The ones where I know something is wrong, or even that my beloved Skip is dead are bad. In the first few days after his death, I had one whopper of a night where I dreamed that I was frantically taking his pulse over and over (he died of a heart attack) and then dreamed that we'd thought he was dead but he was actually OK and alive. Ouch. The dreams that are hardest for me are the pleasant ones, really, where we're having an adventure together or just burbling happily along...and then I have to wake up and remember he's dead all over again.
Also, I've heard using the actual words dead/died/etc as opposed to euphemisms is supposed to, idk, help your brain accept what has happened, but wow it is hard tonight.
What about you? How do you deal with dreams, the good and the bad? Anything that's helped ease the transition back to being awake?
My dreams are all good, the problem is when I wake up and realize they were just dreams not reality.
However, I look forward to them even 4 years later and hopefully they never stop.
I've only had one meaningful dream visit with Stephen since he transitioned August of last year.
In my dream, he came and said "I can only stay one day." No recall what we did, but then he said "It's time for me to go." I was distressed that he had to leave. In my dream, he leaned in and gave me a big hug. I immediately woke up, was NOT distressed, and actually could feel on my body where he hugged me.
This is interpretive, but I know it was a dream visit. Not just a dream of him, but a dream where we interacted with each other.
Waking from dreams no longer prompts me to say "I'm alone" or "he's gone." But then, my view on the afterlife, along with many indisputable signs I've received, shifted my awareness away from grief.
Melissa, I'm sure the dreams of Skip are distressful when you wake, but oh how blessed you are to have them and remember them! Skip is reaching out to tell you he's okay and still right here.
I was always having those dreams too, where my husband had left me, and I kept wondering why was I having those awful dreams. I think it was just this drumbeat of he's gone-he's gone-he's gone running through my mind all the time, and trying to make sense of it in my dreams.
Yes, exactly that. I had one a few nights ago where Skip was running ahead of me, and I kept shouting for him to stop, to wait up, but he didn't. Yes, brain, I get it- he's gone ahead of me.
I too had many different dreams of my husband and i breaking up or him leaving different ways different situations and its weird cause my husband and i had a very good relationship always willing to stick things out we never would have just chosen to drift apart or leave or divorce. But i read many thing on the brain and grief and its coping mechanisms and how our dreams are trying to help ease or accept our spouse not being there anymore due to the fact that death may be just too much for our brain and all the memory receptors its hard for us or our brains to flat out accept that your spouse isnt there and wont ever be again there. Its a sort of easing into it transition.almost like it be easier for us to accept the fact that they are not there through some sort of degragation of our good feelings towards that person. But i just have to remind myself that my brain is just doing what it does best its trying to protect us from the harsher reality. And yes i feel too that the goid dreams are the hardest because yes you do have to wake up eventually to realize them still being alive is just a dream and that reality is the nitemare that we all have to come to terms in our own time and learn to live with the hard truth. My brain still does such weird things like i can on the daily still ferl that hopeful excitement right around 4pm just like i did when he was alive of him getting off work and walking through my front door. But i.m smart and i.m in touch with wats real and whats real is that my husband ricardo is dead and he is never coming back but that my ever lasting optimism cant let go of the hopeful feelings and i have learn to accept that i cant not be hopeful that feeling is real even though he really isnt going to come through the door ever any day. And yes i use the words dead and i say things like that in order for my brain to replace memories that dont make sense without him in it with memories that that is what he is a memory now not a reality not alive but i can keep his memory alive. Cause memories bring back memories bring back them!
I've had many dreams in eight and a half years, and can remember only one or two of 'em being unpleasant/unsettling. Early on it was difficult, but I've come to get used to it.
Hugs to you as you work through this part of grief. Hugs also to those who may not recall their dreams. (Some folks say they don't dream at all.)