My husband passed last month and I’ve been asked several times already ... even by my psychiatrist. My answer has been “No”. It’s not that I’m against it but more that marriage is a forever thing for me. I can’t imagine loving anyone else enough to commit to “til death”.
What about you? Do you think you’ll get married again?
Never. For a while I thought I wanted to date, but I didn't. There will never be anyone like Don, and I don't want to go through everything that it takes to build a relationship like we had. I can't see myself with anyone else. Yes, I get lonely; at the end of the day, no matter how busy I try to stay, I'm still alone. But that's part of it I guess. I know a lot of people have found wonderful chapter 2's, but I'm just speaking for myself. I think it's wonderful when a Chapter 2 love happens, and I'm happy for those who have found that, but it's not for me. I will be 9 years this November. My grandchildren and my daughters keep me going.
I don't know about marriage but I am so lonely and I crave touch. I'm not talking about sex but just simple, sweet touch. I'm trying to date after a year and a half but it's just so confusing and not the comfort I crave Anyone else feel like this?
DeeDee there's a thread over on the "ladies only" discussion board that sort of addresses this, you might find that interesting.
It's been over a year, and I can't even think of dating, let alone marrying. I miss my boo, and I still kind of feel like it would be cheating, even though I know and understand that it's not. I've been married twice, first one was a divorce, second and by far better ended badly. I just can't see a third, but I guess you never know. That's just me, individual results may vary. :-)
No. I think about it sometimes but it would not be what would really want and that’s to have the love I had with my husband. I’m happy for those that can find love again. I go back and forth wether I would want to look for someone or not and I just think that I wouldn’t be able to handle the closeness with someone else. It has been 19 months since my husband died and I still feel like I belong to him. Maybe one day I will feel different.
Lynn, I think that is the most insensitive thing I ever heard anyone say to a recent widow, OMG, it's only been a month! You are still grieving, heck, you're not even through that first round of "numbness" after a death ---- what is wrong with these people who are asking about re-marriage -- especially your shrink! Grieving is a journey --- Husbands are NOT like a pet dog, who may die and you go and get another one at shelter in a month or so... If I were you, I'd change shrinks... and really, truly think about these other people -- are they really your friends?
As for me, it's been four years since my husband died. Can't imagine ever marrying again. And ours was a second marriage for both of us, after divorce. I finally found "the one" and I don't think there is another one out there... not even looking...
Of course, everyone is different... and I have some widowed friends who are dating now, a year or so later.
But, for people to ask so soon -- that's really bad manners and insensitive to what you are going through.
Sorry you're dealing with these nasty people.
And as far as "til death" etc., I watched our wedding video and we actually said in our vows: "for as long I shall live" and I've still alive, so I'm still married. I still wear my wedding ring. It's a forever thing for me.
I visit a senior home and almost every widow wears her wedding rings. My widowed Aunts wear theirs. I was wearing both mine and Dan's but now I am just wearing a small silver band. I married once and it was for life---even after his is over.
I just learned that one of my oldest friends--over 30 years--has been diagnosed with brain cancer and only given months to live. I know the "drill".
It's only been 7 months since my husband passed. I was his caregiver for 9 years (brain cancer)
I can't see myself going through that care giver process again. Too painful emotionally.
Chances for me remarrying are NONE . I hit the jackpot with my husband. He was my person, best friend my everything. I can't imagine my life with someone else.
My wife Lisa of 22 years passed on the 24th Jan 2019 to Stage 4 Breast Cancer and Metitastic Brain Tumours, a month after she passed I was asked if I would date again, I didn't know what to say other than I haven't thought about it, I know Lisa did because she wrote me a letter back in April of 2017 when she was diagnosed with her brain tumour, she told me that I shouldn't be alone and that I need to be happy and love again. The idea of dating again bloody scared me, how can I talk to another woman, I'm 43 and have three kids (18, 16 & 11), the fact I'm now a widow adds more issues to the pile. Would they be understanding, would I compare them with Lisa? could I have photos or Lisa's Urn in the house etc...
