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I have been doing well dealing with the death of my husband 8 months ago - and, I know it has not been that long but he was sick over two years.  I have been dating a very nice guy and life has been good.  But, yesterday, out of the blue, I had these feelings of sadness where I was on the verge of tears all afternoon.  I could not pin point exactly why I was feeling so sad or what brought it on or what it was even over.  Of course I miss my husband, but it didn't really seem to be about him.... I did have some thoughts about past Easter egg hunts with the kids when I was making up the Easter baskets for them and the grandkids.  My entire family was over for Easter and it was wonderful, yet when they left I was back in this weird funk again and had a good cry in the shower, then seemed better...this morning I feel back to myself.... Anyone else ever experience this?   

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It has been over 3 years for me and while I think I am doing well, I still find tears spring to my eyes at the least little thing.

It has been over five years for me and once in a while I have "one of those days".  I'm in a relationship with a man who has been widowed 14 years and he has those trigger days also. We both were married around 49 years and that's too much of a lifetime to expect it to disappear. Being sad is OK I think as long as it doesn't go on and on or deepen into depression. It reminds me of the saying: you can't enjoy a rainbow without both sunshine and rain. Hang in there!

Hi Dez,

I suspect we all experience times as you describe.  I call them "Zingers."  It's been 6 years since my wife unexpectedly died.  She went to sleep on a Sunday night and did not wake up Monday morning.  The doctors said she' had a "Silent Heart attack."

For me, the cause is generally something I am watching on TV and suddenly I'm back crying and sometimes it's as bad as within the first few days after her death.  Other times, it nowhere near that intense and I'm back to my normal self within a few minutes.  One day, I was standing out on the deck, it was 32 degrees and it was snowing.  There was no real breeze and the snowflakes were very large.  I could actually hear the flakes falling through the pine trees, a kind of shhhhh sound.  I started to cry.  what was occurring was why we moved here permanently upon our retirements and she was not with me to experience the sights and sound.  For some reason it not only triggered thoughts of my loss, but also triggered how lonely I was.

When these occur, I don't struggle with them, instead, I cry my way through them and out the other side thinking of how wonderful my life with Susan was and how thankful that we had those years together.  



Even if you're not fully aware of it - you are still grieving ...

Your mind is not going to let you forget no matter what you have going on. Triggers are everywhere, they spark memories especially around holidays, B-days, anniverseries, special occasions, etc ...

Dez, I can absolutely relate to your situation. It's been almost nine months since my husband died, but he was sick for two years. I'm also dating a supportive guy, and things in life are going well most of the time. He and my friends and family are very understanding when I have one of these situations, which I call grief attacks. It can be anything, anything, that gets to you. I've had minor things set me back for days of moping and crying, while bigger things don't bother me much at all. I think we just have to try to accept that grief attacks are going to happen. We can prepare for some of the triggers, but we could never prepare for all of them. I think it's not unexpected, as Frank said, we just have to cry through it.


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