Do you have a hard time being sympathetic to your friends?

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Permalink Reply by Kerryn on February 9, 2012 at 9:47am

I agree - people don't know what to say - so they go on about many things.

I'm not as patient as I used to be, I don't listen as much as I used, yet with our game group people - those who have over the years become our family, not just friends - I work much harder.   It does hurt when they talk about anniversaries, doing the couple things, but I have to remind myself that these are my friends, this is part of their life, and as much as it hurts - maybe not so much hurts, but brings out my green envy & jealousy, that these are the same people who were there through the last 10 yrs of Dave's treatment.  These are the people who on chemo weeks would at our house just hanging out for a half hour/ hour, just sitting in a dark basement watching movies on mute as the lights and sound would about drive Dave through the ceiling.  These are the same people who on good weeks would show up with a limo and take us out just for a joyride to be out, who would show up and just take our kids with them to all sorts of different activities and events.  These are the people who have been there for me this past year at any time.  These are the women who have offered to stay at my house at night so I can take a sleeping pill or two and actually sleep w/out worrying about my kids.  These are the couples who came to my house on my first wedding anniversary w/out Dave, made me leave the house, go out - got hammered and completely let loose - meaning I screamed,yelled, reamed out Dave-God-them- everyone everything - stayed at my house that night and with me the next day.  These are the people who each time we are together make a toast to Dave - letting me know he's not forgotten.  These are the people who aren't afraid to bring up Dave's name in conversation.  As the song goes,  These are my people.  

If that means I work to listen to them about the things I miss so much and often seem trivial to me, I guess that's what it means because they have done the same and more for me, and still do each and every day. 

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Permalink Reply by mrs4evr on February 10, 2012 at 8:17pm

I get very frustrated if one of my friends calls me up to gush about her husband being home from Iraq.  I feel that they are so insensitive as they know my husband was murdered in Ramadi 3 years ago.  I don't want to be jealous or envious of them but I am and I feel I am being very un-christianly.  Also, I have a friend in a horrible marriage (verging on abusive) who has every opportunity to leave him and live a happy life but she does nothing.  I don't understand why God let something so horrible happen to my husband who loved and adored his family but let someone mean and spiteful who has never taken up a moment with his daughter live.  I know that's bad, huh!!

 

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Permalink Reply by bad ass widow on February 10, 2012 at 9:21pm

I never felt jealous of other peoples happiness, just frustrated when people dont take advantage and appreciate what they have.  I have a friend, who although her problems are petty, I call her when I am feeling down.  Just to remember what it was like to have the petty problems.

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Permalink Reply by Jerry on March 3, 2012 at 8:39am

This is a great subject for sure. When people start telling me of what are trivial problems,to them it seems like their at their wits end and can't seem to cope with life. The past 2 1/2 years have been the hardest of my life. Caring for my wife and then my mom who also,passed away a year ago . Now when I hear stories of illness or death it doesn't phase me much. I have spoken to a therapist about this and he tells me it is because what I went through, my mind has shut out the feeings I used to have.

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Permalink Reply by Israel Girl (Chris) on March 3, 2012 at 9:53am

I get this!   My biggest annoyance is friends complaining about their husbands.  I like to think that ignorance is bliss.  They really don't get how fortunate they are to have their loved ones, pet peeves and all.  In a few situations, I have actually stepped back from friendships or situations just because there are people around me who are too needy for me to support them right now.

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Permalink Reply by UnwillingWidow on June 5, 2012 at 12:41am

I agree with all of you, I wish I still had to pick up Matt's socks off the floor. I do get jealous of some people, just because I miss him so much, not that I wish anything bad on them. 

I know exactly what you mean Mrs4evr! Ihave wondered the same thing about Matt every day of his illness and since he;s been gone. That kind of horror should be reserved only for murderers and pedifiles!

Also I get irritated when my friends say "I have no right to complain to YOU!" I keep telling them that everyone has problems and they don't have to exclude me from their lives, but they are. Just because their problems aren't as "big" as mine doesn't mean they aren't problems jus tthe same. Sometimes I'd like to think about the small issues to take my mind off the bigger ones!

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Permalink Reply by Suz on June 5, 2012 at 6:12pm

I do get this and it irritates the hell out of me. What really bothers me is a very odd one. Anytime I talk about Jud and my loss, I have a "friend" who will start chattering on about "well, it's just the sixties, so many people die in their sixties and we are seeing it all around us in our neighborhood." At that point in time, I want to smack her and say, "it isn't about the sixties, it is about my husband DYING!!!!" 

I know its her problem but it makes me feel a little violent!

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Permalink Reply by janet on June 13, 2012 at 4:21am

No.  My problem is with people whinning about the same thing every f******* day.  I did whine in my earllier days before I got into group theraphy.  Reckon what I leaned there has stuck becase I have not tolerance for someone who continues to whine about the same thing all the time for over a year. 

I understand it when you are new to this journey as I am.  Please tell me i f you everthink I am whinning because it is something I do not tolerate nor want to do.

Life is to short and precious for us to whine about the what if's, what might have beens and all the other things associated with it.

Am I perfect, Hell no I am not but I cananot bring him back.  So I have a decision to make and it is mine and mine alone.  No one else can make that decision for me, only I can.  We all have choices.  We end up living our how we thought it would be.

God grant me Sereinty to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference.

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Permalink Reply by jean on September 12, 2012 at 4:03pm

I am having trouble with these types of thing lately also...  I mean, trouble in that I am finding it hard to find words to say that aren't "get the hell over it!"  Pretty soon I'm going to stop answering the phone.. which will just make me more isolated... any suggestions to how to feel empathy for people when you just want to slap the hell out of them?

Oh wait.... this person should be slapped..  I'm normal.

Nevermind...    :)    Except that I just posted this on a public forum.  LOL   seriously.. I just don't have patience for much anymore when it comes to people complaining to me. Am I the only one here? 

 

 

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Permalink Reply by kotkandi on March 6, 2013 at 11:26pm

I really hate it when people are always complaining about the little things in life. My husband was very ill and had trouble with his bodily functions and had so much pain but was still being upbeat and inspirational.

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Permalink Reply by Hopeful on March 14, 2013 at 8:39pm

Thank you...for making me laugh!  Sometimes when I feel this things - all of what you described below - I think 'gosh, what a horrible non-compassionate person I have become in spite of this horrible tragedy' thinking I should somehow have even more compassion than ever before....I must be the only person on the planet who thinks this way!  Then I realize I am pressed every day into this new 'normal' that somehow will never be the same and that this new perspective just doesn't fit in with many others perspectives....I do try and find grace and count my blessings everyday even when I swear I will never sign on to FB again!

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