A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Dating question! Feedback, please!
Okay, for those of you who have "been there, done that" Please help me out here! I started dating soon after Jimmy died. I was crazy nuts at home alone, got on POF etc. Okay. That was at the end of 2009. I "met" Gary on POF. We emailed off and on while I was having dates with other possibles. Finally, in June 2010 we started proper dating - weekly. Gary is a mama's boy, 59, never been married, sweet man, loving, kind, etc. BUT he is very reclusive and refuses to meet my family or my friends. I go to HIS house on weekends, have met his mother and his sister, was even with him at the hospital when his dad died in November, the day after MY birthday! I love this man, but I cannot live a life like this!! I want to do things with him and MY family and friends too. I'm tired of sitting home and watching movies. I'm tired of having to plead with him and wait eons for him to make a decision on whether or not we attend a sporting event. So, this morning I called him and told him I want a month-long break - that we both need to think about this relationship and where is it going or not going. I just cannot continue to do all the giving - I hate it. BUT, if I end it with him, I'll be back to being alone again. That was not a fun time - it was lonely after Jimmy died. I sincerely would like several responses - please give me some feedback. What would YOU do in my situation? Thanks.
Tags: dating, dating a widow
Views: 1281
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Patience (Diane) on -
I just have to chime in here, Run, Marly, Run!
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Permalink Reply by Runnergirl on -
When I get lonely, and lately it's fairly often, I remember the sign I saw in a bar, "Lonely is better than miserable." The loneliness does pass, specially after I get busy and plan an outing with friends or go to a movie, watch a movie at home, any activity that gets me "out of my head." The longer you stay in that relationship the worst it will get. It's fairly obvious he's not willing to change. I know you'll be lonely without him and it will be painful for awhile, but you deserve better and you don't have a chance of getting into a better relationship as long as you stay in the present one. Take care.
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Permalink Reply by Marly on
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Hey, Runnergirl! It's been a while. I haven't been on WV much - shame on me. I work at night now, so can't be "playing" too much. You know, it amazes me to read my original post - my head was such a mess back then! It just proves that it takes time after a loss to grow into a "singleness." Back then I was so desperate with skin hunger, affection, etc. Now? A relationship would be good, but it is not necessary. I get lonely and V. Day sucked! But for the most part, life is okay. I got a dog last summer and that warm body and those wet kisses every time I come home from being out are helpful. Shadow loves me even when I don't shave my legs. Can't beat it with a stick!
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LOL That has been quite a while back. I'm VERY single right now and will never settle for less than the best. I'm busy working and marketing my new book. No time for men right now. Life is good.
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Permalink Reply by Nancyfc on -
While this is a VERY LATE response, I would dump this guy. I am sure you already have.
My second husband was the love of my life and my soulmate. We met when I was 38 and we were both divorced.We were just friends. I had been in two relationships before we married and while it was nice to have a "Mr. Right Now", I hope I will never go through the stuff I went through just to be with someone.
I'm sure you've ended this and have moved far beyond Gary.
God Bless,
Nancy
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Nancy, we could be twins! My second husband was the love of my life. I still can't believe we didn't get more time. Of course, no marriage is perfect - but I would take imperfection with him again in a heartbeat! I don't think we can self promote on here, but I have a website if you'd like to see a bit of my "story." I wrote a book last year. If Gary wasn't still alive, I'd write a book about that whole experience. OMG - what an idiot I was! Just to have a "Mr. Right Now" as you stated. We do the dumbest things when our emotional self is leading us around by the nose. I'm so thankful and grateful to God that I didn't do something really stupid like moving in with Gary or heaven forbid, marrying him. THAT would have been awful! To this day, he doesn't "get it." I'm still friends with his sister and she has finally realized there will never be another chance - took her a while to give up hope. After over 3-1/2 years, I can truly say I'm okay alone. I would LOVE to have the last love of my life appear, but just don't have the time to pursue it right now. If it is going to happen for me, it will be in God's timing this time. Not mine.
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