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I've read over and over how much it helps.  I've given it a try but have thrown it to the side.  My journals seem to turn into letters to Jerry that leave me sobbing, not sure how much that helps.  

If you journal how has it helped?  Would you recommend I keep trying?  Do your journals end up as letters that will never get read or have you set a different tempo for them?  

I feel as if all of my previous positivity is slipping away, and I'm grasping at straws to hang on to being positive and having a healthy outlook.  

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Hugs Susan!  I switched to bullet style to keep myself from having a "theme".  :)

Susan, Yes, I have reread it and promptly threw it away!  I decided I'd be mortified if anyone ever saw the stuff I wrote!!!  I am keeping a bullet journal now and it's way less personal of course.  I feel "safe" with that.  Nice to hear from ya, Susan.  I hope you've been doing well. 

 I just recently last weekend started journaling via a journey app that I found on my iPhone.   I wanted to give it a try as well since I've heard good things about it but I didn't think I would be willing to pick up pen and paper. I do however find myself also talking to Brent maybe that's what we're supposed to do? 

I think we each find our own way. I do the old fashioned pen and notebook. That's the interesting thing I noticed. In the beginning I did a lot of writing to Ed. Now not so much. But there isn't any one way to do any of this. We each are in this uniquely but we can reach out here and folks understand.

Hugs.

I journal everyday.  I cry the whole time, but I can say what I want to.

Sometimes is loving stuff, other times it an outrage chewing him out, yelling

as fast as I can write.  It does help, for a few hours.  I still have death fog memory going on,

so I journal to remember stuff I need to do also.

Last Jan. I got a both a journal, we both wrote in it up until his death.

It took me 2 weeks after he passed to read it.  It is now my cherished treasure.

I will keep journaling, so when I am gone our children can read how much I loved their daddy.

that's so special and what a treat that you have his journal.  

Dear I Hafta,

   That sounds like a beautiful thing.

    I have been journaling since we found out Paul had brain cancer. So I have journals from 2015..  I don't always write in them anymore. 

    I have go and buy a poinsettia for his grave.   Today is his 2nd year anniversary of being in Heaven.

Love,

Susan

I’ve never kept a journal and thought I should try it. I didn’t start until a month ago, which was 10 months after my husbands passing, and I found it turned into a letter to myself. Talking about issues I wish I had gotten to with my husband. No marriage is perfect and I felt cheated by not being able to resolve our issues before he passed. We had issues throughout our nearly 20 year relationship and I never feared we wouldn’t work it out. I just wish I could have had  that closure with him. So since I can’t work those issues out with him anymore I’m trying to work them out with myself. I keep my letter in a pages document and just add to it whenever I feel like it. I find I’m the most honest with myself and address things I can’t even bring up with my counselor yet. So yes I recommend it and whatever form it takes that’s what it was supposed to be. I don’t add to mine everyday and in fact haven’t written anything in over a week so don’t feel forced into everyday.  Having a way to vent my feelings even if I’m the only person reading it has helped more than I thought it would. Hope this helps, Nicole 

Several times a week, after reading several blogs on what to do after losing your partner. I started almost 3 years ago, but before I got to the present, I felt I had to tell the past, write what brought me there, what happened to Arlene. This took around four months, which took me to almost the 1st anniversary of Arlene's passing. What happened to her was epic and I felt that it needed to go down on paper. 

I continue to journal 5 days a week or so. Sometimes its about the grief, sometimes its just about what's going on in the day to day, sometimes its me venting, sometimes its me writing a letter to Heaven. I find its a good place to let out how I feel on a day to day basis in private, without people reacting. 

Does it help? I would think yes because it insulates me from letting out in public what I'm thinking.

An added benefit would be that it can be used as the basis of a movie about Arlene and I. Someone get George Clooney to play me, or PeeWee Herman. whatever.

I started one January 01, for the new year, first one ever for me, not sure why, could be I'd read or heard it helps. Have planned to destroy it from day one.

For the first few months the entries were written to no one specifically not even myself and are a chaotic mix of thoughts, feelings, venting and the like.

More recently they are less mixed, less chaotic and less negative, most of the May entries are written to MaryAnn, not really letters, more a written version of the conversation we might have had over dinner or an evening cocktail.

Have also started using it to keep track of sleep and diet.

I don't write every day, just when I feel like it and for now feel it is beneficial.

Yes, but not "actively". Sometimes I write entries daily: some long; others are just short observations, memories of conversations, etc. [As you said: "a different tempo"]...and then I can go weeks (or sometimes even months) without putting down a thing. I have kept a journal at one time or another for over fifty years. Some I still have; others have been lost or destroyed. Writing is an "introvert" thing--and I sometimes test "Introvert" to the point of being a hermit. :-)

In the immediate weeks after Judith died, I was writing so fast and furiously that my script became an almost illegible scrawl--even to me, but I can still read it. Over time, I gradually calmed down, and my cursive returned to something that most people would call "legible".

I see nothing "wrong" with how you are doing things (I know several individuals who "write letters" to their deceased spouses); however, if you feel that keeping a journal isn't helping (or constantly making you cry), just put it aside for now and work on it some other time. You need to focus on things that lessen the negative feelings: walking, getting involved with a group that does some activity you enjoy, cooking, texting/emailing/telephoning others--even posting here. Just some suggestions from The Western Reserve, but I'm sure you can think of other things to pursue as alternatives.

Actually, I started journaling when I was around ten years old. Whether I was happy or sad it seemed to always help me to write my thoughts and feelings down on paper. I could say things that I couldn't say to anyone else. I could freely express myself without having  to worry about being judged by others. And that is how journaling has helped me as I try to make some sense out of my new normal. There are times I have wanted to run out of the house screaming but I know that would not be a wise thing to do and so I write in my journal. I can use bold letters or red ink or whatever I want to expose the pain I feel. Sometimes I make lists and some times I direct my comments to him personally. It's my choice. For me releasing what I feel on paper helps. I don't journal every day. And over the course of these last 14 months not all my entries have been angry or sad ones. When I have had a glimpse of a sunny day I write that down too. Like today. I was feeling pretty down. I miss my best friend so much. And then I read your message.....and I want to say.....don't stop journaling...don't give up...if all your entries are letters to Jerry so what? One day you may write a letter to Jerry and find you cried but not as much as before....and then maybe one day you will write a letter and actually smile...this is a path we didn't choose and I think we are each just trying to do the best we can. Sometimes I too feel as if I am moving backwards instead of forward but I just think of what Tony would want me to do and that renews my hope. Please, think of what Jerry would want you to do....don't give up. Take care and God bless.

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