A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
Are there any others here ...
... who truly do not want to date?
... who do not feel a need to date?
... who believe they can be content alone?
There's a vibrant discussion going on over in the "For those who have dated" Forum that I have enjoyed reading. I am genuinely happy for those who have found new loves or new friendships and have found new joy in those relationships. I'm one who doesn't believe there is a set amount of time before you can feel ready to allow someone else into your life. If it happens soon, then it was meant to be and it is wonderful. It has absolutely no bearing on how much you loved the one you lost. So this discussion I'm adding is not in anyway judgmental. It doesn't matter how long 'out' you are, how long you were married, whether you are young or old, have young kids or none ... it's a personal decision that is ours and ours alone to make.
HOWEVER, I'm wondering if I'm the only one here in Widville who just doesn't see myself ever dating and I'm ok with spending my remaining years alone. Just wanted to offer a voice for those who might have a different point of view.
You are not alone. I have tried to date but its just too weird! I felt like I was cheating on my husband and NO pone will ever be able to live up to my expectations because I would always compare them to him. I am content with being alone but wouldn't mind having a movie/snuggle buddy every now and then but nothing permanent. I feel like I'm just starting to learn who I am as person. I have always been so busy being daughter, wife, mother, caregiver, etc. that I never found out who "Tammie" is. Does that make sense? I am enjoying doing what I want to do and learning to happy again.
I understand what you are saying Tammie, I'd like a friend to have lunch, coffee, or go to a movie with but I don't want anything other than friendship. My wife was my love and I could NEVER replace that.
I'm totally with you Dianne, I have no desire to date again. Could be due to the fact that I am 68 years old I guess, I had 31 wonderful years with my husband ....
I don't see myself dating but I'm 58 and I took a life expectancy test the other day. If I don't date , I'll be alone for 32 Years! I would really rather get hit by a truck. Have you thought about being alone the rest of your life? That scares the Hell out of me.
I took one of those online tests this week, too, Grace. It said I'd live to 90 ... I'm 61 now. I honestly am not afraid of spending 29 years alone (to be honest, dating scares me far more than being alone!). But I recognize this is a very personal choice.
It's been 20 months since Vern died and I have only just started to feel good about going out with friends to local events. I've never been alone. I had 41 wonderful years with Vern and had hoped we would have many years to enjoy our retirement. But that wasn't to be - so I need to make the most of those years now. I need time to figure out who I am, what I can offer this world before it's my time to leave.
If anyone would like to take that test, here's a link: http://media.nmfn.com/tnetwork/lifespan
Thanks for the link, Diane.... my results say I'll live 30 more years. Like you, I prefer to spend the years living alone than to date. However, I do want good friends in my life.... and I have been blessed with a wonderful family and several good friends. I had 42 fantastic years with my husband and am content with that, now that I've really accepted that I can't have him back.... at least not as long as I am on this earth. It's taken almost 4 years for me to get to this point.
I've always been very introverted, so I've spent a lot of time alone. Although the introversion was caused by neglect during my early childhood, I guess it was good preparation for this. As a child, I had my dolls and my pets. That was pretty much it. Now I have my pets and my sons. That's pretty good. Dolls don't talk to you.
My concern is that I'll never find anyone outside of the grief support group who I can share things (happy and sad) with. I think because of my early emotional and physical abandonment issues, I expect people to leave me. Therefore, I don't trust them to be true friends who can hang in there through thick and thin. Ken was/is my only friend. His loss has been all consuming.
Oh, about the age thing, I'm now taking care of my parents who are both in their mid 90's. I don't think in terms of how long I might live. I just want to find a way to live a happy and fulfilling life however long it is.
I try not to say never because I don't know what the future holds. I feel like I am just now getting my bearings and learning to live without Walter. I can't even think of watching another husband die or burying another husband. The thought is just too much.
I tried twice to reply, but couldn't get my curser into the reply box. I'm technologically challenged. I have no interest in dating because I can't see how it's going to fit into the healing process. I want to learn to be alone with my thoughts and memories before I make any major decision...and that one would be the biggest one for me. I'm not sure that living with the memories of a much loved husband is worth the sacrifice of intruding dynamics like dating. I've been able to state my opinions and thoughts and love so freely for years. I'm not sure that there are many people who are so self-secure that they aren't threatened and could accept me for who I really am. From what I remember about dating, which isn't much, it was a huge game until I met Ken. Besides, he's my husband...even into eternity.