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Ever wake up in the early morning thinking I can't believe this has happened, sprinkled with some what ifs and regrets but still so very thankful that you shared a life together?

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Yes, it's 2:57a in the morning and I am up thinking how can he not be here with me. Still, like you, I thank God for every day we shared together. Starting out at 20 and 22 we weathered every storm and in the end our love persevered. The only regret I have is that he is not here with me. 50 years together was not long enough.

all the time. and get sidetracked down that rabbit hole at bedtime.

Rich, all the time. Every night when I go to bed I put on a CD we both enjoyed. Most of the time it is a good experience, but sometimes I find it painful that Bob is no longer here. I I feel fortunate that we had a good life together, but after 6 years it still hurts at times. Peace to all.

Oh, yes. Sometimes I'll wake up in the middle of the night and be tossing and turning, then I start thinking about him. Then there's Feelings everywhere, and I can't get back to sleep.

usually around 3 am, right around the time my wife passed, but it is common occurrence for many regardless, grief often affects our sleep.

Yes i find myself doing exactly that about everyother night for hours till i usually end up crying myself to sleep and then wake up with a sorta feeling of a idk wat to call it like a grief hangover almost .  eyes hurt and swollen groggy from not sleeping well and feeling horrible about having to start another day knowing i have to face it without my spouse in it.

Hi Rich,

Yes, I think many of us do. For me it is around 0400 in the morning.  This is the time they checked on Susan ( she was in an assisted living facility recovering from a kidney rejection and a broken ankle) and found her sleeping soundly.  At 0630 during shift change, they found her not breathing and called the EMT's who worked on her until 0730 when I was called and had to tell them to stop and to let her go.  For weeks after I would chat here or watch TV or read until I could no longer stay awake.  I'd be up at 0400 for days and days into months and months.  With years of being an EMT I could not help but think I should have been there to have saved her.  I was chatting about it in our chat room with someone around midnight when she kind of scolded me.  She said, Frank, you are retired.  The next time you wake  up with those thoughts and cannot get back to sleep, remember you don't have to worry about the clock.  Get up, watch tv, read a book or go play on the radio (I'm a ham radio operator).  When you start to feel sleepy, go back to bed and forget about what time it is.  I started taking her advice and now I'm sleeping like a baby till around 0630 ( again Susan?, or because I got up for work at 0630 for a lifetime?)  If you are retired... Go back to bed when you are tired and don't sweat it.  If you are still working, you can do it on your weekends, and still get some sleep.

I sure miss the Live Chat Room here, I had so many friends to chat with when sleep evaded me.



Yes, always, since Dec 12. I'm lucky to sleep straight three hours. And what-ifs do cross my mind. I've been trying this out. Dying is a matter of time. So, hubby went sooner than later. Or, I could have gone first and I'm glad that did not happen. Hubby would not have managed well if I was not around. Does any of this help me in my predicament of sleepless nights? Maybe for a few seconds. Then, it's back to turning on the tv if it hasn't turned off already.

Sometimes, I would like to talk to someone (anyone!) at 3am in the morning. Then, I rationalize. This gripping need to want to connect is because I'm lost. So I calm down, try one of several mantras, like "I am healed, onward and forward". Sometimes, this helps. 

Rich, if you would like to connect with someone on a regular basis like a penpal, I'm available.

Rich and Maggiepie

I'm in the Mountain Time Zone.  I don't normally go to bed till midnight here and the getting to sleep may depend upon how frisky my two attack house cats are feeling.  If either of you would like to talk, I am available, and I too have the "Green Check Mark" on my icon.  You can "friend me" through the letter writing and I will give you my phone number.




Thanks for the offer.

BTW, in another post you mentioned Alma, Colorado. I checked it out and saw that the elevation is at 10,000 feet. Years ago I went skiing to Breckenridge and it took several days to get use to the elevation.

I live in NJ and my front door is at 740 feet, my friends think I live in the Alps.


I sleep so poorly, I will randomly wake up at 3:33 or 1:11 am and my mind always goes to the why did this happen?? what if??? It just makes sleep all the more evasive.

I'm widowed 13 months now and sleep is a fond memory.  

Yes, Lisa. It's been like that for me since Dec 12. I sleep a couple of hours and I'm awake. Sometimes, I do doze off but I'll wake again. Usually, I end up making a cup of tea and turn the tv on. I did try sleeping pills (which I usually would not) and they did not work. If you need someone to talk to or connect with in the middle of the night, let me know. Or we can WhatsApp or something. I think interaction does help.


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