Last year in May I went through what at first I thought was just sadness, Lisa was getting moody and telling me I wasn't helping her, yet I was not working and being her Full-Time career, going to appointments, chemo, Surgery, Acupuncture sessions, cooking her special meals, looking after the kids, I had no time for myself and put on a lot of weight. Then the kids weren't helping either and Lisa's parents lived with us (they own half the house) again waste of space, so I had no one, my sadness turned into depression and suicidal thoughts, what got me through it was a very close friend, we reconnected in late May, she listened and got me back on track, I have known Tara for 32 years, we meet at Intermediate School (Middle School) when we were 12 and we dated in High School in fact could have been together after that but Tara went to Japan for an exchange so felt she need to travel and live, I locked away that love for her. She then dated a guy years later and I meet Lisa, end of story right? No....
Lisa knew I had started to speak to Tara and how bad Tara's marriage was and she encouraged me talking to her, it seems now she knew she wouldn't be here with me and wanted a friend for me to get me through or maybe more??, so she would ask about Tara, and get me to message her and I called her a few times. Fast forward to Jan of this year and Tara is there for me picking up the pieces and talking to me a lot and it's like no time has passed and we are both 17 again, the first two weeks after Lisa passed I felt like I was cheating, but Tara reminded me I was now a widower and to not beat myself up, and my kids picked up that I was still sad and a little lost, but was getting better as everyday went on.
I have lost over 13kg, grown a beard, fell that I like myself and have an amazing relationship with a women who my wife liked and knew, Tara wants me to talk about Lisa with her and remember things. Tara lives over 4000Km away from me so I flew across and caught up with her and WOW the connection was there and it was stronger than ever. She is married but there is no love, and hasn't been for over 5 years, I did not want to be a home wrecker. She has wanted to get out of that relationship but like all things its a money thing she would have nothing. I asked my kids what they thought if there was anything between Tara and me would they be happy, my oldest son just said if your happy dad I'm happy, my daughter didn't have the same view 2-3 years ago that she has now she was around 14 and told me she only has one mum and I was not dating or marrying again, I was to be alone, now she is almost 17 and been with her boyfriend for almost 16 months, she is like you have to be happy, you have to think about yourself, its your time to shine!, my youngest son was 8 when Lisa was first diagnosed with Breast Cancer in 2016, so he really hasn't had a mum for three years (I've tried my best to be both), so the idea of Tara possibly coming into our lives it massive for him, he talks to her most days, he states she needs to be over here with us, he already sees her as his step-mum.
Tara also wants the kids to talk about their mum with her, she wants photos up in the house and wants to get to know who Lisa was and what she meant to me, she even wants to read the letters Lisa wrote to me, which I am happy she wants to.
I feel very humbled and in someway blessed that I have two woman who I love be in my life, I lost Tara for being young, found Lisa (still) loved her for 22 years but lost her to soon, but to then find Tara my high school sweetheart again and find out she hadn't gotten over me as well and has still loved me for the past 27 years is like WTF moment.
I have stated to people that I am not looking for love, but if love comes and finds me I am grabbing it with both hands and not letting go... I hate being single, I love the idea and what Marriage means when to people bond and want to be together for life, this is what I thought would have been for Lisa and I but it wasn't, the fact I might get a second chance at love or marriage with Tara, when most don't find it at all is amazing, and I will embrace it.
Well thanks for reading this long winded story, journey - remember to "WALK THROUGH YOUR BAD DAYS, AND EMBRACE THE GOOD DAYS!"
I'm here if anyone wants to talk, if you live in Australia R U OK Day is on the 12th September 2019, its ok to ask a family member or a friend " R U Ok?".. we all have stories that might help someone else going through Depression or Anxiety we might make a difference in their lives and maybe our own. Stay strong.
EDC, thanks for your honesty about this- but I can't believe that only one month after Lisa's death you were already getting the question of whether you planned to date again!
I also lost my husband after an extended illness (acute myeloid leukemia) and re-connected with an old college BF less than a year later. He was married but the sexual part of the marriage had died of years earlier (we'd been e-mailing back and forth for years- purely platonic and with my husband's knowledge so I knew how things were). It was beautiful. life-giving and a revelation- really. Sadly, after only two visits over a period of 6 months he had a serious stroke and is now back on the other side of the country with his family, We still e-mail frequently but probably will never see each other again. Nearly two years after the fact I still don't regret it and neither does he.
I'm now dating a great guy I met on Match.com. Neither of us is interested in marriage or cohabitation- just enjoying the present.