I've read over and over how much it helps. I've given it a try but have thrown it to the side. My journals seem to turn into letters to Jerry that leave me sobbing, not sure how much that helps.
If you journal how has it helped? Would you recommend I keep trying? Do your journals end up as letters that will never get read or have you set a different tempo for them?
I feel as if all of my previous positivity is slipping away, and I'm grasping at straws to hang on to being positive and having a healthy outlook.
I am keeping the current ones. Threw the old ones away.
I seem to journal most f the time. I just hate the way my handwriting is going downhill :-(
My Joy Journal project is underway. It started out being something for me... however as we all know when I kid sees something it's monkey see monkey do.
SO I've decided to share my journal with the kids and whoever else want's to add something. I'm keeping it on an end table in the den, in a basket with all the things anyone could need to make a cute little page of art and joy. My only rules will be to sign and date it and it must be something that makes (whoever) feel joy in that particular day. My plan is to share it on Instagram as someone adds to it. I'm actually excited.
My first entry denotes fresh clean sheets!! They make me happy!!! Thank you Barbee!
PS, I'm going to attempt to add my instagram to my profile should anyone want to add me.
I burned my journals. There are different reasons to write one, two, three, etc. My purpose was to shed my darkest thoughts & emotions - a part of me I had never known - some written in a state of dissociation - most in a state of rage. There was no composition, proper grammar or punctuation, written when I had the ability to work a pen - more like scribbles. My journals also had glued on verses or sentences when words failed me from magazines & newspapers as well as taped photo copied pictures of his wrecked SUV, funeral, etc. They were a tool never to be shared.
Many use the word sadness - I felt deep sorrow & anguish. Bob was killed in a car collision, most of his head was crushed w/parts missing & other bodily injuries. The depiction of Christ w/pools of tears in his eyes while carrying his cross along the path of Via Dolorosa (Way of Suffering) resembled my grief.
I stopped writing at 2 months out when I began to scream daily. During that time I also grieved for my children's loss. When I became able to write again, it was just as it was in the beginning. Moments of joy were fleeting like a blip - not remembered enough to remark about or "if" they actually occurred ...
I burned them to keep my children from learning of the pain & despair I could hide as well as to prevent triggering their own. A few years later, whenever I re-read my scribbles, I envisioned as well as felt my past suffering. My memory retained everything. I enlisted alot of healing work to soothe & repair my inner self (some call it the inner child).
What I have kept is a list of books & resources I used for healing ...
I'm glad you are able to experience grief through different eyes ... :-)
SweetMelissa, my heart breaks for what you've been through. It's a testament of a strong woman rising up, you've come so far. I'm so glad you kept pushing onward. Nothing but the best of wishes for your continued healing. XOXO
Thanks Misty! Its now like recalling childbirth - no pain felt, all that remains are memories of those 3 experiences - stretch marks & episiotomy scars. Damn kids!
My PTSD from childhood exploded when Bob became a victim in a violent death. For a few years, I had times my eyes rolled back to the whites & I'd shake in what looked like a convulsion for 3 years only before & after monthly court hearings for the killer. Minor PTSD unfixable issues have been integrated such writing as if I have dyslexia, forgetting words & formulating sentences - most difficult during conversations, however, I don't stutter or blink rapidly. Improving my coping skills, working my spiritualualism & getting therapy provided strength to resolve issues as well as develop a new perspective. Awareness & safety signals of and for myself as well as others are a keeper as well as all I've learned from the abyss. Other than those annoying issues, I'm gòod, my kids are a different story. I've been a stalwart Jungian since I was 19. Thank God, for EMDR & Carl Jung!
Burning early journals was something I did too. They contained so much sadness and anger and frustration and many more kinds of negative emotions. It was a way I could offload the bad stuff and get to sleep at night. I knew without a doubt I didn't want to re-read them and I surely did not want anyone else to see them. When I told my daughter what I had done and why, she thanked me.
Now (the last five years anyway) my journals are more hopeful and playful and kind and ... well, it depends upon what word I chose that year. This same daughter recently told me there might be a "fight" among my children and grandchildren to see who gets which one when I'm gone! They are all looking forward to reading them.
Misty, I like that you are inviting others into your writing experiences. Great idea!
SweetMelissa, you did the work in the way that worked best for you. That's what healing is all about -- get well and keep well!
Yes, I do very well understand what you're saying ...
Treatment & self help work well for trauma from a loved one's violent victimization ...
I started journaling when I was in rehab in 2010, for my alcoholism, and I have done it ever since. It helps me alot to be able to put my thoughts down on paper. And yes sometimes it starts to turn to me writing to Mike. I will usually stop my journaling, set it aside and actually write Mike a letter. I have always written him love notes and letters throughout our relationship. Partly because I wanted to and partly because sometimes he was deployed. Please try to keep on with the journal, sometimes I even flip back through it to see where I was at and etc. I even kept a journal throughout his short but horrible last month he was here. If you can do it I'm sure you'll be glad you did. Best of luck, and so so sorry for your loss.
Thanks, Hopesmom, I started a bullet journal and I've been able to keep up with it a little better. I'm sorry for your loss and bravo to you for staying on top of alcoholism.
I keep a Journal... ( sometimes) ... I use to write in it every night. ... Did you ever decide to re read a little of your journal from about a year ago and think, " I did THAT or felt like that?
Yes I do reread - even from the year Ed died.
It is a comfort to see how my grief and loss progressed. I still grieve and still feel loss but I am definitely crafting and building a life for myself. Am I still lonely? Yes at times. And I am very very aware that while I am lucky to have loving siblings, nieces, and nephews, I am alone. So how do I handle that?
That seems to be the running theme in my journals!
As a sidenote, I threw all my old journals out - all the ones before Ed died. This was in my downsizing and clean up mode. I do not regret this. And someday I'll begin weeding these more current journals.
But I find writing a very cathartic activity. It helps me keep grounded.
Hugs to all.