I have a pattern where I'm very sad and crying in the morning. By lunch time I'm usually OK and often in the afternoons I might be happy and normal. I can get lots done in the afternoon and evening. But mornings are devastating. Does anyone else have a pattern like this? What do you do to cope? I assume it's something to do with circadian rhythm because I had it before my wife got sick, but not nearly this bad-- I was just slow getting started in my day, not what I would call depression though. Grief has made it 100 times worse.
I have tried: Walking for two hours each morning, getting on the phone with a friend (sometimes while walking), checking in the chat room here, and writing. Everything mitigates my sadness but only a little. I wish there was a real solution!
Thanks for checking in Averysmom. Is there anything you do from 4 to 7pm to mitigate this?
I use have a very odd sleeping pattern. About the first 2 months after Paul passed away, I kept waking at 3 AM no matter what. I would wake up suddenly from a sound sleep, look at the clock and it would be 3 am. But now I'm sleeping much better.
Yes. I am 3-1/2 years into this and I wake up on about half my mornings with a vague feeling of disappointment. I think that I am very often dreaming that my husband never died and there were never the problems that we had. I don't remember these dreams in the morning, but the feeling of disappointment tells me that I had them.
Yesterday I had a really good day. I got my hair done. I made an appointment to have my always-a-problem eyebrows shaped for the first time. I came home and made some side dishes to take to a neighborhood cookout in the evening. I met some friends at an Irish pub that has a traditional session on Saturday afternoons. I came home and went to the cookout. It was a good day from a good life.
I woke up this morning and have not been able to stop crying since I got up. I know that there was an unusually good dream last night, even though I don't remember it. I know because I don't usually start crying the minute I get up, feel unable to stop, and just want to go back to bed.
One thing about MY process is that I have never really had that extended I Don't Want To Get Out Of Bed time. I hit a wall around 9 months in but mostly I have been soldiering on for the last 3-1/2 years. I've been doing that because my job won't permit me to fall apart, and because grief is such a huge thing that I haven't been able to cope with it. So perhaps I am going through this longer than most people as a result.
I think sometimes we dream that we have our old life, that all this never happened. And when we wake up, reality hits. Our dreams are wish-fulfillment, and our waking hours are reality. And every time we have that wish-fulfillment dream, it's like we are back at square one when we wake up the next day.
I did the same as you ...
Grief would not allow me to do anything till the afternoon when the grief for the day was discharged; it's purdy much a daily event for some time ...
The more it's released, the more changes you will notice in yourself even if its faintly ...
Grief can be like a cyclical pattern of revisiting old issues, but for every time it comes around your feelings may have changed from the last visit as well as how grief was expressed ...
Go w/it, then do what you're able to ...
Keep reminding yourself it will end ...
Yes, so hard to get going in the mornings. Good for you walking 2 hours. Some days takes hours just to get dressed. for some reason only the evenings are tolerable, not sure why as I am by myself all day. Well, with my pets. Without them i wouldn't bother with anything.
I also had the same issue for a very long time and don't get me started on weekends. One therapist told me to try something and I can't remember if it worked or not (darn widow brain). You know how we are creatures of habit she said to do my normal routine differently, it might distract your brain.
Awwww I love this. My dog gets me out of the house. It's a great thing.