A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Seems the further out I get the less I share my true feelings with anyone. Not a soul on earth knows what I go through everyday inside my home. I'm not sure if I feel they wont understand, but by the way they react to me when I talk about my husband I do know they don't really want to hear it. So I put on my game face and head out into the world each day then when I return home it's just me. Some days are ok, but most are filled with break downs at the drop of a hat. I've been sleeping more and more just so I don't have to face the pain and loneliness. Does anyone else feel this way? Like your all on your own even though you have tons of friends and family around all the time? I would love to break this chain...just have no idea how.
:--( Lisa, I hear you, and what's left of my heart goes out to you!!
Its going on 8 months for me this month. I am surrounded by a loving family and the best of friends. Different people have played different roles in my journey and my transitions.
But "game face," YES, I KNOW THAT!
I feel very "distant" in the midst of interactions, playing the role and reading my script.
I have shared with my two sister-friends, that I have done everything possible I can think of and have been advised to do for a healthy grieving process (what ever the heck that is!).
But with my heart/spirit still bleeding internally; once everything has settled, I need to go on a sabbatical ALONE.
I am so sorry that I can say I know how you feel. I'm sorry you have to feel like this, and go through this. Its been abput 6 weeks for me, and I'm starting to hide my feelings because I feel like people are tired of hearing about it and the rest of world goes on. I keep retreating even more also as depression I think is starting. I'm back to work and I love the girls at work, but I still feel like I'm on the outside looking in.
I was hoping to find some friends here, but I've never been super social so I still carry that fear that no one will like me. I miss my best friend. We always had each other, I couldnt hide anything from him. I feel lost without him. No one compares to what I lost.
My mother is great and family and friends, but I feel like I'm a big downer if I express how I'm feeling.
You are not Alone!
Stephanie don't worry about people not liking you here. We are all in the same boat, yes we are at different stages of grief but we also are not all on the same time line. What I went through at 2 months others may feel at 4. That's one of the nice thing here respect is showen for whatever feelings your having at the time. Because an hour from now I may feel different. In person I've always been a little she too, but I'm trying to change that. But if you need someone to talk to just contact me, you can say anything it's so much better to get it out. (((Hugs))) and prayers for better days for us all.
I have no doubt that you'll find friends here, Stephanie. I just sent you a friend request! And you don't need to feel like you're a 'downer' here either. Share how you're feeling. We've been where you are - or we're still where you are. That's the beauty of Widville.
Be yourself here on WV.
There are no expectations, judgements, or scores.
No one knows. It is difficult. They cannot understand the lost dreams, the numbness, the indifference, the feeling of being stranded or marooned, not knowing how to reach the port or the destination. Can people understand and help us in this? I shut all feelings to myself and try to focus on what needs to be -- basic survival. yes it is like being robotic and trying to be as unfeeling as can be.
But deep inside, it is an abyss of pain, of longing, of wishing, of wanting to be together.
Lisa,Yes there are us out here that do understand the whole 'game face' thing. Don't really understand why but like ssr I am not very social. I received a call from a lady I met at the gym inviting me to go out with her and I went but found it very difficult to carry on a conservation.
And I find it almost of a 'why bother' to post my thoughts on this site. Like I told her yesterday I feel a lot of time like nobody will care to hear/read what I think/feel/want for my life now. Even though she was very nice and talked with me I was glad to get away from her and come home.
I worry about unintentionally hurting someone else that is new to this pain, or someone that is trying to offer friendship/comfort -whatever. Cause sometime I find I'm saying to myself they don't know and I can't explain 'it' to them. I think we do change in our grief as time goes by but someone that is new needs to have that time and so I feel that I can't even share my 'true feelings' with other widows.
Maybe I need to just put myslf out there but I guess I'm right back to 'why bother?'. I posted my picture but when I look at it I feel like that's not me--who is that person-why would anyone want to know that person.
Lisa,Wanderer, srr, wishing you all a good day. Sorry for my rambling. Brenda
Oh Brenda I wish I could help you open up. I felt the same way in the beginging here. (Who cares what I have to say) But then I just started writing and found out that even if no one ever reads it or writes back that was ok. Just getting it out there helped me. But people here did read it...they did write back and they did care. I wish I could get on here more, sense I went back to work it's hard for me. And you can "Ramble" all you want to me, I do it all the time just ask anyone. lol So much of what we feel someone else is feeling the same thing and I've learned so much just reading what others have gone through. I hope your sewing is still going well and I would still love to see pictures of your work. (((hugs and Prayers))) talk to you soon.
Oh Brenda - we want to hear your voice. It really does help to share your feelings here in this safe place. Why bother? Because it will help you. Really. Give it a try.
When you are ready and when you are comfortable.
You will be heard. You matter.
I know what you mean and you are in the right place to say everything you need to say. I joined a grief support group last year and I never thought I would like it, but it's the one place where everyone "gets it". I'm also amazed that I'm going out with lunch with several women and to the movies. We met because of a horrible event, but having women who understand is something that gets me through this mess.
None of my friends or family members really want to hear about it anymore. It's sad but true and there's not much I can do about it except find outlets like this to support me.