My husband passed last month and I’ve been asked several times already ... even by my psychiatrist. My answer has been “No”. It’s not that I’m against it but more that marriage is a forever thing for me. I can’t imagine loving anyone else enough to commit to “til death”.
What about you? Do you think you’ll get married again?
Great post, I'm still struggling with should I seek another relationship or leave it be. I still have the thoughts that if I did engage in another relationship it's somehow cheating. I know intellectually it isn't, but the heart is telling me different. Also, I don't want to bring emotional damage to another person, they don't deserve it. Who knows? Thank goodness it's football season for distraction. :-)
Lynn, Steven has been gone less than a month and right now I can not ever see myself with someone else. Steve and I were married for 34 years, we grew up together. I married him when I was just a girl. He helped to make and shape me into the woman I am today. I would all ways tell him that he had given me everything that I ever wanted out of life and what a ride it has been. So, I don't think I would ever marry again but I would like to have a companion to do things with and someone to show me love again. Steve would tell me that he wanted me to continue with my life and to enjoy it.
Everything in its own time. See my post below. So sorry for your loss.
My husband died in January 2018. I am not interested in getting married again and can't imagine living with someone either. Partially because of age- I'm 52 and at this point, the odds are good that if i found someone he would probably be older than me, and then you have those issues of taking care of someone with illness, dementia etc. That sounds terrible but I need a looong break from being a caregiver: my mom died this spring, i have teenagers, etc. Then there are the legal, financial etc issues. I can't imagine being entwined like that again, or trusting someone else with that stuff.
I was with my husband 21 years, married for 19. Can't imagine being married to anyone else. I lived by myself before I was married and although I get very lonely and miss my husband all the time, I'm not interested in giving up my independence for anyone else.
But I would love to ultimately have a committed partner who lived close by in his own space. I suppose you could end up taking care of someone again with that type of relationship. Right now it would be great to date and have fun, and that is what i'm looking for:)
My beloved died in 2012 and I always said I had topped ou with him - so I wasn't looking. We had raised three children - together for 37 years. But a few months after 5-year mark ) I felt my late husband come to me to bless me saying" Be open" and I knew he meant to love and it was coming soon. I am happily married to a man I have known for 40 years - an old friend. We have a deep understanding of each other. I feel grateful and an amazed to have been twice blessed with love.
i was asked that question even before my husband passed. I remember telling someone, "let me finish this marriage before I start thinking about the next". I think people just want widows/ers to be happy.
My late husband and I were together 20 years and we were best friends. We had a beautiful relationship full of love and laughter. I was devastated when he passed. That being said, I am a relationship person but when I do enter another relationship I want it to be unique and different from what I had with my late husband. Marriage isn't a priority for me but finding someone who can be my partner for the next phase of my life is something I want. I am neutral on marriage.
It has been 21 months since he passed and I am dating. At first it was hard, felt strange and I spent a few dates staring at men wishing they were my late husband.
Everyone is different and has different needs. Some may not need want another relationship while others do. It is a deeply personal decision.
The one thing I have to keep reminding myself on this journey is how I feel today isn't how I will feel tomorrow and giving myself permission to change. My new response to people generally starts with, "this is how I feel today". It is more a reminder for me than anyone else. Today you may not want to date or remarry but that can change over time.
My advice to everyone is be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Be open to each day good or bad but know that tomorrow is a new day. If I have learned anything it is each day brings something new to my life emotionally. Some of it good and some of it not good. I have learned not to judge my own choices or anyone else's. This is a horrible experience and we all need to get through it in the gentlest way possible. Give that gift to yourself and to your fellow grievers.
Hugs to everyone on this site.
Well, now, I'm in a bit of a unique position here. My partner and I weren't married, but I take your meaning. My partner and I were/are also polyamorous. I have two other significant relationships. So, actually, I never really stopped dating/loving, though much of that has been them supporting me through my grief and doing their own grieving in the last few months. (In case you are thinking that having more partners somehow made losing my beloved easier, it definitely did not. My heart is still broken.)
I can see that you miss this particular partner but you are not a widow in the defined sense. You did not have a committed marriage nor were you like many here who with their spouse raised a family together. It is not the same at all.
So because I did not have children it's not the same for me either? There is no way we can say that to anyone at all. Everyone's grief is not the same at all. I particularly will not say Melissa's grief is any less than mine because her path to love is different from mine. Mine is different from yours. So I will just say this: you don't have the right to say what you did. It sounds judgemental to me. I can only hope you did not intend it to be so.
Melissa, I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you.
Having a marriage certificate as well as raising a family together are of little importance when grieving the loss of a *beloved*. As Melissa mentioned they were *partners* who were also polyamorous. They still shared a bond of love. As her partner, Melissa's grief should be respected as well as acknowledged. There are others on this board who were not married nor had children, but consider themselves to be widow/ers. What's the problem w/it? Many older widows told me they were married for 30-50+ years as if my marriage of 27 years invalidated my grief or theirs was somehow much harder than mine. Or that b/c I was young it should have been assumed I would want to find love & comfort in the arms of another man as if to give permission to date &/or remarry b/c of my youthful hormones & loneliness. Or that maybe our partnership or his love for me was not as great as I thought it was. A true load of crappola!
Grief is not a competition, it is a devastating human experience ...
Bob & I were cathected - it is all that matters & I grieved his death & my loss ...
Hugs Melissa, please keep coming back ...
Well said. Grief is not a competition.And as I said above, we cannot judge each other.
My first response was - "WTF, grief isn't a competition!" ;-)