A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Did your spouse pass away in your home? How do you/did you cope with this?
My husband suddenly passed away in our bed, in our new home. The master bedroom is on the second floor (thankfully), which means I can avoid it most of the day. For the first year I slept on the sofa in our living room because the second floor brought back so many horrible memories. I could've purchased a new bed and put it somewhere downstairs, but for some reason I wanted to "punish" myself and feel the pain that came from sleeping on an uncomfortable sofa. After the first year anniversary and dealing with consistent neck pain, I bought a new bed and put it in a different room on the second floor. It's still not easy to sleep just feet away from where the nightmare of my life began, but I know that my body and soul deserves a proper place to rest and relax.
I'll eventually sell our home because it's too big and holds so many mixed memories. In the meantime I've started to redecorate and make it as much of a welcoming and peaceful place as I can. It's all part of making 2011 about investing in me. I know my husband is cheering me on from Heaven and will continue to be with me on this life-changing journey.
Many thanks to all who contribute to this website- it's an amazing source of comfort and strength.
Views: 169
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by pegster999 on -
Mike passed away on our enclosed porch. There is only a front door to this house, so no real avoiding it. I really want to get out of this house as soon as possible. Problem is, finding anything else suitable to rent has been a challenge. I need a safe area and good schools for my kids. So I'm not going to try and force anything, when it's time I'll know. I have changed the bedding, I'm putting up a lot of pictures of my kids. Since I rent there are limits on how much I can change, but I am making this house as much mine and the boys as I can.
Peg
-
Permalink Reply by cleodoggie on -
My husband Jim came home to die. Agent Orange had cut his life short. In my daughters bedroom we had a hospital bed and his lift. I still after two years keep the door closed. I have moved things around and of course the hospital bed and lift are long gone. I have no problem going into that room any more...just at the beginning. I think Jim was much more comfortable than at the nursing home he was in for a while. It's where one should die..at home. Comfort was all we could give him at the end. The Military robbed him of everything else.
-
Permalink Reply by Mary0830 on
-
My husband passed away at home in our family room, which we had 'converted' to our bedroom. I determined that evening, that it was important for me to reclaim the space as 'normal' so i have been sleeping there since.
We have a lovely bedroom upstairs; and for a few weeks it remained the guest room. Now that i'm here alone, i have become comfortable with sleeping downstairs and have told my adult daughters that i may move back upstairs some day. I just give myself the freedom to be where ever i am comfortable.
I think part of the downstairs is this is where we last shared a bed together, his last days were in a hospital bed.
This room has a lovely view of our yard, something we both enjoyed tremendously; so for me it is a peaceful way to go to bed at night as well as wake up in the morning.
My husband made it very clear to me, that when he died, he is NOT here (something we both shared) -- so for me, it has not become a room to be avoided and i am grateful for the transition.
I do not want to offend anyone that has had a tough time adjusting to sharing the same space as their spouse died -- we all have our own places that are tough to process through for sure.
-
Permalink Reply by Scottish Helen on -
My husband was at home throughout his illness (cancer) and died on our sofa in the sitting room. This room was filled with paraphenalia associated with the sickness that he had. As soon as his body had been removed from the house to go to the funeral home, I was overtaken by a frenzy. I was driven to remove all of the things that were associated with Willie being ill and return it to the room it had been whilst he was well. Everything went, the bedding, the sick bowels, the power lifting chair, the inflatible anti bed sore mattress, the pillows, the medicine - it all went. So much so that when my son came home (he was 6 at the time) said 'you've tidied Dad away' - I wasn't trying to tidy Willie away - just his illness - it was 3 months out of our ten years together and I didn't want to dominate my memories within the family home.
I did avaoid sitting on that sofa for several days and when I did I was overwhelmed by emotion - so much so - it felt like a panic attack - I was sobbing and short of breath. It passed. Willie and I had bought the sofas about 18 months before he died - I gave them away a few months after he had gone. I couldn't live with them. But I didn't want to be forced from our home - so after that I have started a process of decluttering and redecorating - it's will be 5yrs in September and just about every room has been 'done.'
I am married again and we have taken the approach that we have just moved in and are decorating to our taste now - It has worked for my and I am happy to have been able to remain in the same home - which holds so many happy memories as well as those few hard ones x
-
Permalink Reply by celestia (Suzanne) on -
My husband died in our bed. It was extremely difficult to be there but for economic reasons I could not move. I did continue to sleep in the bed. The whole house, and the bed, seemed SO empty. It took me a few years to feel like it was "my" house again and not the house my husband died in. I still remember the first few months though and it was really horrible. It's one of those times I look back on and wonder how in the hell I got through it. But I did.
-
Permalink Reply by Marly on
-
My husband passed away here at home in a hospital bed in the spare room. Two days after he died, I sold our king-size bed and began sleeping in a double bed. I couldn't sleep in that big bed all by myself, even though he didn't die in it. Before all this happened, I would have told anyone who asked that I did NOT want him to die at home, that it would give me the creeps. However, after caring for him for 13-1/2 months here at home, it was as natural as breathing when he died. He was so sweet even in death. Jimmy was a winker, always winking at me or others. As he died, his left eye refused to stay closed no matter how many times I tried to close it. I leaned over him to kiss him goodbye and placed my hand on his chest. He expelled the remaining air from his lungs - as though he was sighing - very peaceful at last. I'm so thankful that he died here. I'm in agreement with you about redecorating and making 2011 an investment in yourself. We have to do that - they would expect us to.
-
Permalink Reply by celestia (Suzanne) on
-
That is a very cool story, Marly. I love that. My husband died really peacefully too. It was a blessing after the horrors of cancer treatment for 2 years.
-
Permalink Reply by Alive & Mortal on -
I think each of our paths have hard places that confront us on various levels, so I take the position that none of us are doing comparisons in sharing our experiences. I like reading all of your experiences - it actually is a way to know you, know your wounds, know your voice.
Brian was admitted to ER, sent to oncology - then we had choices to make. We decided to have him die at home with hospice. I would never do it differently, even though it left me with numerous demons. With his diagnosis confirmed, he wanted to handle his death a certain way and for the most part I was able to give him the crossing over that he wanted. At home. Kids nearby, friends around and me not ever leaving. 22 days, at his request I did not leave him. I never left home except when I ran to the vet with our dying cat and we were not gone long.
I would rather that he died at home than in an alley or in the ocean or some other frightening environment.
I guess each of us look for some shred of grace in a mountain of pain.
-
Permalink Reply by Morena on
-
Jeannette died in our bedroom. I absolutely could not stay in the house immediately thereafter, so went to a friend's house for two weeks. We were renting, so I had the luxury of being able to move a month after she died. The scene I encountered the morning of her death was so traumatizing, I'd have gone insane if I had tried to stay there...
-
Permalink Reply by denisec on -
My husband died in our bed. It was early morning (1:20am) and I had gotten up to go to the bathroom. When I returned, he was gone. He looked so peaceful and comfortable. Ever since he died, I have slept on his side of the bed, sometimes closer to the middle but not on my old side.
There were certain small items that had to go immediately because they were reminders of the previous 3 years of fighting the cancer. Doing that made me feel in control of a small part of a situation that was totally out of my hands.
-
Permalink Reply by sandollargal on -
My husband died in our garage. I will probably never enter the garage thru the laundry room door again.
This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
HOT TOPICS!
© 2013 Created by Supa Dupa Fresh.
