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My Helen passed away 30th June, going through all the trauma's that all know about on  this site but why is it that some photo's can give comfort and some healing whilst others just seem to send me into deep grief and longing.  I have 3 photo's on the mantle constantly Helen with the two granddaughters as babies, Helen looking lovingly at our two boys in their teens (now in their 40's) and one of Helen on her own when she was 40 ish.  I bring out other photo's occasionally but after a few hours or days I have to put them away the longing gets so bad.

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Hi Ray,

First, please understand that this is completely normal.  We all go through it.

When Susan passed over night in her sleep, my world imploded.  I was so used to her riding with me in our truck that I printed a picture of her and laid it on the passenger seat.  As I drove down the road I talked with her..  One day a couple of weeks later my youngest got into the truck and did not notice the nearly 8x10 picture.  I told him that he was sitting on Mom.  He said yes Dad I understand that you are used to Mom sitting here but I'd rather not sit in the back.  I said No, your sitting on Mom.  He got this quizzical look on his face and got out of the truck to sit in the back when he noticed the picture, picked it up, put it on the floor between the seats got back in and said "I understand Dad."

Depending upon our moods, and what the particular picture represents, it can definitely cause us to cry.

Susan has been gone for 4 years and several months now.  Many of us think of the day of their death, their birthday, etc. As I've worked my way through much of the initial agony, I decided that I would remember the day of our anniversary, the day we were married.  On that day I take out our wedding album and go through it page by page picture by picture. I sit on the couch or the love seat, and I talk to her.  I tell her what has gone on, and what each picture means to me.  I take care not to go down the route of the downward spiral.  Instead of focusing on the loss, I focus on the joy, love, and companionship that our 35 years of marriage brought us.  I ignore the birthday, Mother's Day, and the day of her death, and focus on the wonderful day when, for some reason, she said "Yes I Do."

It is going to be rough, and a path only you can take.  Please realize you are not alone.  We all are somewhere on our path too.  Those of us that are further out can help.  Once you have stopped reading, and feel that you are strong enough to log into Chat, please do.  Every time you tell your story, with greater detail each time and begin to include feelings along with the facts, you will find you grow stronger.  Most folks new to this, look at some of the text in the chat room and turn away from it. There is laughing, teasing, chit chat, venting and yes, crying, but it brings us all together.  Once you are strong enough to "Chat" please do join us.



I really like this, Frank, concentrating on your wedding day. And Ray, it just takes time and everyone has their own time. For a couple of years I didn't have any pictures of Ed in the house - took them away. Now I have a picture of us on our wedding day and a picture of us on my brother's wedding day. And I like looking at these pictures.

At his memorial, a month after he died, I put out pictures of him for friends and family to enjoy. I had found a picture of Ed just a few months before meeting me. He stood there in his leather jacket with a cigarette hanging from his fingers. The younger set that day looked at that picture and exclaimed you married a hunk! Too funny.

I haven't looked at my wedding album but now maybe I will!

And maybe I'll drop in on the chat too.

I'm not quite sure where my wedding album is! My husband was an avid amateur photographer (he had a gallery show at some point), and if he could have taken our wedding photos himself he would have. Anyway, he didn't really like our hired photographer's product (big fat surprise there, hah!), and we didn't buy the album, just the photos. So for years, my "wedding album" was a stack of photos in a Safeway grocery bag in the bottom of the closet, which I brought out when visitors asked to see our wedding pictures. Finally I bought an album and arranged the photos myself, but the adhesive got the pages stuck together, de-emulsified the photos, and now I had a zombie wedding album with bits of bodies and faces missing! I remember packing the damn thing for our move to our downsizer house, the year before he died, but it doesn't seem to be anywhere now. Thanks for the memories, I am smiling now. He was delightful, but what a handful!


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