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Does new love "fix" anything?
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Mariposa on -
Chris- AMEN to what you say. Thanks for being so honest in sharing your thoughts.
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Permalink Reply by Jerry on
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Hello Jim, I am no expert on any of this, but when I have heard from others and read on some sites, a divorced person either a man or women is coming from a totally different place then some that lost a spouse due to death. I waited almost two years before meeting someone, and even now I am not sure if was the right thing to do for me. If you are lucky, after time passes you and your neighbor can try to be friends again, and see what happens, good luck, sorry you have to be here,
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Permalink Reply by Jim on
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Thanks Jerry. Time will heal a lot for both of us, I'll bet. Sad part is that we have a lot in common, but just jumped into it before we were ready.
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Deleted my original post due to a link on facebook. Sorry, I'll be more careful next time.
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Permalink Reply by chez2all on -
New Love FIXES the loneliness issue and gives renewed energy to our lives. It doesn't make you miss the old love less, just a little differently as a new partner is there to support you through the journey.
Both of my husbands were loved totally and wholly, but differently as I was a different person when I met my first love 33 years ago to the person I became after he died. So I was a different person that my 2nd husband fell in love with and married in 2006.
Who knows what or who is out there for the new me this time.
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Permalink Reply by Janch02 on -
I am 18 months out and haven't started dating...well I had a lunch "meet" with a man just before the year anniversary of my LH death I think more to prove to myself I could go out. Well when he heard Robert had passed, my mom had passed, my dad had passed and my best friend...I'm surprised he made it to coffee. Lot of emotional baggage I think he felt I must have. I too troll the dating sites but to no avail...those that I found interesting and emailed I got no response and those that emailed or winked (with I find to be very passive aggressive behavior) I haven't sparked to.
I two to former boyfriends I reconnected with..one from college and the other from HS. But neither has gone any where I feel like I put in a lot of effort, calling, texting, emailing...even letter writing! Not to much but I don't get the interest or response. When Robert and I got together we knew...it was fast, fun and as we were both older we knew immediately... We wanted to talk all the time, be together, so their was no guess work...I told a co worker when she asked how you knew it was love..I just said, dating and being together was so easy, no doubt, no wondering or waiting by the phone....of course we'd be together every weekend. So I feel like I'm trying to make it happen with the old flames but in my gut they are not the next one.
I'm encouraged to hear folks say it can happen again. I have a number of friends who were widowed young and they have all found love again....I hope to as well.
A former boss and friend sent me a wonderful book and letter when he heard of Roberts sudden death. I keep it with me and read it time and again as I felt he wrote is so genuinely and it spoke to me.
My Dearest Jan:
I just heard about Robert and I am so deeply saddened by this I can only express my emotion in the written word. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you. You and your daughter and Robert's family are in my prayers. The list is endless. And the right words are to say the least, hard to find. I have been lucky in life, as I have never had to bare the pain of losing a loved one. However, I do know the joy of finding a soul mate in that universe of people that we come across on the path of life. And I know that in Robert you had found yours. And I do hope that somewhere in this fog of sorrow and pain you will find some sunshine knowing that, while only for a short time, you had this wonderful man by your side and that forever and a day you will always have him in your heart and will always see him in the eyes of Isabel.
I think that you know that my wife Kim lost her husband & soul mate Michael at an early age and I know a that even though we are married and have this great life together, that Mike still occupies a big space in her heart and that not a day goes by when she doesn't smile to herself remembering some small thing or special moment. I can tell you by being with Kim that over time the fog begins to clear and the sun once again begins to shine, maybe not as brightly as it once did but sunshine nonetheless. I also know that watching Kim and Mike's two daughters grow up, that they too are OK. In my life there are only a few people who I have met that I consider to be extra special and you fall into this category. While in truth the right words do fail me, I am enclosing a book that Kim in her time of great sorrow found inner solace and I share it with you in hopes that you may find a touch of what Kim found in its words. I would offer to kid sit for you but that is a stretch given the distance of our homes, I would offer to bring a lasagna or something but trust me the last thing you want right now is to experience my cooking abilities, the thoughts and prayers are covered and anytime, anyplace, anywhere if you need a big hug just call and I am there.
With heartfelt love; my friend.
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Permalink Reply by Wincy'sMom on -
Janch02, what a beautiful letter! It gives me hope for a future love, but I too want it to be, not easy, but simple and OBVIOUS like it was with Bubba. I'm afraid that making memories with someone new will make me forget my wonderful memories with him. Unless my new soul mate finds me at home, work or the grocery store, I don't think he'll find me! I was on a dating site for a month, but no one caught my eye and I'm not sure I'm ready to risk what's left of my heart. Again, thank you for sharing your letter and your thoughts, hope your Wednesday is wonderful.
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Permalink Reply by jean on -
What a beautiful letter. Wow. You are blessed to have friends such as this. Thank you so much for sharing with us. May God bless us all on this journey of grief, life and love. Please share this book he sent you? Thanks so much.
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Permalink Reply by Janch02 on
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It is a beautiful letter. Just the right amount of well, everything. And being from his point of view as a man who married a widow who understands her connection to her first husband gave me a whole new respect for him. The book he sent was called "healing after loss" daily meditations for working through grief, by Martha whitmore Hickman. I still read it and did find it helpful as I seemed to read the right passages at the time that best fit my emotions. Be well. Jan
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Permalink Reply by onmyown on -
Thank you for sharing. The letter is lovely and the book sounds very helpful. Hope you are doing well.
Jen
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Permalink Reply by courtice on -
I've been wondering how it works with already established relationships in your life, if you do meet someone new. My in-laws told me that they consider me one of their own family just before they departed back to England after Sara's funeral. I'm guessing that you would need to "pick and choose" the events that you would include them in and the people in your life who you would introduce them to? Am I right in thinking that?
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