Dating and feeling scared

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by janet on June 21, 2012 at 3:27pm

Hi nature girl,  I really can't offer any advice 7 months and 20 days out.  I would suggest to just enjoy the relationship for what it is.  If it is meant to be it will be otherwise continue to live and experience life to the fullest.

Hugs and wishing you the best.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by nature girl on June 22, 2012 at 9:38pm

Thanks Janet. I agree at 7 months you are coming out of the fog. Please take your time and take care of your own needs. It is a long journey but there is a light at the end of the tunnel and healing is possible. 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by alliot123(Susan) on June 22, 2012 at 10:38am

I feel the same way. I have been dating someone for 6 months and am terrified of being dumped. It's almost not worth it

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by LOTTIECJ on June 22, 2012 at 11:28am

I have been widowed 8 years and would like to at least have an occasional dinner companion but I have such trust issues because the nature of my marriage that I probably cheat myself out of a good man ...

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by jean on June 22, 2012 at 11:40am

oh Honey... I think this is normal. Try to remember that you were OK before you met him... try to remind yourself you will be OK if you ever break up. And try to remind yourself if it does happen? It will NEVER be as bad as loosing him to death. Then breathe...just breathe... calm yourself and enjoy the courtship. Enjoy Him. You are beautiful with or without him and you deserve to love yourself first... stand up.. smile... baby steps through this too. OK... sounds good, doesn't it? You are blessed.. love this time with him, enjoy it. ((hugs))  Good luck and have a great weekend. Have FUN... it's what we're here for.  :)

The security of knowing he'll never leave you is priceless... but the courtship can be exciting. Have fun.. don't worry about the future, we may not get that far. have fun today. Don't worry about tomorrow.

 

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by nature girl on June 22, 2012 at 9:21pm

Dear Jean.

Thankyou for your wonderful reply. I spent the two and a half years after Mark's death doing everything possible to recover. Counseling, volunteer work, the gym, cooking, hiking, support groups. I cried. I rested. I cried some more. I journaled. I've read every book out there. I lived death for a long time. I did the work necessary to love me and and love life.

 When I finally decided it was time to step out of my grief comfort zone and push myself into the uncomfortable single world of dating I found it paralyzing. Thank god this wonderful man walked into my life without even looking for him.

I worked myself into a frenzy of what if's yesterday and felt like I had taken ten steps backwards. So off to yoga and 9 miles on the stationary cycle and I got my mojo back.

I am a new better person since my husband died. Grief does that to you. I get life now. I look to the future as an opportunity to grow and be a better person. You are so right when you mention having gone through the worst. Nothing will ever be as devastating as losing my Mark. His death was in an accident without any preparation so my grief was somewhat complicated. Suicide seemed my best option if it were not for my kids. I have come such a very long way.

Long story short my sweet new man sent me a lovely text wishing he could spend time with me soon. I am going to breathe slow. I will take your advice and enjoy the romance. Enjoy the holding and touching and loving that slows the anxiety and soothes the loneliness.

 

thankyou so much for bringing me back to reality. I can do this!

    

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by lovie on June 22, 2012 at 10:31pm

He is probably just as scared as you are...maybe not about being dumped, but perhaps not meeting up to your dearly beloved husband's qualities and character.  I would suggest that you just relax, take your time getting to know each other, enjoy your time in the new world of dating, and let "nature" take its course.  Best wishes for a happy and loving future with someone who loves you to the moon and back.

• ▶ Reply

Permalink Reply by nature girl on June 28, 2012 at 5:03pm

You know I think you're right! He asked me if I would have ever seen my marraige ending if he were still alive? I told him no we were very in love! I'm sure that is hard for him to hear since his wife left him.

He does seem to be very confident and self assured. I don't compare him to my husband and find them both very different. I like how diiferent they are in fact.

I am greatful that I am past the point of actively grieving. My grief now is occasional and more controlled. I'm not in the sunami stage anymore and therefore maintaining a relationship is refreshing and helps soothe the emptiness.

• ▶ Reply