This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people

Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.

Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.

We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."

Are there any others here ...

... who truly do not want to date?

... who do not feel a need to date?

... who believe they can be content alone?

There's a vibrant discussion going on over in the "For those who have dated" Forum that I have enjoyed reading. I am genuinely happy for those who have found new loves or new friendships and have found new joy in those relationships. I'm one who doesn't believe there is a set amount of time before you can feel ready to allow someone else into your life. If it happens soon, then it was meant to be and it is wonderful. It has absolutely no bearing on how much you loved the one you lost.  So this discussion I'm adding is not in anyway judgmental. It doesn't matter how long 'out' you are, how long you were married, whether you are young or old, have young kids or none ... it's a personal decision that is ours and ours alone to make.

HOWEVER, I'm wondering if I'm the only one here in Widville who just doesn't see myself ever dating and I'm ok with spending my remaining years alone.  Just wanted to offer a voice for those who might have a different point of view.

Views: 21037

Reply to This

Replies to This Discussion

Lupe's Husband - that's the thing - the more we're alone, well me a least, the more - and sadly - I peace with being alone, as much as I don't like it.

...I kind of do feel like I'm just marking myself.

Regarding friendzone - I have a friend...known her for over 20 some years...about 8 years older than me - strictly friends - she feels like a sister to me - who's husband died the same year as did my Melinda, in 2012.  Thing is, she's struggling, and with school payments financial life isn't easy for me either...but and however...were she to move in with me (if I can just cut to the chase) both of us would essentially save $1,000/month.  Of course that's not easy, because she's got her younger daughter living at home, my daughter is at home during school breaks and summer.

BUT her I could see living with...we get along really well, and would I think be happy that way.

There's no reason you can't make that work, as long as you both understand the rules.  One thing about getting older and also about being on our own is that we can make the rules as we see fit.  

HI NoLonger,

    I'm ALWAYS forgetting that fact. The fact that I pretty much do what I want.  Before I had to hurry and get home make sure Paul got his medicine, fix dinner etc.


Katpilot it is interesting that you mentioned the words "Never Say Never".  Initially I said I would not date and find myself now interested in dating.  So now  when I state I have no interest in getting married again I always add that I should never say never.  Like you said time and life does change our outlook. Happy for you and Patty and looking forward to that book you plan to write

Chef(John) like you I am also pursuing my passion of traveling    but not quite as extensive of you.  I've been to only three continents.  I'm assuming your last one is Antartica and it piques my interest how you will accomplish that feat.


Wow Dianne in Nevada" wish I could stuff those feelings in a box and go back to not having them".  I couldn't have said it better.  Dating someone has helped  me take a turn in my healing and given me a new perspective.  Married as a teenager and never dating as an adult it has been a step out of my comfort zone. A few months ago I wouldn't have imagined going there. 

My boss where I volunteer is my age and divorced. She signed up for Match and had a date set up - when he didn't show, she got worried - turned out he got arrested!! (driving on meds). A story for the books!!

So I though I would look at Match to see what they had- OMG, they looked like the senior version of Larry, Darryl, and Darryl from the Newhart show!! Maybe it is because I am in a rural area, IDK.

I'm of the "if it happens, it happens" persuasion. Not gonna go looking for it.

I know what you mean- I signed up for OurTime and they kept sending me prospective matches every day; after awhile I realized they were just shuffling the same "deck" of guys in my age range and my vicinity and dealing the 6 off the top, since I started getting repeats.  I had little in common with most of them; one had two motorcycles and pretty much said if you don't want to ride the second one it's a dealbreaker; one had a VERY wide face but described his body type as "lean and toned"; some lived with their kids.  (Whether that was because they couldn't afford their own place or because they needed to take their kids in it wasn't a good sign.)

I eventually unsubscribed from the e-mails and took down my profile.  Too little chance of success there! 

I have read that OurTime is the worst of the worst where dating sites are concerned -- that this is what they do, and then they give you a hard time if you decide to cancel.

Back when POF was free and anyone could browse, I used to look every now and then just so I could say I was leaving my options open.  And every time, I ended up with "Uh....NO."  I have seen a few profiles that also have shown up in local meetups so if anyone is worthwhile I would run into them there.  But I am short and fat and that pretty much knocks me out of the dating pool right there.  And I am fine with it.  My husband is dead and he is the only one I would want hanging out on the couch.  I don't need a bunch of new clutter in my life.

Fortunately I never signed up for a paid membership.  I couldn't figure out how to exit the site completely (I'm sure that was deliberate on their part) so just deleted all pictures and text.  I'm sure it would have been a real picnic getting them to stop charging my credit card.

OK, in a weak moment, I signed up for Match.   i regret it.    I live in a big city, so I get two lists daily.    One list has these drop dead gorgeous women, who all seem to be doctors AND pilots, climb a mountain every Saturday and run a marathon on Sunday.    In addition to that, they have traveled to more than 60 countries.   There is no way middle aged, but fairly active me could ever keep up with someone like that.  Sometimes, I wonder if these are real people.    Then I get a second list, where all the women use canned descriptions of themselves and act like if you take them to a fast food place, it would be a great date.    There is no one in the middle.  I've found few people that I felt much of a connection to.         I think i'm going to let my subscription end when it runs out.      

The first list? I don't think they are real, they are probably androids from another planet. Shoot me if I ever sign up for one of those things.

Like I said, it was a weak moment.    I sort of go back and forth on whether these women are models and the whole thing is a set up to just pry subscription fees from people who are single and want to meet someone.  It's not what I expected.


© 2018   Created by Soaring Spirits.   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service