My husband passed last month and I’ve been asked several times already ... even by my psychiatrist. My answer has been “No”. It’s not that I’m against it but more that marriage is a forever thing for me. I can’t imagine loving anyone else enough to commit to “til death”.
What about you? Do you think you’ll get married again?
Sooner or later we are all asked that question. We were married 35 years when Susan passed suddenly in her sleep. Essentially, she went to sleep Sunday night and did not wake up Monday morning, the victim of a "Silent Heart Attack." We had discussed what we would do should one of us pass before the other. I told her that she should mourn and then move forward and be free to marry again. Of course being a "Guy" I figured that naturally, I'd pass before her. She gave me the same comments back. We both gave the other the freedom to move on and marry if we wanted. Sometimes I think the intensity of our pain, anguish, and loneliness is in direct relationship to how strong our love is/was for each other. There were guys in my grief group who were out dating within weeks of their wife's death. I, on the other hand was in terrible shape. I could not fathom how someone could (as I saw it) dishonor their marriage, their wife, and their love acting like that. It will be 7 years this coming December. I've weathered most all of the storms, worked my way through the loneliness and have settled into a life of living "without Adult Supervision" as my married friends call it. I've reached the point where I'd like to date, hike, go to the theater, travel, cruise, etc. But I doubt that will occur as I live in a very remote area at 10,000' elevation inside the Rocky Mountains. There just are not that many opportunities. If I do meet someone, we would have to become best friends, and then see where things go after that.
Some of the women here might say No, after going through that kind of pain and anguish, why would I want to go through that again? I'm sure your question will prompt other replies. Give yourself time. You need time to get back on your feet, to reestablish yourself and your life, and then, when you feel ready, start mingling and then make a decision.
To answer your question directly... Yes, I would, but I don't think the opportunity will present itself.
I'm sorry for your loss. I've often wondered if it is worse to see your spouse wither and die from a terminal illness or lose them unexpectedly. Either way is difficult and painful.
As for those who get into relationships shortly after the passing of their spouse, I can understand the grief and wanting to fill the black hole with something/someone to not feel .. to not think, to make the hurt go away.
I'm into my 6th year and while I won't close the door to it, I do feel nervous and as Frank suggested, why would I put myself through that again? I recently liked someone and was kind of flirting with him. He's a few years older than I am but looks much younger. He lost his significant other about a year ago and I wasn't going to push it. Then I learned he was dating again! In the last week, I also learned he has had a recurrence of the same cancer my husband died of. That kind of sealed the deal for me there! That sounds heartless but there isn't even a chance anyway.
I do believe in love and I do believe it can happen more than once. I've seen it and I think it's magical. I think if I fell in love again that power would help me go through the thick and thin again.
So I guess for me I am not looking right now but the door isn't shut. Like Frank, there would have to be friendship first.
Hugs to all!
I hit my high note with Janet so the answer is Never.
From the moment I learned of Bob-O's death, I said to myself - no dating, no re-marriage. I learned from my twice widowed mother not to go down that road stemming from horrific experiences as a result of child neglect, dating, remarriage & his death w/in 5 years of my father's. Crappola happens when people give up control over themselves ...
In the 12 years I've been widowed I've never once dated or regretted it. The only time (there were many) I considered either was when I was struggling to find a way out of overwhelming pain & misery. Neither provided an excuse to go in those directions nor were they truly appealing. Once back to my senses, those thoughts simply vanished & I was good to go on as usual ...
Depending on one's age, there might be things a person instinctively wants to accomplish. I was 49 when Bob-O was killed, I was happily married as well as had created a family - my natural needs had been satisfied. In addition, I had rarely been w/out a male from the age of 15 for a total of 34 years. At that point, it was more than 1/2 my life. It was then time for me to be on my own to invest in myself having the financial security to do so as well as raise my (grieving) kids w/out risking further complications. Healing & happiness for myself & family was/is my #1 priority ...
