stood me up, and my very next date was with the man I'd marry.  So it means nothing, of course, and I'm sure you know that.  If only we all had a worth-it not-worth-it crystal ball, dating wouldn't be so bad, we could just have fun dates with nice people.  I have the feeling that you'll have somebody some day, I even think that I will, even though I am really enjoying the pressure free life of not feeling like I have to look right now.

I love your LOL!  (And, the Italian meal). I think sometimes the best thing is to laugh at the ridiculous situations we find ourselves in. There is this man that I think is absolutely gorgeous, kind and just an overall great person. He very clearly sees me as just a friend. So, when my mind starts to wander into "what-ifs" I often find myself laughing and telling myself to get a grip.

Looks like this thread is dead.   I haven't been on the website for six weeks.   Not much has changed.    I'm not dating, don't really miss it.     I've taken on some new responsibilities in the past year and am focusing on that.     Hope everyone has a happy Thanksgiving.   I'd love to hear if any one here has anything new in this area.

Hi Lupe's husband, I gave it a 3 month try.  Joined Match.  HEre's what I found, men my age, ( I'm 59) seem to want women in their 40's. I got a lot of men in their 70's messaging me.  No way!  LOL my dad is 78!  I got stood up twice by two different guys.  I guess I"m done with that.  

Ha!   It's a little different for men in this area.   I gotta be careful how I word this, because it could sound flippant or demeaning, but dating women not that much younger than yourself can have unintended consequences.    Last year I had lunch with a woman who was 46 who had an 8 year old.   There are other women in their 40's who have focused on work and career and want to settle down and have kids before their biological clock strikes midnight.     Past experience tells me that when you date a woman who is older than say 35, you are also dating their family.    Second, I'm 57.   Do I really want to be 70 with a 13 year old?    Under the right circumstances, yes.   After the issue has been talked about and we are both on the same page.     People tend to like babies, but teenagers, not so much.    I've been out with women younger than me, but I also try to remember the long term consequences of such a relationship.      Really I think I would prefer someone around my age who wanted to volunteer and travel.   

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