Does anyone have dysthymia-chronic low grade depression that has worsened since the death of your spouse and after a 2 or more year period of grieving?
My husband has been gone 26 months. I have taken medication for dysthymia for over 20 years and have continually had to work at staying positive and happy. After my husband died I did lots of grief work and was doing not bad. But since his 2 year angelverrsary in April I've been feeling so very sad, unmotivated, no interest in anything, and tired of trying so hard all the time to feel better. I'm done. I just want to go and be with my husband.
How are others in similar situations managing?
I am sorry you are experiencing this-
I too suffer from moderate depression, runs in my family (Thanks Grandma!)
Episodes of depression have certainly felt more pronounced since my wife died in 2016. Some days are better. If I can stay busy it helps, but I am retired and the social distancing is not good for me on an emotional scale.
Your statement "I just want to go and be with my husband" is powerful. I get it. I am 65 but if it's my time to go, I'm ready. I never felt like that earlier in life but since my wife died, life has kinda stopped.
Anniversaries are tough as well!
And I get "Trying so hard." I'm not sure what that's about for me, but I guess I tell myself that after 3 years I should be feeling better every day.
Doesn't work like that.
Thank you for your honest post!
No way I would wish to post something that might make anyone feel worse so I deleted my comments. They were actually directed towards Maggie just so you know. Be well.
Thank you Soulmate and Laurajay for your comments. Depression is a difficult thing to address even without grief. I appreciate your thoughts on this.
You are definitely not alone! I’ve suffered depression off and on most of my adult life. I am currently on medication but I never know if it actually works. My husband’s sudden death three years ago of a heart attack compounded my dark mood. I understand that certain anniversaries, such as the two year mark for you, can be unnerving. I so, so understand the “tired of trying to be positive” remark! I would put that effort on hold for a while. What’s wrong with taking a step backwards and intensely grieving again? Good for you for doing “grief work” and making a sincere effort to feel better. I have thought and told so many people that I want to be with my husband but we can’t. I have two dogs and several cats and I am needed by them for their care every day. It’s what motivates me to get out of bed each morning. I’m sure you have others who need you. It sounds so corny but our husbands would not want us to wish we died alongside them! My hubby told me if he died first to grieve maybe a month and then go enjoy life, get married again. A month? I certainly haven’t been able to follow his timeline! Look at it this way, your question and willingness to be vulnerable on this site prompted me to become a member just so I could answer you! You really helped me just by posing your question because I don’t feel so alone any more. So you’ve helped me a lot. I hope this helps a little and keep checking in.
I want to add that when a person has the courage to share a struggle of a personal nature, it gives others "Permission" to disclose their emotions and struggles too.. It makes the support network more powerful-thank you!
"Oh! I'm not the only one struggling with this problem!"
Thank you, soulmate. That is what I was trying to convey to Maggie. Her willingness to disclose her heartache made me feel so less alone.