A community of peers created by the Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation
For those who do not want to date ...
Are there any others here ...
... who truly do not want to date?
... who do not feel a need to date?
... who believe they can be content alone?
There's a vibrant discussion going on over in the "For those who have dated" Forum that I have enjoyed reading. I am genuinely happy for those who have found new loves or new friendships and have found new joy in those relationships. I'm one who doesn't believe there is a set amount of time before you can feel ready to allow someone else into your life. If it happens soon, then it was meant to be and it is wonderful. It has absolutely no bearing on how much you loved the one you lost. So this discussion I'm adding is not in anyway judgmental. It doesn't matter how long 'out' you are, how long you were married, whether you are young or old, have young kids or none ... it's a personal decision that is ours and ours alone to make.
HOWEVER, I'm wondering if I'm the only one here in Widville who just doesn't see myself ever dating and I'm ok with spending my remaining years alone. Just wanted to offer a voice for those who might have a different point of view.
Views: 4437
Replies to This Discussion
-
Permalink Reply by topwag (Becky) on -
Yes.... exactly the same problem. I want to explore my independence but need to hire a handy man in a small town. Yea right. My trust level is 0. I will figure it out and do what I need to do but right now lots of stress with home maintenance issues that my husband always could handle. Blessings.
-
Permalink Reply by LOTTIECJ on -
not a good reason to remarry though ... My husband has been gone nine years and I have had two nice relationships ... nothing serious ... one of them died and the other went his own way ... and now I am really not interested .. would like to have a friend to talk to now and then ... go out to eat or dancing or church with ... but nothing heavy .. i don't think i would be able to deal with it. I've been lucky about repairs and stuff ... GOD will watch over you on that if you will but ask ... GOD BLESS YOU and all struggling widows as we try to go on with our lives alone.
-
Permalink Reply by Kerryn on -
Jeanine,
Did your husband have a list of people he'd call on if there was a project he needed help with? Dave left me list of who to call for plumbing, electrical, construction, etc. If not - look back through various receipts - if you kept them (Dave kept every stinking receipt - organized, but kept) - that helped to locate some sources for me. Depending on where you live, is there a local hardware store, lumber yard, etc.? They would be able to also give you some names. Ask around your neighborhood, or ask your son.
Kerry
-
Permalink Reply by Jeanine on -
Kerryn,
Thanks for your suggestions! My husband never called on other people to help him.... he preferred to do everything himself. He eventually would ask our son to help (when he got old enough to be able to help) because he knew he could get our son to do things the way he wanted them done. Our son has been helping me tremendously, but his wife is expecting their first child, so his time and attention are focused on them right now. In fact, my daughter-in-law is in the hospital right now.... potentially having the baby a month early because she's leaking amniotic fluid. My son has been with her over the weekend and I'll be with her tonight so my son can get some sleep and go to work tomorrow.
I moved into a 55+ community last August, and am slowly developing friendships... I'll probably be able to get recommendations for 'handymen' that way. I know I'm subconsciously resisting all this because my husband always took care of these things, and I don't want to accept that he won't be doing that any more. Slowly, but surely, I'm learning to accept it, though.
-
Permalink Reply by Juliana on -
Jeanine, the only thing I can do is live second to second. I can't look down the road. It's too long for me to visualize traveling. Ken took wonderful care of me. Actually, he spoiled me...but we spoiled each other. I loved doing things for him. He was always so appreciative. I never understood why he didn't seem to get that nothing I ever did for him was a burden. Everything, including taking care of him when he was sick and dying was a pleasure because I could feel the warmth of his had as I held it. I would give most anything (not our kids though) to be able to feel his warm hands and strong arms and to see is beautiful, gentle eyes again. I also miss his wise cracks. :)
-
Permalink Reply by Jeanine on
-
Juliana,
I think I know what you mean.... Don and I spoiled each other, too..... and loved it that way! During the two and half years that he struggled against pancreatic cancer I often thanked God that I was able to help him.... I considered it a privilege. He was a joy to be with, sick or well. Of course I wish he had never gotten sick, and was still here with me, healthy and happy. But, if he had to get sick and die, I'm thankful I was able to take care of him all the way to the end.