During the grief process, I unlearned marriage. While I can relate to the married having done so, it tends to get boring sometimes annoying listening to complaints while I recall happiness & feel gratitude for mine. At 61, I have more energy than I did in my 30s - I'm on the go, go, go. My patience waiting for people to discuss matters w/their spouse to make a simple decision garners disinterest to get me heading down the road w/in a few minutes. That is not to say I don't ever find couple's talk necessary as well as cute, it is through the grief process I learned to be independent to care for myself & kids as well as overcome loneliness to close the chapter of my marriage as well as the entire matter ...
Thus my answer is "No" ...
If I ever date, I will do just that. I will live in my house, he will live in his house - we will go out together or whatever, nothing more ...
Recall earlier, I mentioned I'm 61 years old. I gather you are young, there is plenty of time to consider possibilities & prospects to provide direction in your life as well as your son's life. Re-marriage & more kids are both good options when grief has ended. From my 12 years of experience in having visited 4 widow sites, far too many widow/ers have learned either or both compound grief by interfering w/its natural process. Just maintain power in decision making for you & your son's future ... ;-)
Continue to strive for healing as you venture on the grief path ...
Take it easy ...
Bob has been gone almost 6 years and I will never get married again. We had a good marriage of 53 years. The last few years I was his caretaker. I am very independent and don’t need anyone to take care of me. Most of the men in my age group have problems and I could never go through being a caretaker again. I am 80. I believe it is different for younger people who hopefully have many years ahead of them. Through my activities I have met several nice men who have become friends. I enjoy going out for lunch and taking trips but I don’t want a serious relationship. Peace to all.
Thankfully no one has asked me that yet, however my wife asked some years ago, my answer now is the same as it was then "doubtful".
Right now, I would have to say no. Heck to the no. As in no freaking way. Ask again in a year or so, I might have a different answer.
It's been a bit over a year, and I still have no interest in dating or marriage. I wouldn't want to bring my stuff into someone else's life, that would be unfair to them. Having said that, I miss having my boo right with me. Ask me in a year I may have a different opinion, but as of now, I don't see it happening. For those who are able to, much respect. :-)
Been 4.5 years for me, have not dated. I would not rule out dating but no one has asked, lol. Definitely no to a re-marriage and probably a no to living together. I don't see any point to either at my age.
ETA - when I was married I used to get some interest/attention from other men, where are they now? Maybe they were only interested when they saw how I loved and took care of my husband.
I am 38 and only been a widow for almost 6 months. I told myself and others that no I'm not interested in dating again. But, the last couple days I have felt more lonely lately and thought to myself that it would be nice to find love again. I was with my husband for 12 yrs when he passed. The only truly serious relationship I've had. I dont know if it will ever happen again.
Cannot even imagine such a thing! After decades of marriage I do not see ever having that sort of intimacy with someone new and really, I do not want someone new. My life now is as a widow and so it will remain.
Almost 3.5 yrs for me since my husband Bob passed unexpectedly. Everyone is different and that is the wonderful thing! I met my beautiful Bob when he was a 3 year widower and we had a remarkable relationship for 30 years. He had no children with his first wife and we remained close to her family. Bob and I got married, lived, loved, were never blessed/cursed with children, built our career and planned for our retirement. 30 years of normal "life" with the exception that my Bob lived the mantra "LIFE IS SHORT". Never a day, nor a doubt that we loved and had each other's back. (OK, that is totally woman's perspective.....Bob would say something more like "here's the extra safe deposit key....don't lose, it").
I had a great Love, a great husband. I had a awesome man who came into my life about 4 months after Bob left and I will still argue that Bob brought him to me. He accelerated my healing and pushed the "negative" thoughts and people out of my life! When we broke up, my heart was totally demolished once again and I will be FOREVER GRATEFUL to him for both coming into and leaving my life.
The heart is so encompassing and so HUGE! I miss my Bob everyday! Somedays the ache is worse. My Bob missed his first wife EVERY SINGLE DAY...but he lived and loved me. That is life...this is the cycle that has been for centuries . "You get better or you get bitter."
I may not get remarried...however; I will love again!
Maybe it makes a difference if you are younger or if your spouse died suddenly or if you have children with your spouse. When do people ask you about dating/remarriage? Thoughts?
As always, I wish you to find a small piece of comfort everyday. Remember, you will be ok.