Today is 184 days(6 months) since my husband of 38 years, Tom, died from a heart attack. It was always just the two of us, no kids. We thought the same thoughts so much of the time it was freaky. He was my soul mate. Tom always said I was the better half, but actually he was. Now, I always feel half of me is missing. It’s said “a man is only as strong as his wife”. My strength is gone forever. It’s very wounding how most nights I wake and see a shape next to me and think for a split second “he’s here”. Then reality hits me squarely in the face, no theses are pillows, he died. Yes, my heart is broken in half. Our love is mine to carry. As long as I live he will be remembered and loved by me. Tom is a part of my life and I miss him everyday. Theses parts are mine to cherish. No one knows what I need or feel, theses are mine to decide. When I saw a medium last month it was healing to my heart. Yes, he came through as she knew things only I knew. Dawn said, “he keeps saying how much he loves you. This overwhelming love you two share is rare”. Yes, it was.
So, as I’ve said before everyday forward for the next 38 years are a “first” for me. 184 days have passed, so I have 13,686 or so “firsts” to experience and endure without my Tom
Well tomorrow is my birthday, my 6th without Ed. I am now older than when he was when he died. Quite a bit older.
I enter the next phase of my life - retirement - without him. I have no idea what we would have done - we didn't have the chance to talk about that or plan.
So as I begin my 66th year tomorrow, I do think of Ed. I wish he was here but I will have to do this one on my own.
Hugs from Cleveland, Susan.