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I've been emailing with a friend I've made here about such a thing, a continuing bond. She calls it integrating the life loved, with the life we are now given. I'm working on my place in my heart (can't always count on my thoughts) that I can visit when I need to, to feel comfort, in the life and love I shared with Marty for 49 years (47 married.) My hope after creating this continuing bond would be I could experience Marty's presence and his total passion for life. Everything hobby he had, civic organization he was in, project he undertook, something he surprised with with, was carried out with such creativity and heart. I know when I THINK of those times now, I feel comforted. So why not have a place in my heart to call them up when needed. Can't carry my journals all the time.

I further researched this. An introspective introvert-ambivert, can't help but research! I came across an upcoming March 7th webinar called, Continuing Bonds: Beyond the Basic  which is offered by WhatsYourGrief 

In my heart I want to keep my love alive, the memories close and yet, continue to take a step forward through this next season. What kind of continuing bond do you have that you find most healing or comforting?

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I've been widowed now for 10 years, the grief process got me through loss & the many adjustments of  Bob's death, but did not end my love for him. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I have not thought of him. 

There's alot of TRYING to do this, that & the other in fear of losing all of our loved one, however, the memory is amazing at retaining information of our loved one. I found during my grief years, my memory brought up what I needed at that time to sort out about myself, Bob, our marriage & his death to make sense of it all. It all gets worked out during the many years of the grief process. The cathexis will remain as long as your heart wants to w/out any prompting - you will never forget. In time, grief will loosen its grip to allow you to fully live your life how you choose. 

Any moving on a person does is accompanied w/grief ...

Learning to carry it 24/7/365 repeatedly is the greater challenge ... 

SweetMelissa2007 wrote, “Any moving on a person does is accompanied w/grief ...”

This is such an extremely important insight. I just realized it on my own a couple of days ago. I decided to remove one photograph of my husband and I from the kitchen, and the sense of loss was extreme. 24 hours later I put it back up. But then after sleeping on it, I decided to remove it based on the same realization: Conscious and deliberate attempts to make changes will be are painful.

Then I realized that in order to continue making changes in my life, I have to be willing to continue facing my grief. Removing the photo the second time wasn’t as bad. 

If it helps, that's great ...

For myself, I kept everything in place to desensitize their effect on me to continue moving forward in grief. The triggers subsided, then completely ended ...

OMG Springlight! Thank you so much for this insight.

SweetMelissa2007, my counselor says something similar to you say, "Any moving on a person does is accompanied w/grief...

She too lost her husband at 47 years of marriage and I trust so much of what she says. "You don't get over this; you don't move through it; but somehow you learn to live with the grief in your heart beside the the love."

SO TRUE - carrying 24/7/365. I do my best to think of things one day at a time.

Good for you ...

The hardest part of grief is allowing it to process naturally. Keeping busy is not grief work nor are attempts to interfere &/or change it. Building strong beliefs in yourself (hardest to do - I know) or religion or anything that resonates w/self empowerment can be a tremendous help especially in the years to come w/the many changes in grief ...

I found low key busy work & activities accommodated the process by not exascerbating my grief symptoms such as knee dropping anxiety attacks. I also suffered from trauma therefore EMDR therapy was a requirement to end all the other issues as well. If you have a counselor, ask if you are suffering from trauma - sometimes, they forget to mention it like mine did ...


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