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My husband Dennis died very suddenly on July 7th.  I came home from work and found him.  We were married 30 years.  The process has been a long one that just ended this week.  We have two celebrations of his life, one here in Tampa then four weeks later we had one in NY.  Monday we finally interred his ashes at the National Cemetery in St. Petersburg.  So now all the formalities are over with.  I was in a fog for a while and now I find I don't know who I am.  We relocated to Tampa 3 years ago.  It was new to both of us so everything we did we did together.  We would go out every weekend and explore, discover and have new adventures together.  Now I find that anything I do, reminds me of him.  There is nothing here that is me, it is all us.  I'm not sure who I am alone, I don't know if I will ever be able to define me without him.  

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Soulmate that is so true, the definition changes with each day.  One day I feel like a warrior the next I feel as if you cannot change the toilet paper without instructions and I yell at him for leaving me alone.  The one thing I hold onto is that he was the greatest human being I ever met, and he was my husband.  How lucky was I?  I have not met one person who had anything bad to say about him.  The night I found him the Sherriff's kept me in the living room while the one Deputy went out and basically interviewed all our neighbors.   I understood he had to investigate what happened but it felt so strange to be "watched" like that.  The Deputy finally came back after about 2 hours and he said "I learned something about your husband"  I looked at him and said "What's that?"  He said "I wish he was my neighbor".  The other day I had to go to Lowe's and just walking through the door and smelling that "Home Improvement" smell made my breath catch.  I was not sure my legs would work it was so overwhelming, it was so Dennis. Then you have today.  Here in Tampa we are preparing for Hurricane Irma.  I had everyone helping me move furniture inside and put up those darn hurricane shutters.  Lord he would really be proud of me!

Just to let you know, a soul mate connection is a cathexis ...

It's a unique spiritual & emoltional bond unlike any other - far different from a relationship w/our children, parents, siblings or best friend ...

Some people lose the connection over the course of their marriage, some never truly had it deeply instilled, and for others, it goes on beyond death/grief in more of a subtle quiet manner - a content fondness, joy & happiness  ...

I feel the same way. I don't know who I am without my husband. 

Good evening,

my husband passed on July 8th. It will be one year this year. I don’t know how to feel about it. However, I will just take it one min at a time.

Oh, only about 6 weeks ago to lose your dear spouse!  It is such a RAW time. Crying when something unexpected triggers it.  Yes, like getting punched in the gut sometimes.  There is a lot to do and take care of in those first months. I would be on the phone working out one of the investments or Dan's insurance and just start crying.  That sort of thing does ease with time pretty much. It won't be so frequent but it is like this pain in your heart that lives there.  Two became one and now part of that one is gone.  For me, it is 21 months. The aloneness is the hardest thing for me even now. My companion is gone and no one takes his place.  You will come to better define yourself but as a widow; the violet of widows.  I now know what some of my Aunts went through; I wish I could have had more empathy for them in their hard time. One cousin started a widows group when her husband died 15 years ago and it is still going.  I have a fair amount of female acquaintances but my best girlfriends do not live nearby.  It is very good to have those especially if they are single.  May God bless you and ease your aching heart.


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