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Are there any others here ...

... who truly do not want to date?

... who do not feel a need to date?

... who believe they can be content alone?

There's a vibrant discussion going on over in the "For those who have dated" Forum that I have enjoyed reading. I am genuinely happy for those who have found new loves or new friendships and have found new joy in those relationships. I'm one who doesn't believe there is a set amount of time before you can feel ready to allow someone else into your life. If it happens soon, then it was meant to be and it is wonderful. It has absolutely no bearing on how much you loved the one you lost.  So this discussion I'm adding is not in anyway judgmental. It doesn't matter how long 'out' you are, how long you were married, whether you are young or old, have young kids or none ... it's a personal decision that is ours and ours alone to make.

HOWEVER, I'm wondering if I'm the only one here in Widville who just doesn't see myself ever dating and I'm ok with spending my remaining years alone.  Just wanted to offer a voice for those who might have a different point of view.

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I don't forsee myself ever dating. I haven't lived my life yet and I know that bringing someone into my situation would be fully unfair to them. Once my situation changes I want to live for just me, not another person. Plus I no longer trust anyone. Given that my husband held information from me that potentially killed him, I don't think I will ever trust anyone again.

    I have been folling the other discussion and have posted some comments. I have ben dating,but somehow it doesnt seem that I am totaly at ease with this. I know and have told the lady that I have been dating that I am not in love and dont think I can ever fall in love again. She seems to accept this to some degree. My therapist has told me that she porbaly thinks that things will change as time goes on.I did start seeing the therapist at her suggestion, when I told her about how I feel about love. She probablt thinks the therapist is going to try and cahange me, but he tells me that is not his job.  I find no problem with dating as friends,but am sure I dont want to live with someone, and for sure would never want to be a cargiver again.

Good to know I'm not the only one ... but guess this topic isn't as exciting as the dating discussion :)

I'm with you, Blue, I also had my soul mate for this lifetime and have no need to look for another. And I do not want to be a caregiver again. It was an honor to care for Vern and I received many blessings during that time. I lived our wedding vows without any regrets, but I choose to not experience that again. My last blog post says how I now feel:  "I'm ready to fight hard for myself." I'm not successful doing that every single day, but I'm trying.

Greyeyes:  You've had a rough road and I'm so sorry. I hope your recent move is bringing you closer to some good things.

Jerry:  We can only do what we feel is best for us. Missteps will surely occur along the way, but we can always stop and start over once again on a different path. Be true to yourself. Don't let someone else tell you how you should feel or what you should do.

Dianne, If you only knew how many times I've borrowed your line of thinking---the "I'm going to fight hard for myself" line---you'd be shocked. I have changed it up a bit to: "I am going to fight as hard for myself as I fought for Don when I was his caregiver." That mantra gives me strength because I know from all I went through with him that I AM strong underneath the grief. Dating? Right now I am "dating" a lot of good memories.

That's exactly what my friend said that I took that quote from. We caregivers ARE strong and just need to be reminded of that strength as we find our way through the grief.

http://amyelomawidowsjourney.blogspot.com/

Hello Dianne,

 

I don't ever want to date either, in fact even the word "date" sounds forign to me, I was married to my soul mate for nearly 40 years and coud never love another man like that again, it woudn't be fair to the man because I would always comare him to Dave. Dave told me once that he didn't want me grieving for him for four years or more, I'm not sure what he meant by that but, I think he mean't he wanted me to find someone else to love.

I also hope to be re united with him when my time comes, it would be difficult if I had two men waiting for me.

 

I can't say I'm content to be alone, in fact I'm very lonley but not just for anyones company, it would have to be Dave and I know that is never going to happen, I have my two dogs and they are all the company I want .

Jo

I have dated and sometimes it was fun and sometimes not so much.  I was scared to think that I would be alone.  Only thing is I was depending on someone else to make me happy.  I had always been independent and suddenly I was clingy.  So not me!  I like being by myself and I have no fear of spending the rest of my life on my own.  I dont say alone, because if I am on my own, I can make the decisions to do as I please.  And to tell the truth I dont have it in me to start training someone else!!!

i could not see myself dating anyone.  i would always compare that person to my husband, whom was my soulmate.  there could not be someone out there for me that would make me happy

I cannot see myself ever getting involved with another man. I am beginning to see (after 10 months) that I will eventually want companionship ......dinner, movies, plays, etc......but never romance or marriage. I will always feel married to Frank........always feel like his wife. I think I will remain unattached until I die.

I don't think I could ever date anyone. I know people can love more then one person in their life because I did. I loved my ex when we married, but KC was my first love and I through everything we found each other again. What we had was so strong I don't need to fill his place. I was strong once and I will be again, and I will still be totally in love with my husband. I consider myself still married to the one and only man I love, I have no plans on changing that. I do believe KC is my forever love, now we never know what the future holds but I know I will love him through eternity. It's his arms i want waiting for me on the other side.

I agree with the not dating thing. I have had a close friend of 25 years die of lung cancer 3 months after my husband died. My husband has been gone 10 months. Her husband (also have known him for 25 years) and I have been great support and comfort for each other He lives two blocks from me and we have spent some of our lonely evenings together sharing dinner. Now he has made it quite clear that he wants a romantic relationship with me. I am not interested but have struggled with my thoughts on this. I have finally been real and honest with myself and made the decision and communicated that to him, that I am not ready for a romantic relationship and do not want anything more than friendship. He is a good man but not my Randy. It is also sort of a controlling and possessive type of person, again so unlike my husband. So... I guess the ball is in his court. He continues to say he wants my friendship as we have been through so much together...put I notice some head games that he is playing, trying to make me jealous... manipulation, etc. Talking to me about dates that he is making, etc. I am trying to encourage him to get out more and spread his wings. I know it would not be something I want at this time, but I do miss his friendship. Furthermore, his wife, my friend, on her death bed, I was also there at the hospital, said she would like us to be together. I get the feeling he has "her permission" and is trying to carry out her last wishes despite what I want or don't want. Yes, this is a very strange situation. He tries to tell me our spouses wanted us together. ?????

I am very lonely and miss the companionship of having my husband here living life hand-in-hand with me. I don't want to be without that for the rest of my life. BUT ... I have no desire to seek it out with anyone else. Rodney was the love of my life, my kindred spirit, my best friend and soulmate. I have had men hit on me and I look at them and all I can think is, "He's not Rodney". We never know what the future holds, but right now I can't imagine ever dating again. I believe there is one person we each are meant to be with...I had him. He is gone. No one else can ever compare.

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