-
Permalink Reply by GG Rose on -
I took care of my husband for the eleven months, from diagnosis to death. It was not a burden either. There is such a devotion that develops - first is there giving up that independence to allow me to take care of him; and then the ultimate tender loving care that they allow us to give them. I know I'm rambling; having trouble putting this into words. But it truly was a labor of love to care for him. Devotion, never ending devotion...
-
Permalink Reply by Jerry on
-
I guess not all husbands or wives are able to be caregivers. When my wife was at home under the care of hospice, the nurse that hat came 2 times a week to check on her kept telling me what a good job I was doing. I told her I was only doing what I felt needed to be done. She told me she did not always see it that way. I guess I thought it was the way it was supposed to be since I had seen my mother take care of her sick mom, and then take care of my Dad when he was ill. But I will say it was heart breaking seeing someone literally fade away before your eyes.
-
Permalink Reply by trtltr3 on
-
i thought i was the only one, guess not. i will not discount what God may have in store for me tho...
just want to be single right now, im liken it!
-
Permalink Reply by alliot123(Susan) on -
I started dating someone in December and things were going great until end of June. That's out of the blue he did'nt call me for 2 days. When he finally called I found out part of the reason he didn't call was because his daughter told him he was doing more for me than I was doing for him. I asked him if he felt that way and he said no. I thought we had worked this out and we dated until July 10th when he quit calling. When we started dating he told me that we were to old to play games and that communication was important, how wrong I was to believe him. I have a job that pays for my needs I am still in the home myDH and I bought. I do not need a man in my life for me to be happy. I don't need drama so add me to the not wanting to date club
-
Permalink Reply by LOTTIECJ on
-
I understand what you are saying and I foresee that as a problem with many men that anyone would date. Often they want to date but really are not ready. I is apparently much harder for a man to be without a woman than for a woman to be without a man ... especially when kids are involved. You would think they would be happy to see their father in a happy state again and involved with his whole life. But I have seen both ways various times ... some kids just can't handle their father (or mother for that matter) dating and some are happy to see them happy and know that they have someone with them through the senior years of life. Just depends I guess. I saw my own mom sooooo lonesome but would not even speak of another ... but that was her choice ... and I respected it. The way I see it if GOD has someone else for me so be it but I am not looking. I have had two relationships and was not looking for either one .... just happened to be ... and I don't regret them .. just not looking for another. I enjoy my singleness and only having to be responsible for ME.
-
Permalink Reply by Dianne in Nevada on -
Suz posted this question over in another Forum and it reminded me that I started this discussion nearly a year ago. This post will bring it back to the Home page where others may see it who feel the same and want to join the discussion. I have to head off to work now, but I'll add a post when I get home this evening to share what I have done recently that has helped me.
@Dianne. i am not sure where to put this. I have a similar situation. Jud and I were married out of college and were together almost forty years. As time passes, I feel that I had a marriage with my soulmate. I don't think I want another marriage or partner. My questions concern building a life without another spouse. Where would be the best place to put a discussion about this? I am really interested in hearing what others who are choosing to not date or marry are doing to create a full life for themselves.
This site is run by widowed people, for widowed people
Widowed Village connects peers with each other for friendship and sharing. The moderators, administrators, and others involved in running this site are not professionals.
Please don't interpret anything you read here as medical, legal, or otherwise expert advice. Don't disregard any expert's advice or take any action as a result of what you read here.
We're friends, not doctors, financial or legal professionals, and we're not "grief experts." But we are here, and we've been "there."
HOT TOPICS!
© 2013 Created by Supa Dupa Fresh.
