A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Doing things that seem a bit out of character
The first few days after my husband passed away, I would remember something that was missing or I had misplaced and would go on a search until I found it, even at weird hours. Like one of his favorite shirts that I wanted to bring to the hospital for him but couldn't find it. I always loved him in that shirt. I finally ran across it many weeks later, wishing then that I could have taken it to him.
Another thing was waking up in the middle of the night, reaching into his night stand for his wallet, then proceeded to sit in the middle of my bed like a child going through each little paper and card he had in it. I put it all back exactly like he had it, so that I can look through it whenever I want.
Then a couple of weeks after his funeral, I don't even know why but I had to go into every closet, and go through every single pocket to see if there was anything left in there. I did find a set of my favorite earrings in an over coat that I thought was in my jewlery box. It seemed to be a driving force, something that I had to do.
Has anyone else have a need to do something like this? What was this all about? It was a need to do for me, how about you?
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Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by Jerry on
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Hi, my wife passed away 2 1/2 years ago and I still have all her things were they we're. Her wallet is in the drawer and I do open it and look at her photos she kept in it, her drivers licsense and the receipt for her last shopping trip. As far as looking for things, sometimes the thought of a particular photo comes into my mind and I will,search thought photo albums and bags of lose photos until I find it. I have looked at a picture and then had the need to look,through the closet to find the item of clothes she was wearing in the photo. It doesn't happen as often as it did, but it still does.
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Permalink Reply by Meema on -
I had that urge, too, to go through every drawer, every email, every file on my husband's computer, any stuff of his that I could find. I never snooped through his stuff when he was alive, we allowed each other our personal privacy. I found a few small surprises--his hidden stash of candy bars, an email to a friend where he said I'd gained 20 lbs in the last year with the stress of dealing with his illness ( I was outraged--I'd only gained 10 lbs!), but I don't think I was looking for secrets. I was, and continue to look for him, pieces of him to hold onto, things to jog my memories of who he was, especially before cancer took over our lives. It does feel like a compulsion, and it was especially strong in the first month. Now I'm getting close to 5 months, and I still keep hoping to find something of his I haven't found yet. And in fact, two days ago I found a box filled with papers and notebooks, a treasure trove of his handwriting, thoughts and dreams that mostly dated from well before we even met. Heartbreaking ad wonderful at the same time.
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